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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we all take an OP's word as gospel when it may not be

57 replies

Ilovemyself · 10/08/2013 08:24

Most of us ( myself included!) come on here and like to comment on people's discussions based on the OP's original post.

The problem is, we never hear the other side of the story.

The OP could be 100% right, but they could also be using the thread to boost their own view of being right. ( and go back to the person they are pissed off with and say that lots of people agree with them)

AIBU to think that people should not take the OP's word as gospel when some questions them?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 08:27

Difficult. I always do until anything is said that makes me thing 'chinny reckon'. i think if you thought like you describe all the time you would have a really crap time on MN.

But YANBU. Smile

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 08:27

*think

ZillionChocolate · 10/08/2013 08:27

Unless what they say is inconsistent or inherently improbable, I think you have to take their word. Threads questioning every possible option would be unmanageable and dull. This is only the Internet, so it doesn't really matter if we get it wrong; judgy pants do not give us the power to send people to prison or have their children adopted.

MrsCampbellBlack · 10/08/2013 08:29

People don't though. Often OP's are questioned. I assume with most posts there's a little artistic licence, just as there in RL when people re-tell things that have happened to them.

But it is annoying when you post something and people basically tell you that it didn't happen. [bitter]

BlingBang · 10/08/2013 08:31

i never take anything on here as gospel. why would you?

INeedSomeHelp · 10/08/2013 08:34

That's true irl too though surely? If a friend comes to see you to moan about her DH for example - you're still only getting her side of the story.
And even if you were able to speak to the other person you still only get their version of the truth. Which is skewed by their experiences and emotions as much as the OP's.
The only way you could know the absolute truth is if you were there. You just have to take on what an OP says because that's what they believe to be true so that is their reality.

Titsalinabumsquash · 10/08/2013 08:34

I've had someone flatly tell my I was lying on here (I wasn't) it was bizarre as it was a quite mundane anecdote about something I'd witnessed. Hmm

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 10/08/2013 08:35

I assume that there is mild exaggeration in some OPs, and if anything is suspicious then I will question it, but I tend to take their word as I think it's better to wait until there is a real suspicion that it isn't completely right. Innocent until proven guilty, I guess?

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 10/08/2013 08:36

Zillion. What I agree that we don't need to question everything. What really gets annoying is when people take others word as gospel, but there are inconsistencies or the poster is obviously biased.

MrsCampbellBlack. I think that for everyone that questions there will always be a good number that jump to the OP's defence unquestionably, even when others have questioned something that doesn't seem right

OP posts:
MakeMineACafPow · 10/08/2013 08:36

Grin @ sparkling! Chinny reckon! hahahaha took me right back to school there for a moment, haven't heard that for years!

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 10/08/2013 08:38

Ineed. I agree that irl it is the same. What I am getting at are those that unquestionably acept the word of the OP despite a reasonable comment from another poster asking for more info or questioning them.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2013 08:51

Also known in the 80s as 'itchy beard' Make.

aturtlenamedmack · 10/08/2013 08:56

It would just be the same as your friend telling you something in real life. What you are getting is their version of events. Unless you were there to witness it, you would have no idea what had happened.
If my friend asked me for advice I would advice them based on my understanding of the situation. All you can do on here is the same.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2013 08:58

I wouldn't worry..loads of people on AIBU take the other side and rip OP to shreds

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/08/2013 08:59

And they probably make up for the others with their dogged aggression

Original poster
Ilovemyself · 10/08/2013 09:00

It's more the unwillingness to see the other side of an argument that gets me.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 10/08/2013 09:31

and the sometimes unlikely dripfeeding by the OP to convince waverers that she was NBU when it might, just possibly have been implied to any normal, rational person that she was in the original post! Grin
Love those!

I think you have to go on what is said, but also balance your response. So, where an OP is obviously very wound up and irate over something, tell them to take a step back, think about exactly what happened, was there more to it really, is there a background story that might be relevant etc. I would never do the LTB thing, although there are times when I have said that if they are genuinely concerned about a certain situation then phoning the police would be the obvious option.

MrsKeithRichards · 10/08/2013 09:33

It's a forum, not Judge Judy.

PrettyKitty1986 · 10/08/2013 09:39

I think a good amount of threads are either complete fantasy, or most likely have a basis in fact but are completely over-exaggerated and hyped up.

You always get it on forums like this though - people who aren't getting enough attention in rl for whatever reason.

Lazyjaney · 10/08/2013 09:40

I have the starting assumption that it's just one side of a story.

Edendance · 10/08/2013 09:42

I've also had people tell me I'm lying on here, it was also weird as it was about a fairly regular occupation of some friends of mine Hmm

ComposHat · 10/08/2013 09:45

Given that thw the gospels were written by people who didn't know the protagonist and were written on third or fourth hand Knowledge several hundred years after the event, by people who had their own agenda to peddle with no recourse to the facts....tes a lot of posts on AIBU could be described as the gospel truth.

Catmint · 10/08/2013 09:46

It is obvious that people will represent their situation from their own perspective.

MissDuke · 10/08/2013 09:53

Well I take each op as I find it and assume it to be true. I enjoy being shocked/outraged etc at some of the scenarios, and it would be so boring to click on each post and assume it is a work of fiction. At the end of the day who cares, it isn't like we are sending them money, or doing anything particularly strenuous to help them?

fluffyraggies · 10/08/2013 09:57

Of course you're only going to get the OPs take on things. It's not a court room!

I would say everyday there is a thread or two started by a poster who is talking obvious and utter nonsense and they get shot down in YABUs. And the thread dies.

I think the great lure of AIBU is the healthy love of debate. I open many threads and find i change my opinion and am surprised and also educated by some of the responses.

What does sadden me is when a poster is in obvious distress and has posted something in AIBU when it should have been in Rships, or Mental health or whatever. It's upsetting to see the same posters 'bear batting' the OP.