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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with Pointlessly Rude People?

45 replies

ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:21

E.g. the checkout guy in our local supermarket who was deliberately, provocatively rude to me the other day for no reason. Can't be bothered to describe everything he did but it was pointed and deliberate and there was no reason for it. He doesn't know me. He even made a show of being over-the-top friendly to the woman behind me who seemed a bit confused at all the attention Confused

I normally shrug off stuff like that but he was so obvious about it I couldn't help feeling angry. I still smiled at the bugger out of habit! I didn't know whether to complain about him, laugh in his face, ignore him, wish him a nice day? I could see how much he was enjoying being rude and I thought afterwards if that gives him kicks he probably has much bigger problems BUT at the same time I didn't deserve to be treated rudely. I'm nice! And I'm still a bit annoyed.

Tellingly his was the only empty queue and he's been a bit off before so I think he's a nob in general but had decided to turn the full beam of his nobbishness on me that day.

So wise MNers, how do YOU deal with people like this, bearing in mind it's my closest shop and I'm in a lot and I will have to see him again? Should I have a pithy comeback at the ready?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 08/08/2013 14:23

"Gosh it must really piss you off to see that your rudeness has no effect on me". Big smile.

XBenedict · 08/08/2013 14:25

I think I would have asked him if he was usually this rude to all his customers or was it just me? And then smile!

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:25

But Laurie doesn't that let him know that I've clocked his rudeness? And therefore it has annoyed me enough to notice it, which contradicts the phrase? I don't want to play into his hands!

I'm confusing myself now.

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LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 08/08/2013 14:26

"You don't really like your job, do you?"

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:26

I like that Benedict! Simple, direct, unruffled!

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 08/08/2013 14:27

I would personally complain to a manager.
I work in customer service and would be very surprised if I managed to get away with rudeness to a customer.

However, and I'm sure your not, but is there any chance you have been perhaps unknowingly rude or irritating to him? I only say because I can sometimes have customers who really really make me bite my tongue and half the time I don't think they even realise the way the are behaving.
I would never actually be rude back to these customers, but that's not to say that he wouldn't.

Please don't take offence to what I have said, I'm sure its not you at all!

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:28

LadyMary I did think of that (after the fact - grrrrr!) but it's probably a bit close to the bone. He's an older man who started all of a sudden and I wondered if he'd been made redundant from another job or forced to take the job when JSA was running out.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 08/08/2013 14:29

Say something sympathetic about his job? Ask him of he has plans for the weekend? Just be unrelentingly NICE whatever he says. If you treat it like a game his rudeness won't get to you but you'll get right up his nose in a way he won't be able to complain about.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/08/2013 14:29

I think noticing the rudeness and drawing attention to it loudly is fine. Doesnt mean its affecting you. I'd be doing it loudly too.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 08/08/2013 14:30

It doesn't matter what his circumstances are, Conflict, a job's a job and there's no need to be rude. I'd call customer service and complain, his name will be on the receipt.

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:31

LJ - I promise I wasn't. I used to do a similar job myself and I am always super polite. I think what did annoy him was he was counting money REALLY SLOWWWWWLY in that way people do to look busy and keep customers away - but because I came to his till from the wrong way round I didn't see it until too late IYSWIM. I'm talking a few notes here, not armfuls of cash.

OP posts:
quesadilla · 08/08/2013 14:31

It depends on how pointed the rudeness is and what kind of job it is they are doing. If its someone stuck in an obviously hateful job dealing with loads of obnoxious people all the time I tend to let it go. If its gratuitious rudeness its worth calling people on it.

I had a choice one this morning: I asked one of the staff in a London Underground station what the nearest station was to Westminster Abbey. He said to me: "The clue is in the name." (actually Westminster tube isn't the closest to Westminster station, its St James's Park and I was nearly sure about this before I asked him but wanted to check. And I was right.)

I said to him: "Its not my problem if you hate your job but it will be yours in a minute as I'm going to ask your supervisor to move you away from a customer facing role. Can I speak to him or her please?"

That shut him up. He'll probably take revenge if he sees me tonight though....

runningonwillpower · 08/08/2013 14:32

Rudeness is the curse of modern society. I cannot abide it.

