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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want rid if this man

54 replies

AlmostPerfect · 11/08/2013 04:21

Im just looking for some second opinions from people on the outside, its a pretty long winded story so i'll do my best to keep it short!
I have posted on here before about my oh, at the time he was drinking heavily and being very pocessive.
Last august i made him leave after an explosive arguement that turned violent. A few weeks later i found out i was pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion, which i said no to, then he changed his mind. He got to new year without having a drink, so i took him back, as we were having a child together i thought this was the best thing to do.
All was fine for a while, then as i got bigger he started telling me i didnt make an effort with myself ( i have another child an i was working as a chef on my feet all day dealing with hyper gravia, he doesnt work ) He did nothing for me to help.
Anyway my baby is 8 weeks old now, he has bought 2 packs of nappies, 1 wipes, an a pot of suda cream. That is it. He lives in my house and pays £30 a week, that is meant to support both him an his other son on weekends.

He has started buying a 'couple' of cans every other day, or whenever he has money as i see it. He also smokes in the bedroom ( his room as he moved out of our bed when the baby was born as he 'couldnt sleep on that side') ive asked him to smoke outside over an over but he doesnt listen. He doesnt help with night feeds, hes done 5 then spent ALL the next day in bed.

A couple of wks ago he threatend to punch me in the head because i said its about time he bought some baby milk

Today i asked him to go shopping, with my money, as i was taking the kids to see my brother. He had a rant that i hadnt told him earlier, it was 1pm, an he wanted to go to bed as he had got up at 6am! He went anyway, when i got home he was in bed an woke up at 10pm, drunk. I wont let him by my children when hes had a drink so he stormed off back to bed.

About an hour ago lo woke up crying for a bottle, i was heating it up in bedroom when he stormed in. Turns the light on an trys to pick lo up. I told him to go away, then he starts messing with lo bottle, im holdin baby, i keep telling him to go bk to bed, then the smell of fags comes into the room. I told him to get out as hes let me down, hed promised not to smoke in there again, hes not listening to a word im saying, then chucks a bottle lid at my head, while im holding the baby. Now i know its just a lid but if sonething else had been to hand he would of thrown that.

Ive told him tomorrow he is to leave my house, am i over reacting, maybe through tiredness?

OP posts:
Shenanagins · 11/08/2013 04:30

You are not over reacting at all, the man is an arse who acted in a violent manner towards you. You know it will only get worse so get rid of now.

you may want to get this moved to relationships as you will get a lot of good advice and support there.

PeriodFeatures · 11/08/2013 04:40

YANBU.

You have made a good decision for you and your DC, there isn't another decision as you have a responsibility to protect your DC and yourself. This man will hurt you or your DC.

I want to say lots of other things but I think that ^^ is the bottom line.

If you have any worries or are frightened tomorrow, contact the police or women's aid.

All the best for a happier, more peaceful future and home life. You sound like you ave your head screwed on. Have you got someone in RL you can talk to or somewhere you can go tomorrow while he packs and leaves?

Original poster
AlmostPerfect · 11/08/2013 04:44

I looked for relationships, im using the app on my phone for the first time, couldnt find it anywhere, i'll have another nose.

Im a bit aspergery an was a bit worried that maybe it was me being silly, but then his own sister tells me i should leave him an that hes a waste of time.

Thank you, i just needed one person to tell me i wasnt over reacting

OP posts:
Wishfulmakeupping · 11/08/2013 04:46

You are not overreacting. I think you may need to involve the police

Original poster
AlmostPerfect · 11/08/2013 04:49

I think as childish as it sounds i'll have to ask his dad to make him leave, i doubt he'll go quietly.
His sister is my best friend, an even though they're siblings she really understands what its like so i'll go there. I think i can safely say ive tried everything with this man to make it work, im at the point now where he could drink an sleep his life away all he wants

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 11/08/2013 05:25

No it doesn't sound childish at all. Sounds sensible Almost. You don't need to put yourself or DC under any more pressure, if someone else can get him out for you then that's better.

It's good that other people are aware that he is being abusive and will support you.

Have you got a bit of a plan in mind for tomorrow?

MrsMook · 11/08/2013 05:46

He doesn't give a stuff about your's or baby's health, safety or welfare and is a blight not a support. He must go.

