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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get my own car?

53 replies

DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 10:34

H really wants to get a new car together, as in hire purchase whereby both our names would be on it. I have my own (old, battered) car at the moment and would part-exchange it in.

Aibu in wanting to have my own car in my name? I feel like I'm losing my independence and if anything were to happen I would be left without a car with a ds. I've always had my own car.

I don't know how to tell him though.

OP posts:
oscarwilde · 08/08/2013 11:38

Has he heard of Zipcar ? Grin

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 11:38

Gah. I wish I had said it straight away when he raised the idea

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 08/08/2013 11:42

DH and I share a car. WE're in the same situation as you, in that DH scarely uses it (although it is in his name as it makes the insurance cheaper). Both of us consider it just to be the family car though.

It doesn't sound like you need 2 cars. It does sound like you both have issues around "sharing" things.

oldnewmummy · 08/08/2013 11:46

My car is in my husband's name (insurance history) and his car is in my name (I bought him it as a present). We share finances totally, except that most of our savings are in my name for tax reasons and if we buy an investment property it'll be in his name for the same reason.

The issue seems to not be about whose name the car is in, but about the fact you don't feel secure in the relationship. I think you need to do some serious thinking.

peggyundercrackers · 08/08/2013 12:00

we both have cars however neither of them are new - mine is 12 yrs old, other halfs is 4 yrs old.

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 12:04

I've been brought up to always be independent and not rely on a man or have them control things so I guess this is affecting me

OP posts:
flowery · 08/08/2013 12:06

Yes most married people share cars, especially where you only need or can afford one.

So under normal circumstances I would say YABU not to want to share.

But as you don't feel sure the relationship will last, I would suggest no big purchases and make do with your current car for the time being.

frogspoon · 08/08/2013 12:11

frog he can afford it, he earns a good wage. He definitely wouldn't want my car, he hates it.

If he wants a car, and can afford a car, then why doesn't he just buy one?

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 12:16

I don't mind sharing a car as I do now, I just want to make sure if anything happens I'm not left without a car, especially as I would be giving up my car to get a new one.

The new one would be in my name due to credit score but h wants to contribute to deposit and payments. I guess if we split we would hand keys back to garage and I would have to start over

OP posts:
Whoknowswhocares · 08/08/2013 12:18

Ok maybe I'm being a bit cynical here but he sounds like a chancer to me.
You are leaving yourself ridiculously wide open to him clearing off with the car and being saddled with the debt if you go ahead with this. Could this be his plan?
You say your relationship is rocky and are talking like you think there is a real possibility you will split.
You would be financially suicidal to consider this IMO.

BinarySolo · 08/08/2013 12:18

I'm not sure what he's proposing is actually feasible. As others have said only one name goes on the finance agreement and logbook. Maybe you can broach it from that pov. If you split and he'd made some payment then his use of the car would be taken into account, so whether or not you'd need to repay some of the money would depend on how much he'd paid and used the car.

Longdistance · 08/08/2013 12:20

Me and dh have our own cars. We always have done.

He has company cars though, and has never really technically owned one. Whereas, I've always owned my cars, and bought brand new, as my df used to work for a car manufacturer, and retired I got discount and haggled them when it was quiet, so always got good deals. My dh knows bog all about cars, he's happy if they have cup holders.

Tell him to get is own car if he wants one, and stick to your guns about getting your own. I assume part of the deposit will be the part exchange. Afaik, only one person can own the car, so make sure it's in your name. My dh nearly did this with my car that I bought in 2011, they wanted to register it in his name. I put my foot down.

BinarySolo · 08/08/2013 12:21

Yy whoknows.

Is he using the car issue as a form of control or to force some form of commitment?

NoComet · 08/08/2013 12:24

I've had my own car since I was 18, I know exactly how you feel.

No way would I not have a car in my own name.

Even though I'm a SAHM and you could argue, DH payed for the last two. They are still mine. The one thing in my name, the one thing he has to ask to borrow.

It was my owning a car and giving DH a lift 25 years ago that lead to us getting together. For the first 12 years of our relationship we only had one car that was in my name, because it was me with full no claims and it was me and my parents who'd variously bought them.

