Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want rid if this man

54 replies

AlmostPerfect · 11/08/2013 04:21

Im just looking for some second opinions from people on the outside, its a pretty long winded story so i'll do my best to keep it short!
I have posted on here before about my oh, at the time he was drinking heavily and being very pocessive.
Last august i made him leave after an explosive arguement that turned violent. A few weeks later i found out i was pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion, which i said no to, then he changed his mind. He got to new year without having a drink, so i took him back, as we were having a child together i thought this was the best thing to do.
All was fine for a while, then as i got bigger he started telling me i didnt make an effort with myself ( i have another child an i was working as a chef on my feet all day dealing with hyper gravia, he doesnt work ) He did nothing for me to help.
Anyway my baby is 8 weeks old now, he has bought 2 packs of nappies, 1 wipes, an a pot of suda cream. That is it. He lives in my house and pays £30 a week, that is meant to support both him an his other son on weekends.

He has started buying a 'couple' of cans every other day, or whenever he has money as i see it. He also smokes in the bedroom ( his room as he moved out of our bed when the baby was born as he 'couldnt sleep on that side') ive asked him to smoke outside over an over but he doesnt listen. He doesnt help with night feeds, hes done 5 then spent ALL the next day in bed.

A couple of wks ago he threatend to punch me in the head because i said its about time he bought some baby milk

Today i asked him to go shopping, with my money, as i was taking the kids to see my brother. He had a rant that i hadnt told him earlier, it was 1pm, an he wanted to go to bed as he had got up at 6am! He went anyway, when i got home he was in bed an woke up at 10pm, drunk. I wont let him by my children when hes had a drink so he stormed off back to bed.

About an hour ago lo woke up crying for a bottle, i was heating it up in bedroom when he stormed in. Turns the light on an trys to pick lo up. I told him to go away, then he starts messing with lo bottle, im holdin baby, i keep telling him to go bk to bed, then the smell of fags comes into the room. I told him to get out as hes let me down, hed promised not to smoke in there again, hes not listening to a word im saying, then chucks a bottle lid at my head, while im holding the baby. Now i know its just a lid but if sonething else had been to hand he would of thrown that.

Ive told him tomorrow he is to leave my house, am i over reacting, maybe through tiredness?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 11/08/2013 09:27

Chuck him straight out and don't take him back, he's horrid

Shenanagins · 11/08/2013 09:29

Good to hear that you have rl support. I hope you get all the help you need to get rid of the arse.

Original poster
AlmostPerfect · 11/08/2013 09:43

Thanks everyone, hes still in bed.
He brings absolutly nothing to this 'relationship' i have no idea why ive stayed with him for so long! I think i may have felt sorry for him, having no where to go. Not now though, i couldnt care if he slept on a bench anymore.
Ive got that horrible feeling in my belly, the one where u know you have to do something, that sicky feeling.
Its not made up, its all true an theres a lot more i could add, i dont know if u can read previous threads ive started, it might be under kiesmommy, its all there.

OP posts:
karinmaria · 11/08/2013 09:58

I hope we'll be reading this thread a bit later and he is out of your house. Agree with other posters that you should call the police. He's already thrown something at you whilst holding your baby over something relatively minor (in comparison to being thrown out, I'm not saying that smoking and being drunk around a baby is minor!!) - he's not to be trusted.

Good luck x

ChristineDaae · 11/08/2013 10:08

Another one who thinks your under-reacting. Get rid! Also, take steps to ensure he doesn't have unsupervised access to your DC in case he tries to go for it. If you can't trust him to stay sober you can't leave your kids alone with him

childcarehell · 11/08/2013 10:15

The best thing you can do for your child is sort this out sooner rather than later, he brings nothing for either of you.

Plan the way forward and what to say then do it. Have someone present when you tell him and make it very clear about police involvement.

childcarehell · 11/08/2013 10:16

Actually yes I agree involve police now, if only for planning for later

OctopusPete8 · 11/08/2013 10:18

God , no

I'm wondering why you've haven't kicked him out sooner.

