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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if this is normal in a 6 year old

60 replies

Thepowerof3 · 06/08/2013 09:56

My 6 year old still has tantrums, screaming and crying (not usually in public) she is my eldest so am I BU to ask if other six year olds do this as I would've thought she would've grown out of it by now but obviously she hasn't and I'm driven to distraction

OP posts:

pointythings · 06/08/2013 21:00

DD1 did this at that age, we taught her to put herself in 'time out' to calm down. She was allowed to read and play quietly away from us, we made it very clear this was about defusing a situation and not about punishment. It worked very well, and I don't think it's at all abnormal, six is still very little.

LingDiLong · 06/08/2013 21:21

Yes, DS who's 6 has them. My 8 year old DD doesn't and had grown out of them at 3 or 4. He's just much less able to deal with his emotions, he isn't very 'emotionally articulate' really. He gets angry, he screams. We are trying hard to encourage him to talk to us and find other ways to deal with his anger. Recently he's got a lot better at calming himself down quickly and is always very contrite afterwards.

Davsmum · 07/08/2013 14:05

I do think childrens tantrums differ depending on who they are with and how that person is reacting.
Thats why I believe we all need to look at our own responses to tantrums.
My niece has massive tantrums for her Mum and yet gives up almost immediately for her Dad and does not bother with them at all for her Grandad or Grandma because they just wouldn't tolerate them and ignored her completely whereas her mum would tell her off - or try to placate her and kept trying different things because sh felt she should DO something to stop it.

Original poster

Thepowerof3 · 07/08/2013 16:42

I put her in her room so I'm able to ignore it otherwise I find the screaming nerve jangling, maybe I'll send myself to my room!

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LingDiLong · 07/08/2013 20:35

Davsmum - DS's don't! He has them with everyone. When he loses the plot, he loses the plot.

Original poster

Thepowerof3 · 07/08/2013 20:38

My DD does it for everyone outside of school

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WhoreOfTheWorlds · 07/08/2013 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoComet · 07/08/2013 20:53

I'm very old school, very disobedient DDs get a smack, by 6 DD2 knew room meant room.

Anyway she's very far from daft and even when in full rage she knew me and DD1 were likely to ignore her, so she might as well go and calm down.

It's not very fair having a big sister who doesn't strop, she's even less sympathetic than mum.

DfanjoUnchained · 07/08/2013 20:54

What time does she go to bed?

LingDiLong · 07/08/2013 20:55

3 yo DD has tantrums where she's clearly looking for a reaction. DS's are different.

Just because one child might be doing it for attention it doesn't mean they all do.

And just because you were able to shock a friend's child into being quiet, it doesn't mean it would be as easy for their parents!

Holidays are often a nightmare for kids who are 'highly strung' - they're tired and out of routine. Tantrum city.

Ghostsgowoooh · 07/08/2013 20:55

My 11 year old dd1 used to have proper screaming jump and down tantrums between the ages of 5 and 9. Ignored and sent to room till calm but it was stressful. Shes brill now but is still stroppy but that's hormones. It will pass!

CorrineFoxworth · 07/08/2013 20:56

Might be worth looking at tantrums v meltdowns

LingDiLong · 07/08/2013 20:57

Ooh, thanks for that Corrine. I'd say my DS has 'meltdowns' then definitely. It's nothing to do with attention or wanting something, they come from nowhere and seem to completely overwhelm him.

WhoreOfTheWorlds · 07/08/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldenbear · 07/08/2013 21:41

My DS is 6 and still has 'tantrums' in private but he is copying his sister who is 2. Often it starts off as a 'joke' and will escalate into something more real but I have to say they were worse after school 6 months ago. They are definitely lessening as I just talk to him now.

Original poster

Thepowerof3 · 07/08/2013 21:47

She goes to bed by 7 but we are more flexible in the holidays, thanks ghostsgowooh that makes me feel a bit better

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CorrineFoxworth · 07/08/2013 21:47

I'm glad that link was useful as I would hate to be accused of internet-diagnosis!

Original poster

Thepowerof3 · 07/08/2013 21:53

That's so true LingDiLong, my DD wants to stay up like her friends but just can't seem to cope

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PatriciaHolm · 07/08/2013 21:57

DS still has tantrums (not meltdowns, that link is really good thanks Corrine as it has passed through my mind before) at 7.5. His are, these days, largely when he's hungry; he CANNOT deal with hunger at all well, but then neither can his 43 year old father, so I know how to deal most of the time. He doesn't do it for anyone but his parents either.

I also have almost 9 yr old DD who is having pre-teen strops all the time. It's just fun fun fun in this house atm -reaches for wine glass-

WhoreOfTheWorlds · 08/08/2013 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSmallPrint · 08/08/2013 11:06

Yes, I have an almost 6yo DS who is great at throwing tantrums. He also has a naturally deep and loud voice so there is no ignoring him. I have found distracting followed by cuddling to be the most effective way of calming.

I had always assumed tiredness was then main cause but actually I wonder if hunger makes a difference, he is a big lad (98th centile height wise) so maybe he needs more food!

Davsmum · 08/08/2013 14:34

Its not just how you handle a tantrum while its happening - its how you handle a child in general because the way you do can lead to tantrums!

If you are not consistent or you don't listen to a child when they need you to listen or you say No before you have given a request any thought and then give in and say yes because they kick off and you didn't really mean no in the first place then it can all lead to frustrations and tantrums.
So can not preparing them for what is going to happen - like just removing them from whatever activity they are doing without any notice or warning.

Its surprising how many people probably do not link any of that to a child's tantrums.
Something causes a tantrum. Children don't just suddenly have them for no reasons.

valiumredhead · 08/08/2013 16:01

Ds had only just stopped and he's 12.

WhoreOfTheWorlds · 08/08/2013 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Thepowerof3 · 08/08/2013 17:35

That's not the kind of parent I am Davsmum but thanks anyway. Her most recent massive tantrum was about a rice cake if that gives you some perspective

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