Good luck.

karinmaria · 11/08/2013 06:31

Yanbu and doing the right thing. Continuing to smoke and drink in the house, as well as behaving aggressively, when there are young children living there is awful enough as it is. Add that to the measly £30 per week, the refusal to do basic things like food and baby shopping, not having a job, and his sister agreeing with you - you'll be well rid.

Congratulations on your baby by the way!

LoremIpsum · 11/08/2013 06:42

To be honest, I think you're under-reacting. You say you've tried everything to make it work because you're worried that you are being silly. You are not being silly, his behaviour is awful and deeply worrying.

Take whatever steps are necessary to get him out of your home now, ideally he should leave today, preferably with others there for back up just in case.

Seriously, you don't ever have to put up with being treated badly, you deserve to be treated well in a relationship, everybody does. What you're describing goes beyond being treated badly into being in a potentially dangerous situation. Get rid asap.

NewAtThisMalarky · 11/08/2013 07:12

Its only going to get worse.

He has no respect for you or your children.

You deserve a home that you can feel comfortable in. I suspect that isn't the case for much of the time.

I think you and the children will be happier without him there.

Good luck x

Tiredemma · 11/08/2013 07:20

Fucking hell.

Cocklodger if ever there was one.

He sounds repulsive. What on earth do you gain from being with this pathetic excuse for a man?

PeriodFeatures · 11/08/2013 07:28

Cocklodger if ever there was one

I think this is a bit more serious than cocklodging. It is domestic violence.

Please let us know how you get on today OP.

pumpkinsweetie · 11/08/2013 07:33

He has zilch respect for you and is a scrounger pure and simple, not to mention also violent. Forget keeping a family together for the sake of the children, breaking up would be the best thing for the children in this situation.

He isn't appriecative of you and brings nothing to your life. He is a leech and he is bleeding the life out of you. You deserve much, much better x

shellbot · 11/08/2013 07:57

YANBU Get him out. Please protect your children from him. As other's said it will only get worse.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 11/08/2013 08:01

Get rid. You'll all be better off without him. You gave him a second chance, he fucked it up, he needs to go.

Oh, and if he won't leave, call the police. It's your house, so he needs to go, not you.

He also needs to get off his lazy arse and get a job, any job, and support his kids.

UnexpectedStepmum · 11/08/2013 08:04

You are doing absolutely the right thing for you and your baby. Well done for being so strong. I really hope his dad is supportive and it's good hos sister sees him for what he is. You sound like a strong person and will be a great mum without him.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 11/08/2013 08:07

Don't hesitate to call the police to help you get him out of the house.

WhenToGo · 11/08/2013 08:22

I would consider a pre-emptive call to the police. Tell them you have a young baby, tell them he has threatened you with violence, tell them he's thrown things at you and tell them you're asking him to leave. If you can, I'd pack him a bag so he has no excuse to come back.

ExcuseTypos · 11/08/2013 08:30

You aren't over reacting at all. You're doing the best thing you possibly can for yourself and your children.

I agree that as you think he won't go quietly you should call the police, tell them what happened last night and that you want him to leave.

Good luck.x

Cravingdairy · 11/08/2013 08:31

I agree that you should involve the police. Good luck and good for you.

Rooners · 11/08/2013 08:46

He's a wanker and he doesn't even want to be there, he's probably trying his best to make you chuck him out so he can get some sleep and tell everyone what a cow you are.

I'd take that any day over having to live with such an utter shithead.

Good luck getting rid.

Roshbegosh · 11/08/2013 08:57

He is an alcoholic violent cocklodger. Why do you need this aggro in your life? He might behave for a while if he is under threat of homelessness but he is not your responsibility. Throw him out and get on with your life or you could set up a shelter for homeless violent alcoholics in your spare room and take them in off the street. Why only house the one? In fact your situation is so bad I have to wonder if you made this up for some MN fun.

TokenGirl1 · 11/08/2013 09:12

You're being so brave. Well done you for protecting yourself and your children!

Anybody that thinks it's OK to hit once will do it again. He's not really bringing anything of value to the relationship, is he? You'd be better off on your own and at least would feel safe in your own home.

Good luck x

theboutiquemummy · 11/08/2013 09:23

You are doing the right thing IMO

alwaysinamuckingfuddle · 11/08/2013 09:27

What is he actually adding to your life?

Get rid.