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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we owe it to our DC to let our armpits go feral?

292 replies

ClockWatchingLady · 07/08/2013 10:15

When our kids are little, shouldn't they see that women have body hair (and accept it rather than remove it)?
Once they're in their teens, they'll probably see endless full-body-waxed women online, whether we like it or not.
So while they're little and forming their basic impressions of the female body, shouldn't we stop all this bloody depilation? Whether we feel comfortable with it or not, don't we owe it to the younger generation?

Yours faithfully,
Mr Tumnus

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 07/08/2013 15:41

ICBINEG I suppose I meant that it is in moderation in our house IMO but I cannot do anything about what's on TV and we aren't actually talking about appearances in general just hair removal which is generally part of our culture and has been for some time.

I know full well what other influences can do being a recovered bulimic. I am glad I don't have DDs as I would never want them to go through what I have gone through. I guess I think that is far more damaging than feeling you need to shave or wax to fit in which is maybe why I am blase about it and I just don't believe it is particularly damaging.

KirjavaTheCat · 07/08/2013 15:42

I don't find my deodorant works particularly well when my armpits go unshaven.

I don't religiously (as in every few days) shave any other parts of my body apart from my armpits for that reason.

OH (male) also shaves his armpits for the same reason. Goodness knows what we're teaching our son Shock

theodorakisses · 07/08/2013 15:44

Just fat, no meat. Seasoned well and ok, not on a par with my all time favourites but nice enough

Viviennemary · 07/08/2013 15:45

I can't stand having underarm hair. Horrible horrible horrible. And the very sight of it makes me ill. Grin

LurcioLovesFrankie · 07/08/2013 15:52

Fancy a date at the local swimming pool, Vivienne Mary? I'll bring the sick bag... Wink. Or should that be Envy?

Viviennemary · 07/08/2013 15:59

I knew I'd get the thumbs down. Still. Sadly DH isn't of the generation that believes in waxing for men. The very thought says he! But I'm very tolerant. Grin

justanuthermanicmumsday · 07/08/2013 16:04

I think it's social etqiuette in western countries to be completely hair free, and whatever the west does spreads across the world.also i feel beauty industries are constantly feeding us this myth that smooth hair free = beautiful. to me as an Asian woma , its akin to the bull that white skin = beauty and dark skin = ugly.

I remember when I was in labour with my first child all I was thinking was omg I better go do my legs quickly can't let midwives see me like this they will think I'm a disgusting woman. But when I later told my midwife she said they see women with hairy legs armpits etc all the time it's natural they don't bat an eyelid. This advice hasn't meant much to me with the other 3 labours I did the same, waxing when I was having contractions I felt this pressure to do it.

There's some hair removal that I have to do due to religious reasons its a requirement for hygiene; removal of pubic hair, that includes armpits. But legs arms anywhere else is optional. I prefer waxing so I do have weeks when I have hair since it needs to grow a certain length to be effective, my husband doesn't care and I don't either . But if I was in the habit I wearing skirts then this wouldn't be a choice I'd have to shave everyday. I find it time consuming and expensive waxing legs once a month I don't wana think about shaving everyday I wouldn't do it.

I won't be encouraging my daughter to remove hair other than what's necessary, it's just another lucrative industry.

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/08/2013 16:11

Ctually what every child needs is to be loved, encouraged, to receive kindness, care, be wanted, feel free to make decisions. Why sweat the small stuff and the wholly irrelevant in the context of what children need and how others live. Is your greatest concern in the world really to worry about the impact of other people's armpits OP?

Jux · 07/08/2013 16:12

I stopped shaving my pits when dd was a baby (she'll be 14 next week). I was having a massive ms attack and physically couldn't do it. As dh was barely speaking to me at the time, he wasn't going to do it for me, so they just didn't get done. Ot was years before I trusted myself to hold a razor so even when I could do it, I simply couldn't see the point.

diddl · 07/08/2013 16:14

I tend to be a summer only shaver, & then I let it grow a bit so that there's something to shave!

But it's up to me, & it'll be up to them.

Caster8 · 07/08/2013 16:45

With threads like this I sometimes feel like I am missing the point.
So I have put some more thought into it!

a. If the op and others choose not to shave, there is absolutely no guarantee that their dc wont. In fact, I would have thought that the dc would be more likely to run in the other direction themselves when older, so it may have all been a waste of time.
Unless really, the op and others wanted not to shave.

or

b. If the op and others shaves, again, no reason that the dc will necessarily, but I suppose there is more likelihood of that. But personally, I had a lot of influence over how my children turned out. But it does sound like that some on here dont have much influence, and I sort of wonder why.
And I suppose, if that is the case, there will a whole lot more stuff to be worried about than body hair.