I always to respond to rudeness with over-the-top politeness. I will not stoop to that level

cushtie335 · 08/08/2013 14:33

What exactly did he say to you? Did he make a remark about your personal appearance or was it more general?

I usually deal with it by saying something like "Y'know, if your opinion meant anything to me, that remark might cause me offence, but as your opinion means NOTHING, none taken thanks".

RemoteControlledChaos · 08/08/2013 14:34

DH and I run our own business and I often encounter men (usually over 50) who talk to me like I'm an idiot, refer to DH as "the boss" and make it clear they should be talking to him. I put on a sickly sweet smile and voice and tell myself it's all a game and that said bloke's a complete nob

Lj8893 · 08/08/2013 14:34

Ahh that explains it then. He was pissed off because you interuppted him and he couldn't be bothered to serve anyone!
Lazy git. I get really annoyed by bad customer service!

Give him a second chance, if he is rude again then complain.

Mabelface · 08/08/2013 14:34

No excuse for rudeness when you're in a customer facing role. I'd speak to the manager.

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:36

Quesadilla that was a good response.

I am too bloody nice Angry I was angry enough that I thought about complaining then decided against it.

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/08/2013 14:40

I am relentlessly friendly at them. It drives them insane, which is very satisfying.

Or I laugh at them. Openly.

depends on my mood.

Of course, more often than not I don't even notice, cos I'm away with the fairies. I imagine that comes across as not giving even a tiny shit which I assume is also annoying to someone who is trying to wind you up.

But I think you have to ask yourself is the person being rude because they're trying to be rude because they want to be rude to you, or are they being rude as a by-product of something that's going on in their life, but it's not actually aimed at you.

Play with them as above if it's the former but try to let it wash over you if it's the latter

Ultimately, I would say don't worry about it. He's not your friend, he's nothing to you (personally I mean) so just get what you need from him, be civil (in that icy, distant way) and walk away.

Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:41

No Cushtie nothing direct. It was all very passive aggressive, the total of lots of small things - ignoring me completely, refusing eye contact, flinging a few of my items onto the belt with a smirk etc (he stopped that, probably realised he was sailing a bit close to the wind if anything broke). He could see I was annoyed and then he gave this little smile. It's hard to explain without sounding mad but if you've ever come across someone super PA before you'll know exactly what I mean. Basically it would be hard to complain about one particular thing but he was getting off on it. I think this is why he stopped flinging things as I could have complained about that.

RCC I think there is a bit of the man over fifty thing. He is definitely not a man who wants to be in that job!

OP posts:
Original poster
ConflictDodger · 08/08/2013 14:43

Hecsy I think he's just a nob :o In the end I didn't complain for the very reasons you're saying - I figured he had bigger problems in his life to get off on being rude to perfectly nice strangers. But it really got under my skin which is out of character.

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marriedinwhiteisback · 08/08/2013 14:44

It dependson the level of obnoxiousness. The liitle jobsworth at putney bridge tube who questioned whether my ds was 10 over a ticket purchase and who said to me that hekd believe it if I produced identity and who said I might be lying when I asked if he thought I was a liar was reported. The generally surly madam in the supermarket usually gets charm and perhaps a comment along the linef "perhaps if you were nicer to people, they would be nicer to you and your job would seem better". What really annoys me though - and it's always in the little shops who whinge that tesco metro etc are pputting them out of business are the staff who serve you whilst carrying on a conversation on their mobile phone. Yes you Mr Patel's sons and daughters - you are the reasoons why I don't use your lovely dad's shop anymore - it's not tescos that shuts every little shop, it's your rudeness!

CouncilOfLadies · 08/08/2013 14:52

Next time I would say: "You poor thing. What's it like having to do a woman's job?" But then I'm petty like that.

Shamoy · 08/08/2013 14:58

Say 'bad day?' With a patronising smile...

cushtie335 · 08/08/2013 15:04

Ah, the old passive aggressive shite, I do so hate it. I tend to call people on it. I worked with a spectacularly PA bitch about 10 years ago and everyone was terrified of her mood swings and general arseyness to the point where no one asked her to actually DO anything and she sat there all day, keeping us back from our work, a lot of which was actually hers cos she was too lazy to do it. I've never been able to stand it since then and tend to pull people up about it sharpish.

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