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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to visit BIL again?

40 replies

SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2013 20:03

We're just back from a tour of ILs. We spent the first night at BILs and it's always hard work. I can't face them without a drink!
They are very frugal and abstemious, they are quite disapproving of other family members alcohol intake and can be quite Calvinist.
I sensibly stopped a a nearby shop and arrived with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of chilled Sauvignon Blanc.
SIL accepted the wine with thanks but I never saw it again -It was a long evening!
Shall I have a hp flask in my handbag next time, call into the pub on the way or refuse to go again! Hmm
Should add before the puritans chase me with pitchforksthat there are no religious sensitivities involved and I am not being entirely serious. Grin

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 08/08/2013 20:07

You've got to back.

They're holding your bottle of Sauvignon Blanc hostage.

LindyHemming · 08/08/2013 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AaDB · 08/08/2013 20:09

Running is right. Free the SB!

firesidechat · 08/08/2013 20:09

My sil and bil don't drink alcohol and when we visit them we take a bottle of something soft. We love a glass of wine, but can go a night or two without.

Do these ils drink at all? If not I wonder what's happened to your wine now. Down the sink?

ClartyCarol · 08/08/2013 20:10

Well I wouldn't be able to resist asking in a jovial manner, "Are we going to crack open the wine then? Me throat's as dry as a witches tit here!" purely to enjoy his strangled response.

Leeds2 · 08/08/2013 20:11

I would stay in a hotel next time. And invite them to dine at the hotel with you.

pianodoodle · 08/08/2013 20:13

A tour of the in laws?!

((faints))

Original poster
SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2013 20:17

I was tempted to take it back, SIL had held it captive put it in the fridge.
When I arrived at MILs with flowers and wine, I was all ready to say, "where are the glasses then?" But MIL gave me one straight away.
They do drink fireside, but not very much.

OP posts:
Original poster
SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2013 20:58

I have the PILs and 2 BILs living in another country (within the UK) pianodoodle so a tour is the most efficient way to visit.
Due to the distance involved, I have to take annual leave, thus me being in 'holiday mode' and fancying a Wine

OP posts:
mameulah · 08/08/2013 21:00

Definitely plan a treat for when you get home having survived the evening!

I would have a bottle of your favourite chilling in the fridge so at least you have that to look forward to. And don't waste wine on her again!

NicknameIncomplete · 08/08/2013 22:13

Maybe they dont drink very often so didnt think to offer you a glass.

If someone gave me a bottle of alcohol i would say thanks & then put it away until the next school fete & then donate it to the bottle stall as i dont drink.

It is perfectly normal not to want to open a bottle of alcohol as soon as you get it.

Numberlock · 08/08/2013 22:21

Nickname but wouldn't you offer your guests a different wine that you'd got in for them or do you not offer alcohol as you don't drink?

Re the OP, I think it's poor hosting not to offer wine to people who you know are not tea-total, especially when you've had a long journey and taken time off work to see them.

BeesGoBuzzzzzz · 08/08/2013 22:38

Thing is, people who don't drink much often don't realise how much other people need a drink.

Has been the source of much family moaning for decades in our family.

Maybe the drinks thing has become a 'thing' in your family?

Would a night off kill you?

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 22:42

If you bring someone a bottle of wine and they don't crack it open its rude imo. Mylaws piss me off with like this. They like a drink with sunday dinner but never offer me one as dh is driving. Yeah he is but Im bloody notAngry

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 22:44

Bees, they were the guests! The hosts know the guests like to have a drink in the evening on their holidays. The guests bring a bottle. Why should they have a night off? For all you know the OP only has a drink on her holidays!

The hosts should have offered and given the guests a choice.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/08/2013 22:46

Oh I would deffo be of the, 'Crack it open; I'm parched,' camp.

BeesGoBuzzzzzz · 08/08/2013 22:50

But that is not how it works, a host offers, a guest accepts. Op knows these people don't drink much so understands not much booze will be offered.

Taking a bottle as a gift is Just game playing. I guess op could be honest and say 'I have brought my own drink' - which is rude and embarrassing but at least honest.

It has been the same way in my family for decades, one half drinks, one half doesn't. If you don't like what is on offer, don't go. You can't make people offer stuff they don't want to.

Lanceolate · 08/08/2013 22:51

I very rarely drink. If I have to be around my ILs I find alcohol takes the edge off.

ravenAK · 08/08/2013 22:53

Dh's stepmum is like this.

We have a tried & tested system. We don't take her a bottle, having discovered that she donates them to the church fete. Instead we take her lovely paintings/models produced by the dc during school term, & conveniently, sent home by the bagful at the end of each term, just before we visit step-MIL. She loves them & displays them proudly.

We do buy a bottle on the way to see her. I drink it in the car as dh drives us all home.

Original poster
SauvignonBlanche · 09/08/2013 11:56

I didn't make out it was a gift as such BeeGees. if I buy wine as a gift I'd put it in a bottle bag, or tie a bow on it. I handed it over still in the Sainsbury's carrier bag.
If I go round for dinner anywhere I'd turn up with a bottle of something as a contribution, I rarely go anywhere empty-handed.
I'd be happy to have a night off in different circumstances but I doubt you've met my ILs, or you'd understand my need for Wine!
I'll have a bottle of red in my overnight bag next time.

OP posts:
BeesGoBuzzzzzz · 09/08/2013 15:02

I haven't met your inlaws, but every one has family... Like I say, this argument has been rumbling for decades with my lot. I don't really drink so I guess don't understand how it feels. I just put out something of everything and let the fights begin.

DidoTheDodo · 09/08/2013 15:07

Offering wine to teetotallers is like offering fags to non smokers. They just wouldn't get WHY.
And surely nobody NEEDS wine to get through an awkward social situation. Might make it easier, but that's all!

afromom · 09/08/2013 15:18

I must admit I very rarely drink and never at home, only the odd cider at a party. I wouldn't think to offer the wine that was handed over, however if someone asked could I have a glass of wine when offered a drink I would give them one with no problem. It could just be that they didn't think to offer. Next time I would just ask for a glass of wine when offered a drink.

Original poster
SauvignonBlanche · 09/08/2013 17:13

They're not teetotallers Dido, I did say that they do drink earlier in the thread.
Part of the many reasons why the visit is hard work afromom is that you are not offered anything, if they did, your advice would work nicely.
As DH noted the following morning, when we went out to the shop together to get breakfast, they don't really 'do' hospitality. I guess I find it hard as I'm the opposite.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/08/2013 17:21

I'm now imagining the Puritan aunt and uncle who visit Blackadder.

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