To ask if this is normal in a 6 year old

[Thepowerof3]

My 6 year old still has tantrums, screaming and crying (not usually in public) she is my eldest so am I BU to ask if other six year olds do this as I would've thought she would've grown out of it by now but obviously she hasn't and I'm driven to distraction

what do you do when she tantrums - can you ignore it?

Mine only does that when over hungry.

I try to ignore it but sometimes it so extreme I put her on her bed to calm down safely and partly because it makes me feel so wound up and angry and I don't want to hurt her

Not something my dd does and she's almost 6. What causes the tantrums?

I still have them now and I'm 32

Mine was like this and like shattereddreams DC it was when she was hungry. I resolved it by letting her eat more snack food when she gets in from school. Her behaviour has massively improved and life is a lot calmer in our house now.

Providing there is nothing medically wrong with her then she may just be highly strung and cannot cope with frustration, like many children.

Its more relevant to look at what you do/how you handle it and what sort of issues leads to these tantrums. You certainly need to be consistent and to make sure she understands it is not acceptable behaviour.

My dd is nearly 7. She still does this occasionally when frustrated or upset. If I engage with her, it tends make her scream and shout even more. The best way I deal with it is to say 'When you are ready to talk calmly, Im here for you.'
Until she calms down, she does not get any attention.
Hope you can find a way to deal with this.

If it's making you feel wound up and angry you have to find a way to deal with your reponse. Try visualising her as a poor little thing, caught up in her emotions - what she is really. Look at her with pity and think of the next thing and move on. Your response of stress and anger is fuelling her tantrum. She will learn to calm down if she knows you are in control of your own feelings.

This is completely normal, it's only in hindsight that I have seen how you can get caught up in your child's tantrums, but it is actually quite easy to step back.

Yes, DD2 did from 6-9 she was far more likely to get in a rage than when she was little.

DF said her TDDs threw better tantrums at 7 than 2.

Since DD2 was impossible to reason with when in a rage, we just used to say 'room until you want to be nice'.

'Nice' being short hand for co-operative, not whiny and not trying to wind your elder sister, mother and or Father up. The world does not revolve around you and you cannot always have your own way, sorry.

When she was small, she would reappear in 10-15 minutes, generally being reasonable or I'd go and find her.

When she was older she'd play on her lap top and DD1 and me have been known to forget her, the peace was do nice

I think at 6-7 it's still little child frustrations, by 9 it's wanting a bit of control over their lives, and not being able to have it.

Once DD2 got to being old enough to leave in her own or walk to the shop herself she got way better.

With six year-olds really all you can do is ignore as much as possible and lots of hugs when they are being nice. You cannot reason with them when they are in a rage, you sometimes can when they have calmed down.

However, you have to accept that doesn't stop them having the same strop about the same unpalatable fact of life tomorrow.

My DD was like this very occasionally. Usually when very tired and usually when frustration had boiled over past a point where she could control it herself. Quite often, if I asked her if she needed help to calm down, she'd nod and a five-minute cuddle was all it took. There is definitely a lot to be said for spotting the signs and heading it off before it reaches that point (for our benefit as much as theirs ).

It's not unusual in a child of this age. You're doing well if she limits them to home. A lot of parenting means accepting undesirable behaviour as normal in your head at the very same time you are outwardly showing that you won't condone it.

Why DD2 got in a strop and DD1 didn't (and at 15 still doesn't) is difficult to say.

Looking from the outside you would think my socially inept, Billy no mates often bullied, dyslexic, scatty, fussy, dippy elder DD1 ought to be the one who found life frustrating.

In fact she is the one who finds adults and consequently parents far easier than her peers, is happy in her own company, doesn't panic in a real emergency and has a deep self confidence.

DD2 is an angel at school, cares deeply what people think of her, had lots of friends. I think at home it was nice to let her guard down and have a jolly good whine.

Also she is very cooperative. She has to do well in lessons and well in sport, she is a dreadful loser at any board game. Clearly she can't strop at school, but by god she can be vile at home.

But most of all she doesn't have DD2s cold self confidence and needs to feel more in control of her world than DD1 does.

Cooperative = competitive

DS2 is 5 and he still does this, he gets very tired and is unbearable, also when he is tired. It is only ever when he is with me and DH or my mum and dad.

I have to ignore him otherwise it could be anything up to 45 minutes. I did think there was someone odd about it as DS1 had tantrums for about 3 weeks when he was just 2 but nothing really since then but after speaking to friends it is fairly common in infant school age children.

It seems to be more tired than hungry with her, most of the time I deal with her ok but it has been practically every morning and my patience is worn to shreds! Just wanted to know if it was normal as that makes me feel a whole lot better

Does she do it at school?

No never

Yes. Usually shouting and throwing things . I say stop it.Help him breathe and count to ten. If that doesn't work I put him in the shower just to have water running down his back . Then rub talcumn powder on him. He finds being stroked calming but it has to be done in a not cuddly way .

I always praise him when he calms down in less than about 20minutes .

Ds is 5 and still have mini tantrums.

They usually only last a few seconds/minutes at most.

He can still do it when told no, it's usually stomping feet, shouting 'it's not fair'.I tend to just ignore it or warn him to stop and he does.

Starballbunny your two are very similar to mine except I have boys !

Spanky
What I always find slight difficult is the outside world can't see why I find DD2 award work and quirky DD1 far easier.

My 5 nearly six year old DS2 is like this. I posted on parenting about it last week in fact because it is driving me and DH mad. DS2's trigger is tiredness and he can scream and yell and scream again. He gets very caught up in it and wears himself (and us) out. Cuddles help, but he'll reject the offer at first then say he'd like one.

For those that put them in rooms/on beds - do they ever refuse, if so, what do you do? That's what we've been getting today and short of physically picking him up, I'm not sure what we can do?

I had (occasional) tantrums until I was 9 or 10

I turned out fine and am quite a calm person now.

If she refuses to go I pick her up, underneath her arms so I don't hurt her