Hope that doesnt sound harsh. And to be fair, it is up to each and every parent how they choose to parent. And I think as parents, we all have priorities in different orders to each other.

earthmother33 · 07/08/2013 16:45

Unshaven muffs anyone?!

LurcioLovesFrankie · 07/08/2013 16:58

Caster8 - for me it's all about the massive backlash against women at the moment (attacks on abortion and contraception rights world wide, a CPS prosecutor saying a 13 year old child was a "sexual predator", not the 41 year old man who abused her, the pornification of popular culture, the gender pay gap, women still getting the sack for getting pregnant, women like Mary Beard being subject to internet hate campaigns for not being pretty enough).

OK, this is a tiny, tiny piece in the jigsaw puzzle, but when my 5 year old boy looks at my armpits and says "only men are meant to be hairy there" I want to at least sew a seed of doubt in his mind, and get across the idea that the world is more complicated than the images he's bombarded with by popular culture about what's an appropriate look for women to have. Because I don't want him to grow up into the kind of teenager who thinks it's cool to abuse women on twitter about their appearance, or undermine his girlfriend (if he turns out to be straight - chances are about 9 in 10 that he will) by being rude about her appearance.

ICBINEG · 07/08/2013 17:01

MrsM sorry to hear that, I agree that the size zero thing is a bigger issue than hair, but they are both facets of the same over all problem...a fixation by society on the appearance of women and more recently men too.

Sad
turbochildren · 07/08/2013 17:04

I don't shave. Anywhere. Just can't be bothered, and my hair is quite fair anyway.
In another similar thread though, my opinion came through as if I thought anyone doing shaving, or having botox were Barbie-dolls. So for the record, I don't think that. I just don't see the point myself, and I really loved the photo of Julia Roberts with armpit hair at the Oscars (or wherever it was).

ICBINEG · 07/08/2013 17:04

lucrio I 100% agree with you!

That is exactly what I hope to achieve with my DD. Just a slight slight hint that maybe appearances aren't everything and that the images in the media are only telling 1% of the story or real people.

turbochildren · 07/08/2013 17:05

And I agree with Lucrio.

Caster8 · 07/08/2013 17:07

Fair enough Lurcio. I suppose I do the same thing in my own way - though not by not shaving though!
I purposely wear second hand clothes sometimes. And have some second hand furniture. Not just to save money, but so that my kids could see that posh cars, clothes etc are not really something to aspire to.
I would offer a warning though. I know a family that did that sort of thing to an extreme, and guess what, surprise surprise, their kids now want all the latest gadgets and trainers known to man.

Caster8 · 07/08/2013 17:11

Had a rethink. I have slightly missed the point haven't I? Smile
You are talking exclusively about body image. My clothes are in the same ballpark, but not furniture! Blush

quesadilla · 07/08/2013 17:16

I will continue to shave my pits. Hairy armpits get smelly very quickly and don't look very nice IMHO.
I support your general sentiment but as someone said up-thread I think you are being a little naive if you think your doing something to make a point will normalise it if the majority doesn't. But go for it if that's what you want to do.

SoleSource · 07/08/2013 17:28

YABU wrt armpits but I haven't shaved my legs for weeks and just call me gorilla!

johnworf · 07/08/2013 18:26

It's down to personal choice. What disgusts one person, their neighbour will shrug their shoulder.

I can't be bothered shaving anywhere and never have done. Just been on holiday to centre parcs, went swimming every day and didn't give my hairy legs/armpits/ladygarden a second thought. Who cares?

My DH is hairy all over (which I like).

LurcioLovesFrankie · 07/08/2013 18:28

No I'm not naive enough to think it will normalise hairy armpits - of course it won't. But it might help DS to grow up thinking about social norms and whether they reflect some immutable social order that can't be challenged, or whether they're actually just arbitray social constructs (and no, I have no intention of trying to explain that to him age 5 - Dworkin as his bedtime reading is quite enough to take on Wink).

Also, I know children frequently rebel against the things their parents take to be big deals (I have a good friend who jokes that as a teenager she embraced evangelical Christianity because it was the only way of rebelling against her impeccably left liberal atheist parents). So I'm trying to play it as "sometimes mummy shaves, sometimes she doesn't, depends on what I feel like." I certainly don't think shaving is wrong, or betraying the sisterhood, but I do think there's scope for thinking about why we do it, what the social pressures are, and whether women are judged unfairly if they don't.

johnworf · 07/08/2013 18:29

As for the OP point about giving their children a view that being hursuit is normal, that won't work I'm afraid. It'll be down to peer pressure and what they find is 'normal', usually through the media's image of women.

My DD#1 who is 27 even shaves her arms she hates body hair that much. Obviously the sight of me when she was younger made her go the other way Grin

LurcioLovesFrankie · 07/08/2013 18:30

Oh, and should say I agree Caster8, there's more than one way of making the same point!