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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we owe it to our DC to let our armpits go feral?

292 replies

ClockWatchingLady · 07/08/2013 10:15

When our kids are little, shouldn't they see that women have body hair (and accept it rather than remove it)?
Once they're in their teens, they'll probably see endless full-body-waxed women online, whether we like it or not.
So while they're little and forming their basic impressions of the female body, shouldn't we stop all this bloody depilation? Whether we feel comfortable with it or not, don't we owe it to the younger generation?

Yours faithfully,
Mr Tumnus

OP posts:
pussycatwillum · 08/08/2013 11:55

Should those of us of a certain age let the whiskers grow on our chins too? After all I didn't realise women got hairy chins post-menopause until it happened to me. I think not.

ICBINEG · 08/08/2013 11:56

cote the interesting thing about what you said there is that none of it is supported by evidence...and usually you are on the side on the evidence...what happened?

Caster8 · 08/08/2013 13:42

Soem celebrities do all sorts to make the headlines. Do the celebrities quoted regularly go around with unshaved armpits, or just on special media occasions?

Original poster
ClockWatchingLady · 08/08/2013 15:41

Just caught up on some of this.

Alfalfamum - I agree with you. I also feel nervous about going hairy, and have had horrid comments when I have. I'd love to feel able to do it, but often don't.

Guerrillacrochet - I think this is a really, really interesting point. I think it probably is a bit "chicken and egg". Whatever the initial motivation for pube removal in the porn industry, it is, according to the available evidence, now having a big impact on male preferences (at least within certain demographics). Apparently, younger men are increasingly expecting and demanding hairlessness. This is probably then further increasing the trend for hairless porn, because that's what the consumers want, and so on. There's also a lot of female-female pressure, I think, which might be a bit more complicated to explain (any ideas, anyone?). When I've had my legs hairy, the rude comments have been from women. My DP

LeBFG - I find this so heartening: "The more I 'expose' my hairy bits actually the more comfortable I am with it and the more I think it bizarre that women shave". Perhaps persistence is the key. It really is interesting how these preferences are so strongly about what we're habituated to. I suppose that was one of my initial points/questions in this thread, really, as I think as parents we play a role in the habituation.

MrsMelons, that ex-bf doesn't sound great Sad. I also had a bf a long time ago (who would now be in his 40s, and incidentally was a big online porn enthusiast) request/demand that I keep my pubes under control, and then that I have a Brazilian. He also was out the door pretty quick.

LadyBeagleEyes - I don't think anyone has any desire to shoot you Smile

OP posts:
thebody · 08/08/2013 15:48

waxing is a bloody gaff but personally I can't stand to see myself with body hair so its all off. pits, pubes, legs etc.

I wish I didn't mind but I do.

mignonette · 08/08/2013 15:52

Many of those in the photos don't appear to 'court' the media only as part of their contractual obligations to studios to promote any film they are in. And that is a quid pro quo situation. I know Juliette Lewis often has unshaved bits but I will conduct a meta analysis of their photographs over the coming months to ascertain whether it is in fact a publicity stunt Wink

Caster8 · 08/08/2013 15:58

Thanks mignonette! I try to stay away from celeb stuff on the whole, so I will leave that little job up to you!

mignonette · 08/08/2013 16:03

My pleasure Caster Wink

LittleSporksBigSpork · 08/08/2013 16:08

OneLittle...I don't shave, freely go about in sleeveless dress/tops (and swimsuits at the pool) and only wear skirts. I went out a few days ago into a sleeveless short dress. My hair is very dark, though patchy on my legs. Haven't really noticed any reaction. I actually so sleeveless more now than when I shaved years ago, because certain family members would ruthlessly tease me if I had the slightest sign of hair - I wouldn't go sleeveless around them then or now (but I don't socialize with them anymore) or show them pictures of it showing. Other than them, it's been fine.

countingmyblessings · 08/08/2013 16:35

I shave once a week. Couldn't give a flying monkey what anybody else does with their body hair. I used to shave my yoni but it got very itchy & uncomfortable down there so now I just trim.

turbochildren · 08/08/2013 16:42

I don't shave, as stated somewhere upthread, and I do wear sleeveless tops, spaghetti straps, and short shorts/dresses. I have yet to receive a "yuk" remark, but then again I'm seldom without a child so maybe people think I don't count :)
It's not massive and bushy, but it is dark and defo visible. I just don't care, and equally if people want to shave their entire body that's fine too. I find it itchy and uncomfy, and to be honest it does look odd to me if grown women are hairless. But, that said, each to their own.

CoteDAzur · 08/08/2013 17:06

ICIBINEG - What evidence do you feel I need to produce? I would like to make you happy Smile

OneLittleToddleTerror · 08/08/2013 17:35

One anecdotal evidence from me is that I smell well shaven or not. I didn't shave until I got to 6th form because I went to a very geeky all girl school. At 6th form, I went to a co-ed and the pressure got to me. I needed deodorant and have sweat patches before I started shaving.

Obviously ICIBINEG personal experience might be different. But your own personal experience doesn't make it a universal truth.

By the way, I use IPL at home now, and it's a huge step up from shaving. I only need to do it once every 6 weeks or so.

