To ask how you deal with Pointlessly Rude People?

[ConflictDodger]

E.g. the checkout guy in our local supermarket who was deliberately, provocatively rude to me the other day for no reason. Can't be bothered to describe everything he did but it was pointed and deliberate and there was no reason for it. He doesn't know me. He even made a show of being over-the-top friendly to the woman behind me who seemed a bit confused at all the attention

I normally shrug off stuff like that but he was so obvious about it I couldn't help feeling angry. I still smiled at the bugger out of habit! I didn't know whether to complain about him, laugh in his face, ignore him, wish him a nice day? I could see how much he was enjoying being rude and I thought afterwards if that gives him kicks he probably has much bigger problems BUT at the same time I didn't deserve to be treated rudely. I'm nice! And I'm still a bit annoyed.

Tellingly his was the only empty queue and he's been a bit off before so I think he's a nob in general but had decided to turn the full beam of his nobbishness on me that day.

So wise MNers, how do YOU deal with people like this, bearing in mind it's my closest shop and I'm in a lot and I will have to see him again? Should I have a pithy comeback at the ready?

I dont understand rudeness, why do it, it costs nothing to be polite, people will remember you if you've been nice and polite, sometimes when you've had a shit day, a bit of politeness and nicety can go a long away to cheering you up.

When older people are rude to me, I put on a cratchety voice and tell them its about time their generation learned some manners :).

I sometimes ask a very rude person if they are married.

If they say no, I ask them if they've ever wondered why they are not married and if they say yes I ask them to give my sympathies to their other half :)

It's strange isn't it. I was trying on clothes in Debenhams yesterday and the sales assistant in the changing room was just really glaring at me and dd in a quite nasty way. Didn't really know the reason - maybe she just didn't like being on changing room duty and having to put the clothes back. But it was very odd. I did say something to dd to the effect of she was a bit grumpy wasn't she. I've worked in lots of shops and I'd never dream of treating somebody like that. After all you're paid to be nice to customers so that they buy things, surely.

So Cushtie and other MNers - how do you manage the passive aggressive rude type? Because in some ways it's so much easier to deal with the out and proud rude arsehole rather than sneaky, devious 'being rude but ready to play the victim'.

I can just imagine that guy's face if I confronted him. He'd be all, 'Whaaat? What did I dooooo? Your imagining things love!' etc etc.

Ezio I totally agree. Manners are free. How hard is it to just smile politely. In the jobs I've done I've had to do a lot of that at times!

I smile sweetly but with a look of pity thrown in and ask "did you mean to be so rude?". It's something I read on here years ago and works a treat. In the few years I've been saying it I've only ever had one person (a particularly rude barrister) say yes. Everyone else has apologised.

Was it in a Sainsbury's on the south coast as I think I've been through his till? Very odd man - smirking, then sighed when I wanted to use a coupon.
Wish I had complained to customer services but I hate supermarkets & just wanted to get out asap.

Our local Sainsbury's has a man on the self serve checkouts who was really patronising to me, (in a fake jovial way) and I am sure it was because I am a woman. I was therefore a little tight lipped with him, and he was rude. Partly my fault for not rising above it i know, but actually I am not an idiot and don't appreciate being treated like one. I really hate that attitude. I did then complain about his attitude to women to the manager, who rolled his eyes and said he knew, so I think it was a good thing I said something.

No Tesco ooop north! Funnily enough I have always had faultless customer service from Sainsburys. It's a longer drive or else I would go there all the time.

Hi again Conflict. I find that passive aggressives really struggle if you actually ASK them "what's the problem?", they will inevitably reply with "nothing, I don't have a problem" which normally gets them off the hook because few people will follow it up. However, I now tend to say something like "hmmm, see, I think you do, because you wouldn't be huffling and puffing and slapping files down on the desk/muttering under your breath/slamming your stapler on the floor etc., if you were feeling hunky dory....care to share?" The normal response then for a PA is to (a) storm out of the room or (b) burst into tears. They will inevitably make it look like you've bullied them but you have to ride through this especially if you're working with them every day as they can and will make your life a misery.

Amused smile, with the hint of a laugh as though they are amusing me. Sometimes though I just can't be arsed. It depends on my mood.

Now I love winding them back.....ignore himwhen he tells you how much it is, get your phone out and phone your mate. Say....im dealing with this imbecile who is taking forever to put my shopping through the till....he's incredibly rude, but I think he's not all there....Why else would he be working on a till at his age....

When he fumes about your conversation.... Say....we're you listening to my private conversation? How incredibly rude of you!

Report him. Up to his bosses to sort it out.

I thought reporting him was too big a deal but I guess if he was that rude again I would probably have to do it. I'm sure they know exactly what he's like - it would be hard to miss it!

Peachy I would never do that in a million years. I'm too bloody nice! (But that would be really rude tbh by any standards!)

Cushtie you have identified everything that is wrong with the PA twunts of this world. When challenged they are always the victim. And when you're around this guy you just know that's what he's like. God help his wife if he's married. He'd be a gold medal gaslighter!

Speak very slowly and clearly thereby indicating that I think they're a bit thick.

Peachy that reminds me of a story I heard as a child. It's vague, but involved someone having to send a telegram. In the end it read: "Previous message received and noted STOP Postmistress both ugly and rude STOP"

I was going to suggest saying clearly: 'do not speak to me like that again', but now you've described what he did, you should go straight to the manager because you're right, he'll say: 'What? Me? You're imagining it.'

I'm pretty sure the manager will know about his behaviour.

It's his fault. If he'd had the guts to be out and out rude you could have pulled him up on it and it might have gone no further. By being a coward he's virtually ensured you're going to complain to his manager.

Unless you're really nice, that is. I don't see why you should be.

Some shops have a 'How did we do?' email address on their receipts. So I email and tell them. I also email if there is a particularly helpful or friendly checkout operator too. I make a point of looking at the name badge so I can name and shame.
I tried to report a very helpful checkout operator at Tesco, hoping he'd get Brownie points and was given a card to fill in and post. It seems you can't just send a message to the manager, so it may be the same for an unhelpful one.