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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding related, just a quick poll really.

48 replies

ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 19:08

AIBU to think that if a bride wants her bridesmaids hair done a certain way then she should have to pay the hairdressers to style it that way. And that if she expects the bridesmaids to pay, then she can't really dictate what hairstyle it is?

OP posts:

rowtunda · 08/08/2013 20:03

Brides should not be able to dictate hairstyles whatever! Brideszilla alert!

Leeds2 · 08/08/2013 20:05

I think if the bride wants to choose your hairstyle, she has to pay for it.

My only recent experience of this is my DD being bridesmaid for my niece (her cousin) earlier this year. My sister (bride's mum) paid for a professional to do the bridesmaids hair (not cutting) and make up both on the day, and at a practice session a couple of weeks beforehand. The bridesmaids didn't end up with the same hair style, because they had what suited them as individuals.

Snog · 08/08/2013 20:16

my dd has been bridesmaid 3 times.
twice the bride paid for her haidresser to do the bridesmaids' hair too.
the other time nothing special was required and i paid for a hairdresser just to be fun for my dd!

blondieminx · 08/08/2013 20:19

YANBU!

PervyMuskrat · 08/08/2013 20:26

Ah wedding make up! DH pretty much fell off his chair laughing every time I came home after a make up trial. I decided to do my own after that...

Lackedpunchesforever · 08/08/2013 20:31

I think it looks absolutely ridiculous when adult women have their hair in exactly the same style. I always snigger when I see the photos of barrelled curls and wispy tendrils x4

Panzee · 08/08/2013 20:34

Whoever pays the piper calls the tune.

I managed to get out of having my makeup done exactly like the bride when I pointed out that our hair, skin and eyes were very different colours. :o

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/08/2013 20:38

I agree, if she wants it done professionally she pays, if she won't pay she has to accept you doing your own. Having said that, if I was left to do it myself I might still go to a hairdresser, but it would be my regular one and done in a style of my choice. I have never had make-up done professionally, don't like the sound of that at all.

Justforlaughs · 08/08/2013 20:42

From the updates YANBU, but I think it's sad when brides get so wrapped up in THEIR day that everyone else can go hang.

dragongirlx · 08/08/2013 20:43

my older sister took a strop and insisted I grow my hair for her wedding. I have had short hair since I was 9 and I hate having long hair which she knows. I grew my hair and it got to a short bob length. Went like that to the wedding and got it all cut off the week after. Haven't had it any longer since. I still wish I hadn't agreed to grow it as I hated how it looked the whole time it was growing and only felt better when it was back to my regular length. My older sister still tries to get me to grow it every time she sees me.

MrsKoala · 08/08/2013 20:47

I had a make up trial at an estee lauder counter in JL oxford street and oh my word. I couldn't stop laughing. I have quite high eyebrows (i am affectionately known as penfold and joker eyebrows by friends) and the make up artist saw this as a challenge to get as many different colours on my eyelids as possible. I looked like my sister circa 1986 Angie Wicks. My mum liked it .

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/08/2013 20:52

For what it's worth, I did my own wedding makeup and now wish I hadn't.

Well, not exactly. What looks good in person and in quick snaps looked a bit undefined in the formal shots. If I'd gone for something a bit less subtle (eg thicker lines, heavier eyeshadow, stronger lipstick) it would still have looked reasonable on the day but would have made the photos look a lot better, given the blazing sunshine and so on.

JRmumma · 08/08/2013 20:52

If she had phrased it slightly differently i might say fine. For example 'as our budget is tight, could you pay for your hair/makeup as your wedding gift to us?' might be a goer, but otherwise no.

I wouldn't mind having my hair as dictated by the bride on her wedding day if she was that way inclined, although i cant imagine any of my close friends/sister being so bothered about it.

MrsKoala · 08/08/2013 20:54

oh yes Horry, if you do your own it needs to be heavier/stronger/darker than you are used to, to last and show up in pics.

Littleen · 08/08/2013 20:57

was a bridesmaid last week, had to pay 200 pounds for the dress (we all had to pay our own) even if we all clearly said we couldn't afford it, and then we got the choice between having our hair done for 90 pounds or doing it ourselves :P she didnt get the hairstyle she wanted us to have, since it just was too awkward! so broke now! :P

Original poster

ilovebabytv · 08/08/2013 21:05

i can only take solace in the fact that dp and i are not yet married and can exact some sort of revenge then

OP posts:

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/08/2013 21:24

That's the thing, it was still intact when I went to bed, and looked good in the mirror. I just had no idea that it would look different in the photos.

Still, it's all about the frock really

beepoff · 08/08/2013 22:42

I find it so bloody weird that to celebrate their love, people feel the need to get all their best friends to dress up in identical outfits and hairstyles... Who invented that crap? Even the men do it.

Most weddings I've been to recently the bridesmaids haven't worn matching dresses thankfully and have instead all worn a similar colour.

OP, my wedding dress cost less than your hair would cost. Tell your sister that.

YANBU.

meganorks · 09/08/2013 03:03

I too am amazed by how expensive hair and make you is. But that isn't a reason to make your bridesmaids pay! At best you can say '...so I can't afford yours too, so you will need to do your own/each others'

You are right about the budget thing. She isn't going to find anything not expensive. So far I have found everything to be about double what I was expecting!

MissTweed · 09/08/2013 05:18

One thing I'm shocked with these days is the amount of brides/grooms that expect their bridesmaids/groomsmen to pay for stuff !! I didn't even cross my mind when I got married!! (On a budget!) I paid for bridesmaid hair a d let her choose! It shocks me more when brides expect their bridesmaids to pay for their own dress!! I think if the bride wants a certain hairstyle and dress then she should def be paying!!

moreyear · 09/08/2013 05:27

ThoraNomiki · 09/08/2013 08:40

YANBU a bit of discussion and input from the bride and other bridesmaids is nice - all part of the fun of planning but no dictation no matter who pays.
I think sometimes it looks a bit weird when all the bridesmaids have the same hair style whether it suits them or not.

MaxPepsi · 09/08/2013 09:19

I have been a bridesmaid several times. I upset one bride over my hair as she had some weird and wonderful idea about what would look good for me. It was the trial, I let the hairdresser do as the bride wanted. I looked a complete and utter tit and wasn't happy.
I told the hairdresser it didn't work, much to the distress of the bride and her mother, and asked her to do something different which I knew I would be happy with and that my hair suited.
Needless to say, everyone agreed with me in the end. I know my own hair!

When I was a bride, I paid for my bm's dresses and let them choose the style, I just chose the colour.
They paid for their own shoes, in a colour of my specification, but I think that is fair.
I paid for their hair doing in whatever style they were happy with.
We did our own makeup. The trials we had were all hideous!
The only bridezilla moment I had was to ask they didn't wear a necklace or dangly ear rings as it would ruin the look of the dress, which they chose!

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