Only later did DH get a job with a long commute he couldn't do by train or motorbike all winter.

NoComet · 08/08/2013 12:28

DH and DD1 do a hobby with loads if junk. Because mine car is the larger one, they borrow it some weekends.

It's silly, but I always miss it slightly, even though DHs is newer and has comfier seats.

Original poster
DfanjoUnchained · 08/08/2013 12:29

I'm not sure if its a control thing. I think he just wants a newer, safer and bigger car now we have ds and a massive buggy - I want all that too but just in my name. I could afford payments and deposit on my own though, but would be good getting help with it. Just don't know where I stand if we were to split if he did contribute.

OP posts:
TheFuzz · 08/08/2013 12:35

As main user, I'd have it in your name - mainly insurance and no-claims discount.

Let him transfer money into your account to help out. We both have our 'own' cars, but both use what ever is on the drive first, although day to day like commuting we use our own.

shellbot · 08/08/2013 12:37

YANBU When I was married to get money for a household purchase out of my husband's company we sold my car to it but I still used it as my own. It didn't bother me at the time as I believed because we were married I owned half of it anyway. When I started divorce proceedings I ended up having to borrow the money to buy it back off his company.

ITCouldBeWorse · 08/08/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 08/08/2013 12:49

My car is mine and in my name only. DP gave his car to his parents as he was out of the country a lot and now we don't need a car where we live. I could do without it but don't want to sell it.

I pay 100% of insurance, tax, parking permit and MOT. DP will pay for petrol if we do a joint journey.

He rarely wants to or needs to use the car without me. A handful of times is all he's taken it without me there. If he was using it several times a week I would be wanting a contribution to the car costs.

OP I defo wouldn't share a car in your situation. Much better to have your car that he uses with permission when you don't need it.

celticclan · 08/08/2013 14:27

I'm getting a car. Dh will have the financial agreement in his name and the car will be registered in my name. If that isn't possible I will register the car in his name too.

I'm not planning on splitting up and if we do then its just one of those things. When we got together 20 odd years ago dh had equity from the sale of his house to use as a deposit and I didn't contribute anything towards the deposit as I didn't have anything to contribute.

It's swings and roundabouts. Personally I wouldn't give it a second thought but if you think splitting is on the cards then I guess you have to think about the implications.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 08/08/2013 14:33

Alarm bells ringing for me! Why doesn't he just buy his own? And if his credit score is bad, well, he'll just have to wait until it improves, won't he?

I've leased cars for years. Now married and they've become communal property so to speak, but before marriage they were always in my name if they were mine.

Why would you want to be dependent on someone who has proven himself to be bad with money in the past to pay for a car you're not actually that in need of? It makes no sense!

LouiseAderyn · 08/08/2013 14:43

In our household everything is shared and in a happy relationship I think both people should be able to use each other's property and not feel beholden or as if they have to ask.

That said, it sounds like you both need access to a car and I would bet quite a lot that once you get a car that he feels is his as much as yours, he will use it a lot more than he currently does and you could fnd yourself stuck at home while he is elsewhere.

I'm also feeling uneasy that it is your current car that gets traded in, for something that he will benefit from far more than you. I don't know why this is sitting so uneasily with me - in my own relationship i wouldn't give it a second thought, but in yours it just doesn't seem to 'sit right'.
I think that might be because there is a very real possibility that you and he might not last and so it seem ill advised to join assets together that you would both need in the event of a split.

If it is in your name, then regardless of who is paying for it, he cannot just take it, but I like the idea suggested up thread that he transfers some money to your bank account in order to pay his share, rather than paying it directly to a finance company.

Ideally though, I wouldn't commit to any payment that I couldn't meet on my own, should the worst happen.

34DD · 08/08/2013 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoknowswhocares · 08/08/2013 15:27

As far as I know, it doesn't matter whose name the car is in. By law, if it was bought during the marriage it is a 'marital asset' and belongs to both of you......that applies to both the car and any debt. Both would be taken into account in the event of a split but you'd have to get it settled in court to get him to a. Let you have the car or b. pay the debt in the event that you split
Like I said.....financial suicide in an unstable relationship