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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I? Or is he?

38 replies

FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:49

Dh said he was getting a coral tank to put in our bedroom. I said tht was fine as long as the noise of the pump wouldn't keep me up at night (we had one in our living room and the pump was so noisy!!) he said 'oh it won't, it's a smaller tank, different pump' etc. So he got one. And surprise surprise, it's really noisy and keeps me awake at night. He says he can fix it so it doesnt make any noise. Everyday I say to him 'can you please sort out the tank so it doesn't keep me awake' yeah sure he says but always forgets.

So last night it's 2am and I'm awake because the stupid pump is keeping me awake. He wakes up and says 'why aren't you asleep?' So (really really tired by this point) I snapped at him that I would be asleep if he had just fixed the stupid tank like I'd asked him to. So he gets in a massive strop, gets up and starts muttering 'fine ill turn the fucking thing off so my corals die' ad he starts slamming around turning it off.

When he's in a mood he's like a child, and he's winding me up so much so I go and sleep on the floor in the kids room (we live with mil so there's nowhere else to go really).

Did I over react or did he? I'm just so tired from being kept up, I just want him to get rid of that stupid tank. It's ok for him, he can sleep through anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:49

I should add that he left for work this morning still in a mood with me.

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 08/08/2013 09:52

He is BU, can't it go in another room?

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:53

No, it's mil's house and there's no room :/

OP posts:
PeterParkerSays · 08/08/2013 09:55

Why does he feel it's appropriate to have that in the bedroom? surely you both have to agree what goes in there?

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 08/08/2013 09:56

Your sleep vs his coral? Err, your sleep trumps the fucking coral to the power of a thousand.

He is being unreasonable. Let him strop but until he has fixed it, if indeed he can, the pump stays off at night.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:56

You'd think but he just does it anyway. Or he sulks.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/08/2013 09:57

He is. I couldn't sleep with a tank/pump in the room either. It has to go.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:59

It's just really annoying because he goes through phases of being really into something then he gets bored and forgets about it, about 3 months ago it was corals, he's now forgotten about them but they're still there annoying me.

OP posts:
NandH · 08/08/2013 10:00

He is BU ... Can't believe you had to ask! Can't believe you said he could have a sodding tank in the bedroom!!

Justshabbynochic · 08/08/2013 10:03

But you were forcing him to KILL his CORAL, OP. His CORAL.

HIBU. I'd pour bleach in if it were me.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 08/08/2013 10:03

I am very shortsighted. (If glasses didn't exist I would be registered as legally blind.) About 5 years into our marriage dh and I ended up working in different cities so we were living apart during the week. During that time I bought a "blind persons clock" (ie you bang the top and it says "it's 5 22 am!" at you). It was great. No more fumbling for glasses to find out the time in the middle of the night. Loved it!

When me and dh started living together again I ditched the clock. Obviously.

Long way of saying YANBU. I needed to clock more than your dh needs the coral. But dh needs sleep more than I need the clock.

HarderToKidnap · 08/08/2013 10:07

Corals belong in the sea. They don't need to be in your bedroom.

runningonwillpower · 08/08/2013 10:07

There are only two good reasons for disturbing a good night's sleep and a coral tank isn't one of them.

WeAreEternal · 08/08/2013 10:07

He is definitely BU.

I would have sold/got rid of the bloody thing long before now!

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 10:08

He won't get rid of it, he just keeps saying he'll fix it. It he'll say 'fine I'll just throw it out then' but in a way that makes it seem that I've just suggested he go out and kill his childhood cat.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 10:09

*or he'll say

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 08/08/2013 10:13

Say to him 'It goes or I go. If I go, I'll take the children and every penny you have. Is coral really worth a divorce?'

A mild over reaction, perhaps, but I usually sleep in a separate bedroom to my husband due to his snoring. If I didn't have that option, I'd probably kill him in his sleep.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 10:14

He just text me to say sorry. I'm still telling him to get rid of the tank. I'm not a person who can survive on two hours sleep a night.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 08/08/2013 10:27

Give him a deadline and explain that, as he's already agreed it wouldn't be in the bedroom if it kept you awake, if he hasn't fixed it by then, HE has made the choice to get rid.

He can't have it both ways, keeping it but not fixing it. It is his choice, not one you're making for him. Has he explained why keeping he corals isn't important enough to him to get round to fixing it?

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 10:30

It's the old 'ok I'll do it tomorrow'. I guess it's my fault because I don't remind him to? I don't know, usually it's when I'm in bed I say 'you still haven't fixed the tank' and its usually too late to do it.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 08/08/2013 10:30

P.s. maybe membership of WWF or another conservation charity that works to conserve corals where they belong, would be a good birthday present for him?

lottiegarbanzo · 08/08/2013 10:35

Your fault? Are you his manager? Is he incapable of organising and prioritising his own time?

Bollocks to that. I bet he found plenty of time to install the tank - because that mattered to him. Your well being is not a priority of his, sadly.

Give a deadline, yes. It's HIS CHOICE and whether he meets it or not. The consequences are HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

OhDearNigel · 08/08/2013 10:37

keep waking him up throughout the night until he capitulates.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 10:59

He says he'll get rid of it, whether he actually does....

OP posts:
NandH · 08/08/2013 11:14

Put the tank in a different room??