Hissy · 11/08/2013 10:22

Call 101 and explain what you've told us here, and tell them that you want him to go, but are scared he'll not go quietly. See if the police can help speed him on his way.

He has to go, there is no other option.

pictish · 11/08/2013 10:22

Good lord - you are not being silly!!

He is an absolute shit, and the best thing you will ever do is put him on the other side of the front door permanently.

I can imagine your guts are churning right now.

Does he go out at all?

NotYoMomma · 11/08/2013 10:28

get out now

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 11/08/2013 10:28

You are not over reacting!

Keep safe and strong

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 11/08/2013 10:36

Good grief! Of course you're not over-reacting. Do whatever you need to to get this man out. Good luck - I think you'll find that once he's out your life will become infinitely better and less stressful.

SpeedwellBlue · 11/08/2013 10:50

Yanbu. I get the impression you have extremely low expectations of how a partner should behave to have put up with him as long as you have. He sounds appalling and you and your children deserve so much better!

MissMuesli · 11/08/2013 10:56

I 100% think you should leave him! How horrible for you, he is violent and abusive. I agree that "it was only a bottle lid" but that sounds like just the start, totally wrong even if it didn't injure you. The boy think I would ask if that does his other son need intervention if you kick OH out? Might be worth ringing social services if he would be seeing his other son in his own potentially drunk and violent.

IAmNotAMindReader · 11/08/2013 11:46

You are not over reacting, in fact you haven't reacted strongly enough.

This man is an abusive, freeloading, violent arsehole.

He has endangered your childs safety, a small baby by attacking his mother while she held him.
He has assaulted you.

Why the zero tolerance approach? These things start out as small insignificant slights not worth making a fuss over. They gradually increase in frequency and severity and still you will think its small stuff because you are being conditioned to think that even if it reaches epic proportions of punches being thrown, hands round throat etc its still small stuff, because it is to him. To him its as easy to throw a lid at you as it is to throw you down the stairs.

To most people that might seem like a big leap but it really isn't to someone who has given themselves permission to cross that line and has no respect for the person they are abusing. The level of abuse doesn't matter to them (some are more calculating and measured) however some just do what is easiest for them. Something may have been in between you so that's why something was thrown if you had been closer it may have been a shove or a kick.

QuintessentialOldDear · 11/08/2013 11:54

Why have you let a man like this back into your home and life when you have another child already? Letting a man like this live in your childs home. Seriously, what is wrong with you?

kalidanger · 11/08/2013 12:07

Hers a link to make a new post in Relationships on the mobile site www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships?call=NewConversationPage Different to the app but might help.

I'm another one saying getting rid if him is absolutely the right thumb to do Thanks

kalidanger · 11/08/2013 12:08

Thumb? Thing

PeriodFeatures · 11/08/2013 13:10

He brings absolutely nothing to this 'relationship' i have no idea why ive stayed with him for so long!

Because you hoped it'd work out maybe? Hope is a strong motivator. But well done for realising that there isn't any hope for the situation now. You've realised this at a point where things are starting to get dangerous for your family and are taking action. Don't be hard on yourself.

I hope things go well for you today OP and that by this evening you and you DC can be at home and that horrible feeling will have been replaced with a bit of relief.

CorrineFoxworth · 11/08/2013 13:15

If, for whatever reason you feel that you deserve this sort of treatment, your children do not. Best wishes and good luck for later.

formicadinosaur · 11/08/2013 13:28

Tell him to leave today but call the police first. What you are describing is far from a loving partner. Please do protect yourself and your baby.

Branleuse · 11/08/2013 13:31

hes a cocklodger.

Get rid of him. Hes worse than useless and he sounds potentially violent, and already abusive

Viviennemary · 11/08/2013 13:32

His behaviour is to put it mildly far far below anything that anbody should be expected to put up with. It's the end of the line. No ifs or buts.

MissStrawberry · 11/08/2013 13:44

You have a duty to protect your children even if you aren't bothered about yourself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread