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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you see someone on the floor you help?

87 replies

FrenchRuby · 11/08/2013 11:32

Me and dh were walking back from a night out last night. Half way down a busy road we saw a guy (about 19/20 years old) laying on the floor. There were about 3 or 4 people who were in front of us and they all walked past!!
He was obviously really drunk, we managed to get him up and sat him on a bench, he sobered up a bit and told us his name and where he lived, so we gave him a drink (a coke, not an alcoholic one haha!) phoned a taxi for him and waited with him until it got there.
I was really sad that people had just left him there, he could have been injured or something. Would you have helped or would you have left him there?

OP posts:
lucamom · 11/08/2013 12:30

Even if things are as they seem (I.e person is drunk), why should we be so self-righteous to decide they no longer warrant being helped?

We're all allowed to make mistakes and the decent thing for anyone to do is help others where you can (even if it seems dodgy, a phone call from a safe distance is not going to trouble us too much).

SunshineBossaNova · 11/08/2013 12:39

I've done it twice, and both times been told to fuck right off. Lovely :)

I once saw a drunken youngster collapse and wasn't able to go to him (long story) but did call an ambulance. But he'd woken up and legged it by the time they arrived.

I'd do it again, but be careful.

NellysKnickers · 11/08/2013 12:39

I always help or if with dcs and it feels a bit dodgy, I loiter and ask someone else to help with me. It saddens me that people can walk past and not bother.

MissMarplesBloomers · 11/08/2013 12:41

Well as a mum of teens, (and with several diabetic older family members) thank you to all those who DO stop and help, the drunk aparently blotto on the floor is still someones LO and could be very ill, even if alcohol related.

That said I would totally agree with not risking your safety, especially if alone.

Featherbag · 11/08/2013 12:43

In my job I often help people who are intoxicated, and unfortunately have been verbally and physically assaulted by them (and others who aren't intoxicated, I should point out for fairness' sake!). At work I have colleagues around me who are used to handling these situations, and I have equipment, protocols and security staff to help, so I don't think twice. Out of work, no, I wouldn't approach. I'm pregnant, and would never put my unborn child at risk for a drunk stranger. You could think whatever you liked of me for it, but I'd walk past.

mynameisslimshady · 11/08/2013 12:46

I don't think its self righteous to not stop and help.

I was 19, walking home from a night out, a few people milling about, many walked past this bloke lying on the ground, I felt quite safe as there were other people around so went to help, I helped him up and sat with him for 20 mins, then he lunged at me and tried to kiss/grope me. I said no and went to walk off and he punched me in the head, I fell to the ground and he kicked me in the face, stomach and back repeatedly. There were still people around, and, again, many walked past while I was being attacked, fortunatly a friend of mine spotted me and came over and got the bloke off me and got me to the hospital (the guy did get arrested as it was caught on cctv).

If there are people willing to walk past someone on the ground they will be willing to walk past if someone is getting beaten up (ime).

I'd honestly never do it again. I would go and stand at a safe distance, out of earshot, and call the police and inform them, I would probably stay at that distance and watch until someone arrived to help, but I wouldn't go over myself.

SofiaVagueara · 11/08/2013 12:48

I would have called an ambulance. Even if he was just pissed if he was in that state he would have been at risk of alcohol poisoning.

But I don't think I would have actually have physically helped him myself, people are so unpredictable when drunk that I wouldn't be willing to take the risk they wouldn't turn on me.

yourcruisedirector · 11/08/2013 12:52

YANBU even if all you can do is call an ambulance - as others have said, diabetes, head injury, stroke and other things can make someone present as intoxicated.

As an aside if you're ever in the unfortunate position of needing to ask for help from a crowd, studies show targeting a specific person for help can really work: "lady in the red coat, please help me", or "man with a briefcase, I need your help please". Crowd mentality is a powerful thing. Hmm

Snipface · 11/08/2013 12:54

My dad was found lying in the street near his home recently - he is diabetic and was on his way into a coma, but his speech was very slurred and he would have looked drunk. Someone stopped and called an ambulance (and then someone else came out of their house who knew him and ran for my mum). If they hadn't stopped, he may very well have died. Always worth calling for help if you don't feel able to help yourself.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 11/08/2013 12:59

I'd never put myself in danger but I don't think I could walk past if someone needed help.

OP posts:
Aniseeda · 11/08/2013 13:00

Years ago, my friend and I found an old man collapsed (drunk) by the side of a road in a seaside town. We flagged down a passing police car who did his best to ignore us but eventually stopped, made it clear he wasn't happy but had to call an ambulance as we had stopped him - this was in the days before mobile phones. We sat with the bloke (at a distance as he absolutely stank!) till the ambulance arrived - they were equally pissed off with us for calling, turned out he was a regular and they'd have rather people just left him there as they now had to take him to hospital to sober up for the umpteenth time! Ah well!

I would still stop (I have an 18 year old and would hate to think he could be in trouble, for whatever reason, and no one help him) but, like others, would put my own safety first and stay at a distance, if I felt there was a risk.

