Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To get my own car?

53 replies

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 10:34

H really wants to get a new car together, as in hire purchase whereby both our names would be on it. I have my own (old, battered) car at the moment and would part-exchange it in.

Aibu in wanting to have my own car in my name? I feel like I'm losing my independence and if anything were to happen I would be left without a car with a ds. I've always had my own car.

I don't know how to tell him though.

OP posts:

whois · 08/08/2013 10:40

Not U. If you can afford to have your own then have your own.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 10:42

Yes I can. And I do want a newer car that's safer for ds and has a bigger boot. I just don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I think because things are rocky with us right now I'm feeling this way

OP posts:

CookieLady · 08/08/2013 10:42

Yadnbu. I wouldn't like it at all.

CookieLady · 08/08/2013 10:43

Then all the more reason to have it in your name.

Fairylea · 08/08/2013 10:44

Yanbu.

I'd never want to share cars unless I absolutely had to.

I like the freedom of having my own.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 10:45

So do your partners have their own cars too?

OP posts:

dreamingofsun · 08/08/2013 10:45

a car of your own is essential in most places. i don't think you need feel guilty about having your own. surely its going to cause conflict if you have to share one.....all the logistics around whose trip is more important?

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 10:49

He doesn't really use it much at the moment. Maybe once or twice a week to see friends etc but I use it everyday with ds.

He said he wants one with his name on as he feels he has to ask me to use it

OP posts:

CookieLady · 08/08/2013 10:53

My dh has his own car. Saves a lot of hassle if I need the car the same time he does.

CookieLady · 08/08/2013 10:53

Tell him to buy his own run around.

Dumpylump · 08/08/2013 10:59

Well, yes he does have to ask, because its your car. If he doesn't want to have to ask, he can get his own car.
Having said that, even if you had one car that belonged to both of you, then you're still going to have to ask - or maybe consult - the other to check they don't need it before you take it out, aren't you?
I have my own car, and dp has company car. He has talked about changing his car for work 4x4 which he wouldn't be able to use other then for work, and the 2 of us getting a shared car, but I am very reluctant. My car is the only one I have ever had from brand new, it is completely paid for, and I have the dreaded personal plate on it with my initials (I know, I know, but I like it, ok?) which my parents gave me for my 40th.

Although our relationship is solid, I wouldn't want to give up having my own car at all, so I totally understand how you feel.

WooWooSister · 08/08/2013 11:00

YANBU. I made that mistake and am now about to get my own car again.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:06

He's never been made to ask, I basically treat it as if it ours anyway. I feel the same dumpy in that its fully paid for and in my name, it makes me feel secure. Especially as I have a young baby now.

OP posts:

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:07

I always thought most married people share cars.

Thing is my credit is excellent and his isn't so it would be in my name but he wants to contribute to deposit and monthly payments on a new car - meaning if we ever split it would be part his I'm guessing?

OP posts:

BinarySolo · 08/08/2013 11:09

My dh and I share a car. It's in his name and he uses it every day and I just use it occasionally. It's not a big deal for us as all assets we have are shared. I'd like my own car so that I can take my Ds (soon to be dc) to various groups outside our village but the issue is money. If dh was the owner of both cars on paper it wouldn't bother me.

I can understand your feelings if the relationship is rocky tho. When I got a puppy with my ex I was sure to put only my name on the paperwork as at the back of my mind I didn't want any disputes should we split.

Could you afford to buy a new car and give your old one to your dh so you each have a car in your name?

LisaMed · 08/08/2013 11:17

Can you have two names on the car? Non driver here, so not sure.

If the relationship fails do you trust him to leave you the car? I remember reading a thread here by you where I felt that things weren't going well for you but can't remember the details. Was there any money issues? If so, do not buy joint car.

Imo - stall. Wait and see how things go. Wishing you luck.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 08/08/2013 11:22

Most places won't put a hire purchase in two names. You'd need one of you to take it in their name, and to sort out repayments between yourselves. Whoever takes the credit out will have the v5 in their name, so will own the car.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:25

Thanks lisa and Solo right now I am just stalling but I do want a new car before if gets cold.

Caja so if he was making repayments and we split, would I have to pay him back?

OP posts:

ComposHat · 08/08/2013 11:27

Hmmmm

No you can't Lisa there's one registered keeper with the DVLA (not the same thing as the owner) in the event of a separation, would the car be treated as any other joint asset?

But regardless, if things are rocky I wouldn't be committing to any large financial obligations. Stick with the car you've got.

I think you worried about the safety of your current car OP what model is it and how old?

LisaMed · 08/08/2013 11:28

I knew I remembered - sorry but I looked up a previous thread where he had asked you to marry him but you are not sure.

Having a shared car like this is like him having a claim or stake in something you need, just as marriage would give him a stake in other things. You just don't seem comfortable with the whole relationship.

It's easier said than done, but I really wouldn't buy anything jointly with this man bigger than a week's groceries. Something is tickling your 'not quite right' button and until you feel okay with him then perhaps stay separate.

Hope it works out for you, hope I am seeing things that aren't there.

frogspoon · 08/08/2013 11:35

OP I think you need to listen to your gut instincts.

You have said things are rocky between you, so now is not the time to be making a big purchase together.

If he cannot afford to buy a car himself, is he in a position where he could e.g. buy the old banger off you, and have it in his name as his car.

You could use the money to put towards purchasing yourself a new car (with HP) in your name.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:36

Pretty much spot on there Lisa
We're having counselling so will see how it goes.

OP posts:

livinginwonderland · 08/08/2013 11:37

YANBU. My car is in my name and it would never go in someone else's name. I paid for it, I pay the insurance and the MOT. It's mine. DP contributes to petrol occasionally but even if he got his license, the car wouldn't be going in his name. No way.

Original poster

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:37

frog he can afford it, he earns a good wage. He definitely wouldn't want my car, he hates it.

Don't want to say what car or year it is as it would probably out me :)

OP posts:

oscarwilde · 08/08/2013 11:37

The HP or Finance agreement will have to be in your name or his, not both. Even if you were married.
A friend did this with her live in partner [traded in her car, bought a v nice second hand car with him under a finance agreement on the basis that he would contribute]. The relationship broke down out of the blue, he just announced he wasn't happy and moved out of her house 3 months into the 3 yr deal and now she is stuck with a car she can't afford to repay back.

If your current car is roadworthy and your gut is saying no, then don't do it. If your DP's credit history is poor then it's presumably for good reason. Perhaps suggest that you would be happy to do it provided that he has saved X% towards a downpayment. Safe in the knowledge that by the time he does that, you'll be more comfy one way or the other.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread