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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I was but this teenager provoked me

39 replies

Arabesque · 10/08/2013 14:26

I live in an apartment with a creche underneath on the groundfloor. The have a covered walkway from the path to the playground which takes the form of a glass/perspex type roof which runs right underneath both my bedroom and my sittingroom window Sad. Some of the more agile kids living around are able to get up onto the gate and swing themselves onto the roof which is, obviously, a huge security risk and invasion of privacy and I have, on several occasions, had to shout at them to get down. as the last thing I want is kids and teenagers getting into the habit of climbing up there. I'm there alone a lot of the time and would hate to feel anyone could access my bedroom or peer in at me or anthing like that.

Last night I saw a kid about to swing himself up onto the roof to get a football and told him to get down as (a) it was dangerous and he could fall through the roof and (b) he was trespassing. He refused to get down insisting that he wanted his ball back and it had cost 90 euro. I repeated it was dangerous and he would have to wait until Monday and ask the creche if they could use a ladder and retrieve it for him. He kept arguing and his friend, an overweight guy, started being really obnoxious and saying things like 'oh yaw, you're going to call the police are you? Like they're going to bother, we're not drug pushers' and 'there must be nothing interesting on telly for you to watch tonight is there'. I lost it and told him he'd be better off running around the green and he might lose a bit of weight. His friend laughed (no, not nice I agree) and the guy started basically asking me how I dared to say that, he was fourteen etc. He didn't seem upset or embarassed, just indignant.

Anyway I closed the window, heard the thinner guy getting up on the roof and getting his ball back but just ignored them as I felt I'd said enough. Of course, they made a big play of dancing around under my sitting room window waving the ball but I ignored them.

I couldn't sleep properly last night worrying about what I'd said but also still feeling annoyed with them. AIBU to feel bad but to also feel I was provoked a bit?

OP posts:
Vintageclock · 10/08/2013 14:29

YANBU. Too many kids and teenagers nowadays seem to be well aware of their own right to respect etc but supremely unaware of the fact that respect is a two way street.
He was being obnoxious, encouraging his friend to trespass and also to put himself in danger.
Don't worry about it. He's learnt a harsh but important lesson. He's fourteen not four and if he dishes it out he has to learn to take it as well.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 10/08/2013 14:30

YABU, I'm afraid. I can understand why you snapped but you lost the moral high ground with the dig about his weight.

VelvetSpoon · 10/08/2013 14:34

I do rather think YABU. Totally understand your irritation, but as a mother of an overweight 14 year old, I'd be fuming if I found out an adult had made a dig about his size. Albeit that I would also be seriously annoyed with my son for being rude as well.

Original poster
Arabesque · 10/08/2013 14:35

I know Smite Sad. I've resolved to just keep note of any future incidents and keep emailing the management company insisting they must get the creched to secure the premises so kids can't gain access to my apartment.
I'd had a few Friday glasses of wine at the time. Not an excuse, I know, but an explanation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arabesque · 10/08/2013 14:36

I agree velvet. I kept imagining what his parents would think if he told them or how I'd feel if someone said that to a child of mine. At the same time, though, I would hope no child of mine would be so rude to an adult, butI suppose you never know.

OP posts:
FondantNancy · 10/08/2013 14:38

YABU. You should've been the bigger (sorry!) person here and reported them to the apartment management after the first part of the exchange.

MissMarplesBloomers · 10/08/2013 14:39

Keep a super soaker gun to blast them with before they climb up

.....wounded pride but no harm done. Grin

doingthesplitz · 10/08/2013 14:43

I think Vintage has a point. We've become so careful of not damaging young people's delicate little psyches that some of them now think they can jack boot around, demanding respect but giving none in return.
Obviously, mentioning his weight wasn't ideal, but we're all human and sometimes we can be just provoked into saying things we regret later. That little brat might think twice the next time he cheeks and provokes someone.

alemci · 10/08/2013 14:47

they should have got down and not made rude remarks about you watching tv.

in an ideal world you wouldn't have commented about his weight but I wouldn't worry about it. yanbu

WhenToGo · 10/08/2013 14:48

I'm with Vintage and Splitz. You were rude, but not abusive, and they started the confrontation. By 14 you know, or should know that actions have consequences.

waxymaxy · 10/08/2013 14:52

Rude on both sides but he only wanted his ball back so if you could have just let him fetch it and be gone without any escalation.

doingthesplitz · 10/08/2013 14:53

Look at it this way. If you heard another kid in school had made an insulting remark about his weight you would think 'that's awful'. But if you then heard the overweight child had been deliberately taunting and annoying the other child you would then think 'well, that's different. The brat asked for it'.
I know in this scenario it was an adult versus a teen but 'you asked for it' is probably an expression some teenagers need to learn about.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/08/2013 14:53

YANBU. BUt I would have knocked it down for them to stop them risking their necks. But really WHY did you choose to live in such a place?

