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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding related, just a quick poll really.

48 replies

ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:08

AIBU to think that if a bride wants her bridesmaids hair done a certain way then she should have to pay the hairdressers to style it that way. And that if she expects the bridesmaids to pay, then she can't really dictate what hairstyle it is?

OP posts:
HappyYoni · 08/08/2013 19:09

Yanbu

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/08/2013 19:10

YANBU

FatPenguin · 08/08/2013 19:10

Yanbu, I think bride should pay if she wants their hair in a certain style. But I do think it's odd when a bride dictates the bridesmaids hairstyles.

SlimePrincess · 08/08/2013 19:12

YANBU

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/08/2013 19:14

Bride should probably pay anyway, but certainly if she wants to dictate.

I paid and let her choose. She chose to coordinate but not match (so did my mother Hmm ).

CocacolaMum · 08/08/2013 19:14

YANBU. My bridesmaids asked how I wanted their hair and were aghast at my response of "err its YOUR hair, wear it how you are comfortable!"

Fast forward to one of those bridesmaids weddings at which I was bridesmaid and I ended up with a TON of grips and a weird monument to hair on my head. We don't speak much anymore. Ah well..

CocacolaMum · 08/08/2013 19:15

YANBU. My bridesmaids asked how I wanted their hair and were aghast at my response of "err its YOUR hair, wear it how you are comfortable!"

Fast forward to one of those bridesmaids weddings at which I was bridesmaid and I ended up with a TON of grips and a weird monument to hair on my head. We don't speak much anymore. Ah well..

CocacolaMum · 08/08/2013 19:16

echooooo

Smartiepants79 · 08/08/2013 19:17

I agree with you up to a point.
As a bride I would hope that my bridesmaids would be open to style suggestions no matter who was paying.
As a bridesmaid I would expect the bride to have some input.
BUT if I hated it and thought I looked awful I would also hope that the bride would respect me enough to let me have something different without causing a fuss!

SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2013 19:17

What sort of Bridezilla dictates BM's hairstyles? Hmm

Justforlaughs · 08/08/2013 19:17

Surely it should be up to the bride and bridesmaids to discuss and agree on something that everyone is happy with and likes. I really don't understand the conflict at all in most of the weddings on mumsnet. Confused. If I was the bride, I would want everyone to be happy, whether I paid or not, and if I was the bridesmaid then I would want the bride to be happy.

Original poster
ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:18

Dsis is getting married and has informed me that i (as bridesmaid) will have to pay for my own hair and makeup. I told this was perfect, im perfectly capable of doing my own makeup and means i can do my hair as i like it. Cue her telling me that this is not how it works (I felt like telling her yeah actually it is). So she has now relented to pay for the hair as she wants all the bridesmaids to be the same but has made clear she is absolutely not happy with the situation. Just checking on here that IANBU Smile.

OP posts:
meganorks · 08/08/2013 19:19

If she wants them do get it done professionally she should pay. If she wants it a certain way that bridesmaids can't do themself then she should pay. If it is something fairly straightforward then they should style it as requested.

I don't really get making bridesmaids paying for their own dress though, do maybe biased.

Original poster
ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:22

I just think that if I have to pay to get my hair styled, then its going to be something that i like. Im not really into updos with barrel curls and i suspect it is something like this that she is wanting. Which is fine is she is paying, will accept it for the day.

OP posts:
Jan49 · 08/08/2013 19:24

I think it's up to the bridesmaids how they want their hair. The B & G just dictate the dress.

If the B & G are at all fussy about how the bm's hair is styled, they should pay, not the BM's.

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/08/2013 19:25

After update, OP, YADNBU.

meganorks · 08/08/2013 19:26

How does the telling you you have to pay work? I just can't imagine doing this with my bridesmaids. Did she tell you what you would have to pay for when she asked you to be a bridesmaid? Surely its unfair otherwise.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/08/2013 19:32

YANBU at all! If she wants something specific, she pays.

Original poster
ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:34

TBH i dont think my dsis has properly costed out how much a wedding actually costs. I dont think they have any money saved specifically for a wedding nor has she set a budget for it, but is just paying for things as they come along. She is not getting married until early next year but i have been trying to push her to cost a few things (as she has booked the church) and i think having seen how much things actually cost is now trying to do it as cheap as possible. Not how i would plan a wedding but hey ho.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:37

megenorks, i think her words were more or less, i have looked into how much hair and make up costs, its really expensive so you will have to pay for your own.

Which scares me a little because hair and make up costs are a relatively small part of wedding costs.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 08/08/2013 19:37

YANBU.

The last wedding I went to everyone, including the bride, did their own hair and makeup and every ones hair was different. They all had exactly what they wanted and what suited them.

BrokenSunglasses · 08/08/2013 19:37

YANBU.

Your sister needed to be put straight, whether she is happy about it or not is irrelevant.

MrsKoala · 08/08/2013 19:38

i see, so the way 'it works' is she gets to choose and control what everyone else does, but they have to pay for the privilege of her getting her own way? riiiiggght. That is only the way 'it works' in the minds of the deluded who think there speshul day trumps everything in the world.

When i had BM's i let them choose their own dresses as long as it was pink (could be any shade), i wanted something they would like and wear again. They did own hair and makeup with no input from me (just like they manage to every day for their whole lives Shock ) and wore their own shoes of whatever style they felt comfortable.

I know i keep saying this but wtf is going on with these women?

MrsKoala · 08/08/2013 19:48

HAAA! i think her words were more or less, i have looked into how much hair and make up costs, its really expensive so you will have to pay for your own.

Not; i think her words were more or less, i have looked into how much hair and make up costs, its really expensive so we will do our own . Oh no, course not. You couldn't possibly NOT have it professionally done.

Tbh as someone who has studied make up and bridal make up (many moons ago) i wouldn't bother with professionally done make up at all. Hair is different if you want an up 'do' as they are tricky. But you know your face and colour better than anyone. I would recommend (as you have plenty of time) going for loads of free bridal trial make ups at beauty counters (Mac are usually particularly good) then if you like any colours buy them, they will explain what they are dong and will write down step by step instructions. Have a practice. Then do your own. Having it 'done' on the day is difficult, if you don't like it you feel you can't wash it off, it smudges, you can often sit around for hours with it before you leave, meaning it needs touching up. It just is a waste of money imo.

Original poster
ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 20:00

I absolutely agree Mrs. Koala, i probably will just do my own make up. If i get it professionally done then i wont be able to touch it up later on myself (which i guarantee i will need). Hair is a bit tricky, but if I do have to pay for it, it'll be done how i like it.

OP posts: