to give DH a task to do as soon as he walks through the door?

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

Fairly light hearted, but this is a situation that has pissed me off.

We've had a lot of issues previously with DH not pulling his weight. He agrees that it's a shared responsibilty, but he was terrible at bothering to get anything done. He did get a lot better, and things have been good for some time. I'm now 8M pregnant with DD2, still working and doing at least half of the DIY/prep for baby's arrival. I work part time, 3 days, DH works out 4 days, 1 day from home. My 2 days home I have DD, DH's day at home, he's alone. (to avoid drip feeding! )

DH is rubbish at cleaning/tidying as he goes. Often leaves rubbish lying about, never thinks to put things away. So we'd settled on an even share with him doing one short job each day which I didn't have to think about, like emptying the bins, or changing the bed. We ended up having an arguement the other week as he'd slipped back into not doing anything again. He managed about 3 days before he slipped back into not bothering. It drives me fucking potty! I don't have the time, or inclination, to do it all for him, and he often has more free time than I do.

Last night he got in, I was cooking dinner, and I told him to keep his shoes on and go tidy up all the garden toys! He wasn't impressed.

So, AIBU to give him a task to do everyday as soon as he gets through the door?

Did the OP post that she was going to show her dh the thread? I don't actually like the idea of us communicating with her husband, on her thread, without her express agreement. Seems a bit overbearing.

Threads are public. if you don't want anyone you know to comment you keep it private and log out each time

Does he have any friends or family he would like to be tidy for?

Could you invite them over then go on cleaning strike for a week beforehand?

I don't think you are, I do it too (and, no, he doesn't like it) .......

sameold, I didn't show him, he found it himself, but I have no issue with that, or with people posting back to him. As 2rebecca quite rightly points out, threads are public.

Just before I say anything else, we have both had a very good chat, taking on board some of the advice from here (pointedly ignores the LTB comment! ) and have a plan involving phone reminders. Thank you everyone who posted with helpful advice.

This thread has also brought to light a big discrepancy in what we each see as pulling our weight. For instance the driving, no Caster I didn't mention the 2 nursery drop offs. :) The reason being that those were the compromise we came to when DH changed jobs to one he really wanted to do, which meant he had to leave earlier. Nursery drop offs used to be one of his "jobs" so now DD and I both get up earlier, and leave earlier, DD starts nursery earlier, and DH runs us over to outside the nursery on his way to work. Although this saves us having a 20 minute walk in the mornings, it also wouldn't be necessary if DH hadn't changed jobs. I don't resent doing this, but I don't see it as DH taking on an extra task, or helping to pull his weight. DH does to some extent though. I don't get DH to drive me about the rest of the time, I bus and walk.

There's a good few areas where we have very different expectations about what counts. And DH has realised that no, it's not just him that piles his dirty laundry on his side of the room!

I agree with those he say he does care, I honestly believe he does, lots. But we've both realised that he doesn't see the impact of leaving stuff for the housework fairy. I also need to communicate better when I'm starting to feel resentful, and not bottle it up, and if need be, spell it out. I'm also going to just nab him to help out with stuff on the fly, so we can blitz through any essentials bits that have built up, rather than expecting him to see things and know. Here's hoping we can start feeling a bit more like a team again.

Thank you again. Who knew that a semi public arguement could be so cathartic and helpful!

Good to hear MrsMango - might have to get DP signed up to MN!