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2013 17:50

My mother has never removed her armpit hair. She totally accepts it.

I obviously didn't accept armpit hair, as I removed it in 1984 and have never looked back.

I have no desire to see what my pits would look like with hair.

MrsKoala · 08/08/2013 19:00

Anecdotally i've never needed underarm deodorant, regardless of hairy or bald. I don't sweat much and not at all under there (i can do 2 hours of aerobics/step and have sweat on my back, stomach and thighs but not a patch on my armpits. But I know others who need to wash 4 times a day and apply lots of deodorant. What i find annoying is when i say this people will always say that i do smell and that no one is telling me out of politeness (certainly not in my family or friends!). But the fact is people are different and some just sweat less.

Coffeenowplease · 08/08/2013 19:20

I get what you are saying, about how do not look natural..but at thew same time I hate body hair. Dont like it much on men either.

I can honestly say I have never had full pubic hair or any armpit hair. As soon as it bean growing I removed it. It seems a little odd to think I have never seen my own body in its natural state but Im quite happy this way.

VitoCorleone · 08/08/2013 20:35

My mum doesnt shave her armpits or legs, its never made a difference to me, i shave everything off.

ICBINEG · 08/08/2013 20:56

cote well you have accused me of being smelly and disgusting, so I imagine the evidence would somehow indicate that this was actually true. I know you from so many threads where I have respected your opinions and thoughts and I am really surprised by your attitude here.

It isn't true, btw....my DH is very good about answering truthfully on this issue as after years as a stinky teenager during puberty I am actually very very sensitive about the issue of smell.

I don't like the look of my armpit hair that much but I hate the extra sweatiness that shaving causes me and the constant panic that I will start smelling.

It has made me shaky and upset most of the day to have been insulted by you in this way, and while I accept that this is mostly my problem, if you would like to make me happy then I would ask that you a) apologise for insulting me for no reason whatsoever that I can think of and b) consider the effect your future insults could have on people who already have body insecurities.

Teenage girls could well end up reading this thread, so denouncing everyone who doesn't shave as smelly is really pretty socially irresponsible.

If you do decide to apologise it will have to be by PM as I am hiding this thread now.

CoteDAzur · 08/08/2013 21:19

I'm sorry you are offended. I have not in the least implied that you are "disgusting", only that you must smell just as much as the rest of us. Slightly more, in all likelihood, since you have more hair to disperse the smell than most.

This is not at all a judgement on you at all. I don't think you are disgusting. To each their own.

The only thing I have said is that (1) it is not humanly possible for the apocrine glands in your armpits to have stopped functioning because you didn't shave for several weeks, (2) therefore your body continues to produce your unique body odour, and (3) if you can't smell it anymore, that is probably because you are used to it (like smokers don't know that their clothes smell)

I honestly find it hard to believe that you would spend the day shaky and upset because I said those three things. They are not insulting, and to the best of my knowledge, are true for every normal human on Earth, myself included.

SuckAtRelationships · 08/08/2013 21:30

I sweat like fuck if I don't shave. It's coming off. My mum told me before I grew any that it would happen and I could shave if I wanted. She did her job. Thanks mum :o

VileWoman · 08/08/2013 22:33

What I don't get about the 'you smell more if you don't shave' is why is it mainly women that shave their armpits and mostly men don't. After all, men are a lot hairier generally. DH is hirsute (he's not entirely British), has never shaved any body hair, doesn't use deodorants and yet as long as he washes regularly he doesn't smell. Amazing isn't it!

AlfalfaMum · 08/08/2013 22:36

LeBFG, oddly I used to be a lot braver on this issue, I guess it's true that we become more conservative and conformist as we get older. I never thought I'd be one of those!

CoteDAzur I'd have been upset too if your words were directed at me. I am also quite sure that my DH's unshaven armpits (which I sleep in close proximity to) are not smellier than my own clean-shaven ones, he's also a smoker and I can't stand the smell of fags off him, so I don't think it's a case of my becoming accustomed. We both shower every day and use deodorant and are equally unwhiffy (apart from his bloody cigarettes..).

Caster8 · 08/08/2013 22:37

So a poster that is trying not to get others to shave, actually has her own personal body issues.
That is not on really. That is not really fair to people that may actually be influenced to change their own behaviour.

HoikyPoiky · 08/08/2013 22:55

Smelliness is not to do with hairiness BUT if you are a smellier person then I am sure, if you have very hairy armpits that it must be easier to minimise your BO if you shave or trim you hair.

I have two DS's 19 and 21, one literally never has BO. He can really sweaty playing football all morning in the hot sun and still not smell. My other son has a BO problem. Sad He showers, uses industrial strength deodorant but can start smelling at the drop of a hat. Luckily he is aware of it and takes action when he needs to.

CoteDAzur · 08/08/2013 23:23

Alfalfa - The difference is your DH uses deodorant. Of course he doesn't smell.

ICBINEG says that she hasn't needed to use deodorant after about three weeks of letting her armpit hair grow because it stopped smelling. Unless her glands magically stopped functioning, that is not very likely.

I really wish people would read and properly understand a post before they get all offended.

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