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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with dh after night out?

63 replies

Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 10:48

Dh and bil went out for a few beers last night.

In the interest of disclosure-dh rarely goes out-I go out at least once a month with friends.

He came home at 1am and started telling me about how him and bil were getting chatted up by "old grannies"-his wordsHmm and how bil was trying to persuade him to go to another pub where they would definitely be able to "pull"-bil been before and apparently all the women were gagging for it and bil snogged a young women-bil is 45 and marriedHmm

Bil has form btw-worked abroad and I strongly suspect used prostitutes.

Aibu to be pissed off with dh for telling me this and for also expecting someone sort of medal for not following bil like a sheep? He seemed to think I would find it amusing?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2013 15:24

I think it does matter, even if she trusts him. He is complicit, even encouraging, about someone making a mockery of their marriage vows. Even if the SIL is a cah, even if the DH doesn't do anything, it's pretty low to watch someone cheating, in this case cheating on a member of your family.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 15:26

I trust him in so far as I don't think any young women is really going to be interested in an obese man. I know that sounds horrible but Im afraid its true.

But I don't trust him when he goes with bil no because as I said he hero worships bil and I think he could quite easily just go along with what bil says and try and pull womenAngry

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 15:27

Then your problem is not your BIL or the bar.

It's being married to someone you can't trust.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 15:29

Yep that's it-I am disgusted that dh thinks its funny for his brother to cheat on his wife-they have been together since they were 17 btw-and also perhaps more importantly his dd's.

I honestly think a lot of it is also bullshit on bil part-I am sure he would love to be out shagging young women every weekend but I don't think that's quite the realityHmm but for dh to blindly just believe the bullshit? Makes me think my dh is an arse too quite frankly.

OP posts:
lurkedtoolong · 10/08/2013 15:35

You don't sound like you like your DH very much. Your BIL sounds like a cock of the highest order but you seem to be irrationally angry with your husband.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/08/2013 15:38

You only trust your DH not to cheat on you because you believe him to be too fat, old, and unattractive for anyone to fancy him?

Wow, I think you need to stop focusing on all this nonsense about your BIL. You have MUCH bigger problems.

StraightJacket · 10/08/2013 15:49

Have you asked your DH what he thinks of his brothers actions?

At the end of the day, apart from him telling his brother he doesn't agree, what do you expect him to do? Disown him? His brother is an adult who will do as he pleases no matter what but at the end of the day, he is still your DH brother, you can't change that.

Seems to me there are bigger problems here and you are blowing this out of proportion because of them. The way you describe your DH isn't exactly in a loving way.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 15:52

No I don't much like or love my dh when he behaves in this way or condones his brother behaving this way-it repulses me quite honestly.

I told dh last night that I though bil was pathetic and full of shit. Dh insisted all the stuff about the young women "throwing themselves" at bil was trueHmm and that bil is always out on the pull.AgainHmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 15:54

So honestly if your dh came home and told you bil/friend what ever was cheating and boasting about it-you would all think this was hilarious and be happy to be privy to this potentially explosive information? Aye rightHmm

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 15:56

It sounds as though you're taking your anger about your BIL's behaviour out on your DH.

I must admit it sounds a bit disproportionate

Just tell your DH not to tell you in future.

WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 15:58

Who said they'd find it hilarious?

Your anger is sounding more disproportionate with each post

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 16:01

I am angry worra. I find their whole attitude towards women disgusting. As I said bil has 2 dd's and the women he is sniffing around are not much older than them. I find this horrible.

Doesn't matter if dh tells me or not-I know now and its something that is going to grate with me every time they go out.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 16:08

Yes but this is your BIL who behaves like that...not your DH.

You sound as though you're taking it out on the wrong person.

StraightJacket · 10/08/2013 16:09

So have you sat down and had a proper discussion about this with your husband whilst he is sober?

You can't stop him from seeing his brother, but you can make him see and understand your point of view.

Onesleeptillwembley · 10/08/2013 16:11

Theysound a pair of knobs. If he'd told you in a shocked or unhappy way then I'd think it was good he was sharing. It almost sounds as if he was boasting. Who wants a bloke like that?

quesadilla · 10/08/2013 16:29

Agree that it's sleazy and yucky but others are right to point out that at least he told you. It sort of depends on how he told you as well... If it was told with obvious contempt for BIL then YABU and hard to see what else your DH could have done.

If it was told as a big joke which you were expected to be in on then YANBU.

BrokenBanana · 10/08/2013 16:42

I have to agree I'd be worried if DP was laughing about his brother cheating and bugging him up, it kind of makes you feel like they obviously think cheating isn't that bad of a thing to do.

Cheating on his wife isn't really funny at all :(

WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 16:49

Actually come to think of it

I wonder if the OP's DH knows she thinks no other woman would fancy him?

And this is his way of trying to plant a seed in her head?

You know, so she's not so cock sure about it?

If that's the case then he's being childish but also quite sad/insecure.

Just a thought

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 16:56

They are both very childish worra. I am not saying that no other women would fancy him-obviously I do even if I don't particularly like him at the moment. I just find it hard to believe that a young women-eg early 20's-is going to look at him and think wow what a hunk!

I doubt a young man of a similar age is going to look at me,37 years old and faint with lust either!

He told me in a laughing manner,boasting about his brother and seemed quite happy to believe bill's bullshit about being able to pull with little or no effortHmm

He quite clearly sees nowt wrong with bil cheating but to be fair I knew this anyway as it was dh who dropped the bombshell about bil and prostitutesHmm

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 10/08/2013 16:57

He sounds fucking vile and immature. What are you doing with him?

WorraLiberty · 10/08/2013 16:59

But maybe it's not bull shit about him being able to pull with little or no effort?

Some women literally throw themselves at the nearest man who will buy them a drink.

Either way, yes your DH does sound like a childish dick...but I still think you're shooting the messenger here.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 17:05

You are of course right Worra-I do have bigger issues here than bil. Dh has some form too-I strongly suspect he cheated with someone at his work.

It was a long time ago and I doubt I would ever be able to prove it now but I honestly thought he had grown up a bit over the past few years-especially with regards his attitude towards women. Clearly notAngry

OP posts:
OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/08/2013 20:38

I think you are massivley missing the point here. Would I find it hilarious if my DH came home and told me the same things your DH is in the same way? Of course not. But he wouldn't, because he's not a twat. neither is my BIL.
On the other hand, your BIL sound hideous, your DH not much better, and you don't come out smelling of roses yourself. But seriously, you have no perspective.

HaroldLloyd · 10/08/2013 20:43

I wouldnt be annoyed if he told you disgusted with him but the jovial oh isnt he a card delivery would really annoy me, as I would expect him to have a bit of care & respect for his SIL as well. Mainly as he has form.

So I dont think you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 10/08/2013 20:50

I smell of expensive perfume.Dear. So wind your neck in.

OP posts:
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