PeriodMath · 10/08/2013 14:53

Who cares? They sound like a pair of little shits, no concern for anyone but themselves. Their parents will have spent 14 years encouraging them to do whatever they like, no matter who it bothers. Exactly the types who come on here defending sitting in your garden shrieking and playing music all evening - it's MY garden, MY DCs are happy - that's all I care about.

doingthesplitz · 10/08/2013 14:54

waxy, the OP has explained that allowing kids to climb on the roof is a threat to her security and privacy as well as very dangerous for the children.

Thumbwitch · 10/08/2013 14:56

Crikey, never mind your AIBU (you are, btw) but can you not get someone to secure that more safely? Apart from the H&S issues, I'd be worried as anything that my own apartment's security was so compromised! I know you said as much in your OP, but really, who can you get to deal with this ASAP? (Have been burgled 3 times and had my car stolen twice so am a bit paranoid about this sort of thing)

waxymaxy · 10/08/2013 14:58

But it's hardly a threat to her if he just quickly gets the ball back is it? Dangerous - well probably a bit but how else are they supposed to get the ball and get on with the game?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/08/2013 15:01

waxy I assume the OP knows the set up a lot better than you.

nailslikeknives · 10/08/2013 15:01

Probably yabu, but I can see why you're trying to deter people from climbing.
Maybe explain the problem to the crèche and ask them to put anti-climb paint around the edge of the roof?

Original poster
arabesque · 10/08/2013 15:02

Well, my point waxy, is that I don't want the kids and teenagers around thinking it's okay to climb up onto the roof anytime they want to retrieve a ball, hide from one of their friends or whatever. I had also told them they could ask the creche to get someone to go up with a ladder on Monday and retrieve the ball. I know they wanted to get on with their game but I don't think that trumps my right to security and privacy or makes it okay for them to walk on an insecure roof.

Thumbwitch, I agree I need to get this sorted and am going to stress the legal side to the Management Company and suggest that the creche either changed the top of the gate so it no longer has a smooth surface of slants the roof so the kids can't balance on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
arabesque · 10/08/2013 15:04

Good idea nails. They put that paint on a wall running around the creche car park which kids were also using to gain access to a flat roof running under the back of mine and next door's apartment. (Involving a dangerous jump between the end of the wall and the beginning of the roof which could have been fatal).
Sigh. I will never buy a property beside a business again.

OP posts:
claraschu · 10/08/2013 15:10

He had a specific reason to reach up on the roof; you would have come across to the boys as officious and fussy. A 14 year old in the middle of a football game is never going to be considering that the lady who lives in the first floor flat might feel intruded upon!

I would have offered to push the ball down, and then explained that the roof isn't strong enough to hold them (if that is really true).

They weren't trying to bother you or break in to your house; they wanted their ball.

I agree with waxy.

kali110 · 10/08/2013 15:14

I dont think ywbu. They're 14 old enough to know better!you asked them to get down and they ignored you. If they'd hurt themselves you would have people moaning why did you let them up there etc. i know it weren't a nice thing what you said but i wouldn't feel bad about it they were somewhere they shouldn't have been and knew it. Call the police next time let them sort it out.
Get onto management this isnt fair on you. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. Tell them if they don't secure it you will get it done and then bill them for it..

Original poster
arabesque · 10/08/2013 15:19

Well maybe I'm wrong claraschu but I would think a 14 year old should know that if he's told he's trespassing it is rude to start arguing and slagging off the adult who has told them so. I know he had a specific reason but that doesn't change the fact that it was dangerous and intrusive to someone else.
I'm not excusing what I said, but I don't think I am wrong to not want kids climbing onto the roof beneath my windows.

OP posts:
waxymaxy · 10/08/2013 15:20

The undertone I'm getting here seems to be that teens are inevitably rude and entitled brats acting up when in fact it is just the age-old kids problem of getting a ball back from a tricky place. Didn't any of you ever have that problem?

I assume the op must have been pretty confrontational for the other kid to start kicking off about phoning the police. Why start all that? Let him get the ball and then take it up with the management.

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