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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleagues forgotten about me whilst on mat leave...

53 replies

FeelingABitLeftOut · 09/08/2013 23:10

NC as I think some colleagues are avid mners!

I'm currently on mat leave...really missing work and have made a huge effort to keep in touch with colleagues, regular visits to work with baby, facebook, gone to social events organised for whole company etc.

Really thought I had a good relationship with my department, there's me and a few other women. When another woman was on mat leave last yr we always invited her out on department socials, she never came to any but was always invited as we didn't want to make her feel left out and really missed her as part of the team.

I logged on to Facebook today and there's a smug status from the head of department, tagging most of the others, saying what a lovely lunch they all had together. The ones who weren't tagged are not on facebook but could have been at the meal. AIBU to feel left out? I just feel like my friends have forgotten about me :(

OP posts:
trinity0097 · 10/08/2013 06:02

I had a lunch with some colleagues/friends this week after a morning of clearing out our classrooms, perhaps they had been doing something schooly and then went for a bite to eat, unplanned before they decided to do it on the day?

CatsWearingTutus · 10/08/2013 06:11

Don't tar them all with the same brush. The one person who did the inviting probably accidentally forgot to add you to the list or misunderstood and thought you wouldn't want to be bothered. Once you're back you'll soon get into the swing of things again. Try to look on the bright side - you miss your colleagues because you get one with them so well - lucky you!

Justforlaughs · 10/08/2013 06:28

YANBU to feel left out - I do try to involve people who are on maternity leave or even those who have moved on but were once part of "the team" in social events, but I seem to be fighting a lone battle. I'd post something light hearted on the fb status, like "looks like you had a great time, does anyone fancy doing it again soon?" or "where's was MY invite you miserable gits! [with a sticky out tongue emoticon]" depending on the relationship you have with them.

plentyofsoap · 10/08/2013 06:54

I really hope I get forgotten about! You will be back soon enough I don't think they mean it.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 10/08/2013 06:59

People are not reading the thread. This was not part of the working day but an out of work event arranged specially.
OP I genuinely would email your line manager and explain that you want to keep in touch with everyone and please could they invite you to social events? No need to be confrontational type email

Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 07:06

thirty and trinity our workplace is closed for the summer and this week no-one is allowed on the premises due to renovation work going on on-site. So the lunch was definitely not part of anything work-related or a follow-on to tidying up etc.

I guess I just feel hurt because of the fact I made it really clear I was wanting to meet up and they did it anyway without me. Looking back at a previous status, they decided to go out about 2 weeks ago so at the time I'd expected to hear from one of them about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 07:07

Oops I'd have expected.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 07:14

Yeah frances I could do that but it is a bit of a sad situation...asking for invites to things! I was about to say that I think in doing that I'd create an atmosphere around future socials but I think after this there's going to be an atmosphere anyway!

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 10/08/2013 07:17

I really think you're getting too involved in this. People have short memories. They just need a little reminder. Unless you have reason to believe it was malicious?

flowery · 10/08/2013 07:25

Sounds like they've just been a bit thoughtless.

I'd give whoever you are closest to a ring and say "ooh I see some of you were out for a lunch the other day- looks like you had a great time. I'd love to have been there so make sure I'm on the list for next time!"

In a very lighthearted, it's no big deal, friendly tone. That way there's no need for an atmosphere. You're stewing already, so you need to say something otherwise it will fester all summer and you'll be all resentful and they won't have a clue why.

But if it is all you being upset/offended at being left out, that's where there'll be an atmosphere.

Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 07:26

No I don't think it was malicious, and I really hope not.

Just really surprised as one of them got in touch with me this week via facebook as I had a big birthday, so she could've said something then... Or at least it may have jogged her memory?

OP posts:
wildspinning · 10/08/2013 07:26

Facebook is the real culprit here...I remember that sinking feeling when I logged on and saw things I thought I should have been included in, and spent far too long analysing statuses, tags, messages etc.

I've now quit Facebook and am much happier! My real friends keep in touch via email and text and I no longer know - or care - what others are up to.

Sorry for this digression, OP - I'd feel just like you in your shoes. I bet once you're back it'll be as though you've never been away and you'll be fully back in the team incl socials.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 10/08/2013 07:29

hmm that is strange.
I do wonder whether there has been a reminder that people on ML are not to be pestered about "work stuff". IN which case even more reason to say "I know I'm on ML but I'd love to be included in any social events you have on"

Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 07:37

Maybe but firstly I thought we were closer than that and that although they know not to contact me for work stuff, we have all stayed in touch socially. Also I have already said about being included etc, I saw my colleagues just before the end of term and said that.

Will just keep my mind open and hope it's not malicious.

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 10/08/2013 07:39

That does seem bit shit then :(

BlackholesAndRevelations · 10/08/2013 07:41

Get over it! I can understand the feelings- having a year off on mat leave meant I was well and truly out of the "clique" and wasn't invited to hen dos, weddings etc which I'm pretty sure I would have been if I was there. however I don't really care now because I weighed it up; they're just work colleagues, I have "real" friends, and think it's a bit dangerous relying on work colleagues to be friends/socialise with out of work. Much as it makes me feel a bit sad not to be as close as I was with them anymore, I'm off again soon on another mat leave and that's more important than trying to keep in with the crowd (who are great fun to be with but sooooo bitchy that it makes me wonder what the hell they must say about me when I'm not there!)

chanie44 · 10/08/2013 08:04

When I went on mat leave, I was the one who instigated contact and ensured I knew what was going on. I'd go in with the children and go out for lunch.

If you aren't physically in the office, it's easy to be forgotten about. I say this as somebody who works in a hr department.

I don't think it's personal, but I so think if you are off, the onus is more on you to make the effort to not be left out.

Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 08:14

chanie I have been making an effort. I said that in the OP.

OP posts:
kay1975 · 10/08/2013 09:58

It's harsh, but work colleagues do forget about you when your on mat leave. It happened to me, but I was guilty of forgetting others on mat leave. They do have lunches, drinks after work without inviting you, but once your back, you'll be included again. Try not to obsess to much, just enjoy your baby and your time off, you'll soon be back at work, wishing you were at home! X

PinkSippyCup · 10/08/2013 10:08

OP I'm a Teacher and also on maternity leave atm and if you work with me I also wasn't invited to the lunch Grin

But seriously this is one of the reasons I have deactivated my Facebook! I was spending too much time feeling sad about what everyone else was doing.

I'd recommend it to anyone!

OwlinaTree · 10/08/2013 10:10

There could be a reason you don't know about, a personal reason that they didn't want someone to come with a baby.

I got pretty annoyed when a woman kept bringing her babies to work and to social events after I lost a baby at 38 weeks. I was very happy she has had healthy babies but didn't really want it in my face when I'm working or socialising with work colleges.

Just a possibility?

OwlinaTree · 10/08/2013 10:11

There could be a reason you don't know about, a personal reason that they didn't want someone to come with a baby.

I got pretty annoyed when a woman kept bringing her babies to work and to social events after I lost a baby at 38 weeks. I was very happy she has had healthy babies but didn't really want it in my face when I'm working or socialising with work colleges.

Just a possibility?

Original poster
FeelingABitLeftOut · 10/08/2013 10:28

Don't think so as they've all either had as many children as they want or are not trying at the moment as they've just had one. Plus I had made it clear I really wanted some kiddy-free time! Maybe there is a reason I'd not thought of though so thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 10/08/2013 10:54

Tho if it was something like that it's a bit daft to then put it on face book!

I hope you get it sorted and an invite to the next event!

masirah · 10/08/2013 13:43

No, I am not a colleague.

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