Sorry, charge woke up from her nap.
I have been worried about his health/well being for a while and have told him so numerous times as he brings it up himself so often (I'm talking over the space of a year or so, though I've been worried since we moved down here 2 years ago). After another evening of him complaining about how unfit he was and the bad food habits we've gotten into (he's lost his passion for cooking too, we share the cooking) we were in bed about to sleep and it popped into my mind and I said it, I have no idea why as I know how I meant it but I know how it came out. I apologised then and there but still feel like a shallow cow.
I don't want a fat boyfriend, in the health sense. As I said, he's already a bit chunky which I do love, but only when he is healthy, and he is not healthy atm. Both of our Mum's are over their ideal weight and suffer for it, he has had no energy for a long time and has recently started snoring. He complains about his weight (and up until last night I've never said anything bad about it) and goes on about wanting to run again, to which I always say "Just do it." and then he "hasn't got time" and puts it off until after X, but when X happens something else will come up.
He does love running and kept saying he wanted to get back into it, and he has been bugging me about taking him climbing for a long while but until recently you couldn't take beginners to the local centre so he's been putting off the two evening course they run since last April so they aren't things he's decided to do spur of the moment.
twinkly as much as I'd love to run, I can't, I have a mass of health issues. I'd like nothing more than to go running or cycling or something else cheap and cheerful with him and if I could then we both would have started doing it a hell of a lot sooner but I can't. He wants me to teach him to kayak but I had to stop that and I'll have to stop climbing soon I think. It would be a lot easier if we could exercise together, I know that.
I do still fancy the pants off of him (well, very slightly less so since he got rid of the beard yesterday 
) and that's not an issue, as I said, I like him chunky and weight wise I'd probably be slightly less attracted to him if he were slim. We've never been about appearances, we were friends for 6 years before we got together and that's what we love about one another. Looks aren't really a massive factor in it, which is why I feel triply shit for saying it.
I don't want him to go on a diet, neither of us are comfortable with diets, I want him to get fit again, be healthy and be happy again because he is one of those people where there is a significant correlation between being fit/healthy and being happy. I want him to want to eat healthily again and cook with me again. I want him to have the energy to spend quality time with me again, which has been lacking on both sides recently but at least before he'd pull me into doing something whereas he's now doing the same as me.
I have fucked up miserably haven't I? I have no clue why I said it before thinking of the phrasing and if I apologise again or explain it. It'll look like I'm backtracking.