Am I being touchy?

[Sparklysilversequins]

Just met someone. I have two dc he has none. He is VERY focussed on his career, I am SAHM/OU student, two dc with autism, one with quite significant needs. We speak and text most days, met up three times so far.

During the course of getting to know him he has said "so you don't work at all then?". Then in a text today, I told him about my day (he asked) and I ended it with,"it's been a busy one, tired now." He immediately replied "what do you mean you're tired? You haven't even been to work!"

Irritated me and now I don't want to reply. Touchy or not?

I think it's hard for people who work to understand. I go out to work and find it difficult to understand what SAHM do - don't be touchy - ask him to spend some time with your DC and then he'll want to go back to work for a break I'm sure

Don't reply. If he asks why you didn't, tell him straight. Lay down the rules of your relationship. Be very clear.

If it's his idea of cheeky banter then he needs telling he's not funny.

YANBU or touchy!

It's VERY early days, no way I introducing to dc yet. They'd scare him off forever!

I don't think you are being touchy, although he may just be teasing in an attempt to flirt? It does sound like you have quite different focuses though...

In a GOOD way .

Oh, come on, he's a bloke - most wouldn't understand. Agree with Schmee though that if he's very career focused, you may have very different priorities

Oh and I also mentioned I had MOT'd my car and he said "what is it a people carrier ha ha?!

It sounds like you are inhabiting 2 different planets...I think you need to take it slowly and don't invest too much of yourself into it.

PS...I don't think you're too touchy,I just don't think he has a clue of what life is like when you spend it looking after others!Not his fault,just the way it is.

Hmmmm

He sounds a bit of a twat

If he looks down his nose at Sahm maybe he's not for you

It's hard to know whether this is him being a twat or him understandably lacking imagination because your lifestyle/responsibilities are so far beyond the reach of anything that he's experienced that he just has no idea. If the latter, he can be educated.

I think give it time - I can see how irritating his comment is, but you need to be sure he's a twat before you dismiss him as one, IYSWIM.

I think maybe he was being a bit cheeky and joking.Obviously he doesnt understand your life yet but give him a chance i bet he didnt want to upset you.Hope it blossoms for you x

I think women who work know that being at home can be harder work than a job, certainly I often joke that I go to work for a rest and can only be sick on a Friday when everyone else is out of the house!

I think men, even quite hands-on ones, don't really get it. If DH has to do the school run, I have normally got DC up/dressed/fed and left bags by door.

Any chance he's Australian?

Either way - I'd take things slower than a tortoise. I'd reply something along the lines of 'Ha ha - so you've never looked after two kids in the school holidays then! You wouldn't be being so fecking cheeky if you had!! :)'

As a SAHM, obviously I am outraged on your behalf , but playing devil's advocate, most people have no idea of the stresses and strains of other peoples jobs. It's just like somebody who does a job which involves being on their feet all day may be unable to understand why somebody working in an office could feel tired and stressed by their day's work. It's probably just lack of imagination rather than intending to be insulting.

Having said that, I wouldn't be replying any time soon.

Difficult to know without knowing him better.

Might just be flippant banter sent intended for you to say something witty back.

Or he may be a dickhead.

That he's making you think so early on suggests that either way, he may not be the bloke for you.

No not Australian. I am beginning to detect a slightly younger and better looking David Brent-a-likey! However THIS is NOT something I would say to him even though its a fair comparison given his job title, type of work and location!

I had to google David Brent (LOL) - but god alive... RUNnnnnnnnnnn

Your not a sahm. Your a carer for two autistic dc. Your also a student!!

He has NO idea what its like for you, how could he?

I have a sister who had2dd she has always worked full time. She constantly has digs at me about being sahm.

I have a ds with ASD & ADHD.

I also have 2 dc still at home. I work part time, term time from home. So not many hours at moment.

I have another sister who had 2dc. She's a sahm. She constantly asks me how i keep going& how i do all that i do. Her maternity leave finishes soon!

So your boyfriend might be a total twunts but to be honest i think he just hasn't a clue...thats the bit you have to work out!
Good luck.

My status of not "working" has drawn comments from every man I have seen since splitting with ex (all three of them! Felt I should point that out in case it came across as hordes of them).

Comments about not achieving and even actually laughing when I said I felt I was achieving quite A LOT actually.

Maybe I should just give up on this dating lark. My situation always ends up being an issue.

Sounds like you have dated a few toolbags. Hope this guy doesn't turn out to be another one. It was a stupid thing to say but perhaps meant as a joke not even convincing myself with that

Um, sorry, missing the Australian link?

Op, it just sounds likes you are at different stages in your life. Tak eit slowly.

Oh god he works with paper in Slough.. Run!

I would be very wary of starting a relationship with a career focussed, childless bachelor if I had 2 children with SN - one significantly so, TBH.

I honestly can't see it being a match made in heaven - even if he was kind hearted and lovely. (And in all honesty he doesn't sound it).

yanbu ,sounds like his attempts at humour just piss you off , they would me , hold fire with meeting the kids until you think you can put up with him long term :)