AncientPigeon · 11/08/2013 13:02

My DH is a diabetic and is usually fairly well controlled. A few years back when he was in his twenties he went though a patch where his blood sugars would drop suddenly and without any warning. During this time he was walking back from town and collapsed on the ground. He was slurring and making jerking movements but because he was fairly close to a pub people just walked past and ignored him. It was only because someone walked by whose wife was diabetic that they stopped and helped him and called an ambulance and called me from DH's phone.
I can understand why people walked past, as others have said, you don't know what's happening, don't know that they haven't got a knife etc. But helping someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to physically go and handle them. Calling the police or an ambulance and waiting at a distance is still classed as helping someone.

mercibucket · 11/08/2013 13:08

most people dont stop
there are lots of youtube videos about this, it is a recognised and interesting psychological experiment, i will try to find one to link to

buttermellow · 11/08/2013 13:16

Just to say thank you to anyone who would stop - my mum takes fits and she and I are always incredibly grateful to people who try to assist. Even if you dont have first aid skills, there's no harm in calling 999 and sitting with the person to keep them safe. Most first aid requires no special skills - most important is a clear airway and recover position especially if the person is drunk!!

When I went out with uni friends we always had two appointed sober people - I was always one as I'm teetotal. Thankfully we only had to do something a couple of times, once after a silly girl had drunk far too much and taken several different drugs, and once when a girl collapsed in the street.

Sadly all too often I've seen people who just carry on as if they haven't noticed - or they stare but offer no assistance.. Was also sitting in a cafe once when an elderly gent collapses outside, I kept an eye from the window as people did come to his aid as did an ambulance. The woman next to me actually helped her child to stand on her chair so that she could stare out of the window and give a running commentary!

buttermellow · 11/08/2013 13:18

I mean, I kept an eye until ambulance turned up.

OrangeLily · 11/08/2013 13:19

My Mum collapsed in a restaurant recently with my younger child age sister when my Dad had actually gone to call a doctor. She doesn't drink and had a bottle of water in front of her. She collapsed on her table and not one adult helped. Disgusting.

redwellybluewelly · 11/08/2013 13:32

I would always summon help of some form even if that is going into a shop or pub to alert them, or to call police/paramedics.

I am cautious though, especially when I have my young children with me. A good few years ago my husband was weeding the front garden when an elderly rather scruffy gent walked into the wheely bin on our drive. DH asked if he was ok as it was a warm day and the gent waved away help but stayed leaning on the wheely bin, DH got a deckchair and a drink and sat him in the shade then when he'd recovered drove him home. I think his daughter came round later to say thanks, he'd had a stroke a few years previously whoch left his speech slurred and his walking affected, he'd just overdone it a bit.

I'd never approach someone at night on my own, never.

RoxyFox211 · 11/08/2013 13:35

I always worry about people I see in this state but, I'm embarrassed to say, if I was on my own I probably wouldn't stop - because I always get worried im sticking my nose in and they probably want me to just leave them to it (I'm not very good at being firm). If I was with someone I like to think I'd stop.

ninah · 11/08/2013 13:36

ds can be a little so and so but we were in a restaurant recently by a window and he went haring outside he'd just seen an old man with a walker topple over. A few adults standing around gormlessly. One of them came to when ds starting talking to the man and checked him for injury and they helped him up. I was proud of him.

MelodyBaker · 11/08/2013 13:39

I always stop, I phone the police and tell them as well. I stopped once and the women wasn't breathing, people kept walking past while I gave mouth to mouth. It's not nice - yes, they may be drunk but What if they ate not?

WestieMamma · 11/08/2013 13:42

If I thought someone were drunk then no I wouldn't stop and help them. They got themselves into that state, they can get themselves out of it. I have zero sympathy for drunks.

Anyone else I'd bend over backwards for.

Meglet · 11/08/2013 13:42

Yanbu, even if it is probably self-inflicted I will help.

I helped a bloke collapsed on the path last year as I couldn't rouse him, a nearby security guard called an ambulance for him. A self centered bitch woman passing by started getting narky with me for helping him. What was I meant to do, leave him unconcious on the path to be robbed for the little had / choke on his vomit Hmm.

sashh · 11/08/2013 14:00

WestieMamma

Please do tell how you assess whether someone is drunk or diabetic? You would make it into some medical journals.

Do you have a son/daughter? What would you want to happen if they had their drink spiked?

Depending on where I am, who with and whether I feel safe I would help, or if I didn't feel safe call 999 from a distance.

I once stopped my car for a distressed looking woman. Her car had broken down and her mobile phone had no charge, we were on a main road but not one with houses/shops near by. I don't think she was in actual danger but had no way to contact the RAC/AA and no idea how many miles she would need to walk to find help.

5madthings · 11/08/2013 14:10

i would always help and have done,if i didnt feel safe then i would call police/ambulance and watch from a safe distance.

when i was out last summer a woman had collapsed outside mcdonalds, she was pregnant and still people just walked past!it turned out she was epileptic and the ambulance crew knew her. i was amazed that people would just walk past.