Am I being touchy?

[Sparklysilversequins]

Just met someone. I have two dc he has none. He is VERY focussed on his career, I am SAHM/OU student, two dc with autism, one with quite significant needs. We speak and text most days, met up three times so far.

During the course of getting to know him he has said "so you don't work at all then?". Then in a text today, I told him about my day (he asked) and I ended it with,"it's been a busy one, tired now." He immediately replied "what do you mean you're tired? You haven't even been to work!"

Irritated me and now I don't want to reply. Touchy or not?

You are worlds apart. I'd ditch him now to be honest.

Yes there's no way he's meeting the dc. Quite honestly I can't be bothered to text back so I think that will be that.

Thing is I have spoken to other people about my situation who say "wow! How do you do it?" So obviously some people do get it. It seems to me that if you don't, it's possible you're a bit of a tool.

This kind of crap drives me mad - you certainly work you just might not get paid for it. For what it's worth I think you're right not to waste your time texting him back.

Well I was a SAHM and my DH is very career focussed (has to be, he's self-employed, it's the difference between money or non) and though he is father to our children, and though he doesn't understand the challenges for being a SAHP (for more than a couple of days) he's never belittled me or even mocked me unless mimicking a certain family member.

I still reckon there's a slight chance he may be being ironic, or saying it as a joke... but as you don't find it funny, you do have to tell him! Think of some witty comebacks.

If he's not right, you'll soon find out, and meh, it will free you up for someone who is.

You can be kind and have empathy even if you're on a different planet or place in your life, so if he's genuinely lacking these genes, move along and shout NEXT.

Good luck either way. Start as you mean to go on.

I'm a bloke.

A bloke who knows what it is like to be a lone parent with autistic children.

Have been through the dating mill- (and now have the fab Mrs Goth mark 2 as a result)

Have deliberately not read the thread. Just the OP.

Do you like him? If so. Give him a chance. He probably doesn't have the first idea what you have to deal with. So tell him. Show him- probably more effective.

However. Once he has seen- if he still doesn't 'get' it. Then you know what to do...

Ok.

Have now read the thread.

He's toast.

But don't give up- everyone isn't like this. It may take time. You will probably need to be very resilient. It will hurt a bit.

But there are, there really are, good people out there.

Didn't reply last night and he hasn't texted again so maybe realises. It's a relief actually, it's flipping hard work trying to make time for a social life too!

Don't think you are being touchy: it's one of my personal bugbears when people who don't know how much work kids can be assume looking after them all day is a picnic (and I work nearly full time out of the home.)

But to be fair I don't think anyone without kids has much concept of this, it's hard to comprehend. That goes for childless women as well as men. So doesn't mean he is a mysoginist. But I would call him on it.