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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I? Or is he?

38 replies

FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 09:49

Dh said he was getting a coral tank to put in our bedroom. I said tht was fine as long as the noise of the pump wouldn't keep me up at night (we had one in our living room and the pump was so noisy!!) he said 'oh it won't, it's a smaller tank, different pump' etc. So he got one. And surprise surprise, it's really noisy and keeps me awake at night. He says he can fix it so it doesnt make any noise. Everyday I say to him 'can you please sort out the tank so it doesn't keep me awake' yeah sure he says but always forgets.

So last night it's 2am and I'm awake because the stupid pump is keeping me awake. He wakes up and says 'why aren't you asleep?' So (really really tired by this point) I snapped at him that I would be asleep if he had just fixed the stupid tank like I'd asked him to. So he gets in a massive strop, gets up and starts muttering 'fine ill turn the fucking thing off so my corals die' ad he starts slamming around turning it off.

When he's in a mood he's like a child, and he's winding me up so much so I go and sleep on the floor in the kids room (we live with mil so there's nowhere else to go really).

Did I over react or did he? I'm just so tired from being kept up, I just want him to get rid of that stupid tank. It's ok for him, he can sleep through anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 11:34

It's not our house so there's no room.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 08/08/2013 11:53

Sympathise with the endless hobby starting then forgetting...

I'm now the proud caretaker of a vegetable patch that got dug then left for a fortnight with a spade sticking out.

YANBU! If he can't fix it then let him chuck it out instead don't feel guilty if he makes a drama of it!

Whoknowswhocares · 08/08/2013 11:54

Well if he's promised to get rid, then there is no need to turn it back on, is there? Seeing as you have already killed his precious coral Wink
He's probably hoping to sit quiet till you calm down and do nothing. Call his bluff

peggyundercrackers · 08/08/2013 12:08

tell him no sex til its fixed. he wont forget then!

AgathaF · 08/08/2013 12:15

Can't he take it to an aquatic shop? In the meantime (and I know it's not really the point) can you wear earplugs?

SolidGoldBrass · 08/08/2013 12:42

Would earplugs work at all? While you get around to ending the relationship, I mean: it's pointless trying to 'work at' a relationship with a selfish, immature man who thinks that only his wishes matter.
I'm suggesting earplugs Justin case you feel squeamish about killing a living creature (ie the coral): some people do. I don't know that I'd be over-bothered myself it's not something that has a consciousness or feels pain.

quesadilla · 08/08/2013 12:59

YANBU. Its no more acceptable for him to insist on having a coral tank in the bedroom (what is a coral tank, even?) than it would be to insist on having the TV or the stereo on while you're trying to sleep.

If he knew the last one kept you awake the onus was on him to make sure you were comfortable with this.

I think some people have a hard time understanding how distracting this kind of thing can be though. My DH thinks I'm being really neurotic about not wanting the TV on when I'm trying to sleep as he could sleep next to the speakers at a heavy metal concert if he had to. But I find certain types of noise incredibly distracting -- particularly TV.

Tell him he either sorts out the pump or gets rid.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 08/08/2013 13:04

Oh love, YADNBU. If he can't look after corals in a way that his considerate to your need for actual proper sleep, he shouldn't have got the tank in the first place. It needs to GO. Or you will.

What has your MIL said about it?

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 08/08/2013 13:08

Why are you living with your MIL? Does she mind paying for the electric for this noisy pump? If you're staying with her and it isn't your house, did he ask her permission to have this in HER room that you just happening to be staying in?

Seriously, he sounds like a total arse.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 08/08/2013 13:16

She's very laid back about pets and stuff and we pay out share of bills. We're living with her because we're saving for a house.
He said he's going to get rid of the tank when he gets home, he'll take the corals to where he got them from I think (pet shop). He also said when he gets home I can go to bed and catch up on some sleep if I want. I think he finally realises how pissed off I was.

OP posts:
JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 08/08/2013 13:22

So, you're living with her while you save for a house but in the meantime he thinks it's OK to waste money (because until it is your home where you can do what the hell you want) on a tank, corals and pump?

He needs a reality check. Hopefully, by the sounds of your last posting, you gave that to him.

AgathaF · 08/08/2013 13:41

Manchild

farewellfigure · 08/08/2013 14:59

I'm glad... that sounds much better OP. Have a good sleep!

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