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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to reply to email re dirty playgroup? Long and a bit yucky, sorry!

36 replies

spg1983 · 05/08/2013 22:06

Took 5.5month old dd to playgroup for first time a couple of weeks ago. It's new and run by a local lady who has been promoting it around the area. Thought I'd give it a go along with friend and her 7month old ds.

We got there and it was manic, but in a good way - lots of children having fun and making noise. I instantly thought it'd be a good way for dd to get used to lots of other children and build her social skills.

We were the first people there and went over to the baby corner. I was about to put dd into one of those inflated ring things that help babies to sit up but noticed it was really stained (white bits were grey/brown!) and had old food in it so put her into a walker instead. That was a mistake - the fabric was badly stained, there was lots of old crusty black dirt all over it (not just in the hard-to-clean bits) and also a baby had been sick on it and it had not been cleaned up so the sick had dried onto it. Looking around, every toy was really dirty and looked like it had never been cleaned.

My friend and I both put our children onto our laps and found books to read to them. I was quite disappointed as it was my local group and I really want dd to socialise and get used to busy environments. We go to 2 other groups normally and have never noticed anything like this. I'm not a clean freak and I know that dd will be exposed to dirt when crawling etc but this just seemed overly disgusting - I think the dried-on vomit did it for me.

The worst thing is that the lady who runs it was really proud of the fact that it is the only local group running through the summer (which is why we tried it) and she took our emails and phone numbers when we first went, so that she could contact us if the group was ever cancelled at late notice. She has since been really pestering us and asking why we hadn't been back - we've said we were too busy over the last couple of weeks and hoped she'd forget about us but she is now calling or emailing every day, now saying if we are not coming back, could she at least have feedback?! WIBU to be honest with her, and if so, how on earth can I word it nicely? Her playgroup idea is great and I wish her every success but I just cannot bear letting dd loose on her equipment, especially as she is teething and putting everything in her mouth.

Help!!

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:08

Hmm difficult one but I think you do owe her honesty as she's asked fo feedback.
I suppose just say what you have here, group seemes lovely but you were surprised to see that most toys were filthy and not fit for purpose.

jammiedonut · 05/08/2013 22:09

Let her know, I'm sure she'll thank you for it

CajaDeLaMemoria · 05/08/2013 22:11

Be honest. WHile she might be shocked, it could well save her business.

Say that you loved the idea, and the group seemed very friendly, but the equipment was dirty and you didn't feel that you could let your child play freely because of it.

Wish her all the best, and you'll be fine. Honestly. The thought of it is much scarier than actually doing it, and she'll be really grateful if it means she starts cleaning the equipment, because she'll never get people going back otherwise. I'd hazard a guess that she is aware she is not getting repeat visitors, and she really wants to know why.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/08/2013 22:13

It sounds like a lot of work for one person. Could there be a few people to sort and clean toys on a rota. Maybe ask around friends for replacements.

PissesGlitter · 05/08/2013 22:13

She needs the truth

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 05/08/2013 22:14

I would also email her the truth. I was a clean freak when DD was little and I think most PFB mums are so I would have been running for the hills at the dirt and vom!
I imagine if she is pestering and emailing for feedback then lots of people feel the same as you and your friend!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/08/2013 22:14

be honest with her.

It doesn't make sense not to be honest. She's asking for information.

If she doesn't like what she hears, that's not your problem.

But maybe she'll sort it out.

You can say it in a nice way.

Doubtfuldaphne · 05/08/2013 22:16

You must tell her! Either way it'll stop her pestering you all te time

Cyclebump · 05/08/2013 22:16

I ran a local play session until recently and I would say tell her.

I took over my group at short notice completely alone and, to be honest, I didn't even check the state of the toys. I have one DS, who is two, so the baby corner was off radar.

Someone came, like you did, with a small baby and immediately informed me that the toys were dirty. I looked and they were. I was embarrassed, but chatted to the lady and she suggested I buy a shedload of cheap baby wipes and run a 'spring clean session'. I did and put a 'grab a wipe and clean a toy' sign up.

Everyone pitched in, people took stuff to run through their dishwashers and even some of the kids joined in. We're voluntary and unpaid so maybe this approach won't work but it might be worth suggesting it.

I also took every fabric item home and washed it. It was a faff but the feedback afterwards was great and more and more babies came. I've now handed over a successful group to someone new.

Be tactful, but be honest. Her group will fail if people are put off by dirt.

Bonkerz · 05/08/2013 22:16

You need to be honest. I run 2 groups in my area and make sure that parents feel like its their group too and this involves once a month handing the parents a pack of anti bac wipes and asking them to clean toys!

LingDiLong · 05/08/2013 22:17

Feedback is a gift apparently! So give her some.

List all the positives of the group but say you were a little concerned by how dirty the baby toys were. I'm not sure how you can be any nicer than that whilst still being honest!

Would you have the time to help her out by giving everything a wipe at the end of each session? You could suggest that.

Bonkerz · 05/08/2013 22:17

At one of my groups we clean toys as we put them away...... Parents all get given a wipe. The second group is in a church and toys are cleaned on a rota!

formicadinosaur · 05/08/2013 22:18

Rave on and list all the positives, then politely mention the filth. Say you would be happy to help her have a cleaning session?

ThisIsMummyPig · 05/08/2013 22:18

I agree that you have to tell the truth, she must know something's wrong, so it will help her to know what.

Peachyjustpeachy · 05/08/2013 22:18

I would tell her...In a, I hope you won't be offended but, kind of way.

Either she understands and cleans up or she doesn't and gradually lose business

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 05/08/2013 22:18

I think you should tell her

But I also think you should know that most stuff at playground will be grimy. They are just all about like that. Not quite so bad... But pretty bad.

When you have a really little one who hasn't been weaned yet you notice the muck so much more. The first time I brought DD to a group she was 5MO and I didn't let her out of my arms. I couldn't believe how freaking STICKY everything was.

It's just par for the course with these things. Dried vomit is obviously unacceptable - but in general if you want to go to stuff like this, it means the kids will be playing with things that are much grubbier than their stuff at home.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 05/08/2013 22:19

Playground? Playgroup!

Original poster
spg1983 · 05/08/2013 22:22

Thanks everyone. I think it's probably just the baby corner as thinking about it, there were loads of toddlers there but me and my friend were the only people in the baby section. The toddlers were having a whale of a time on trampolines and slides etc so a bit of dirt on those wouldn't put them off. The lady may be wondering why the baby section is so quiet in comparison.

Now starting to compose reply to her email - may take a while!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 05/08/2013 22:23

she is calling or emailing you every day just because you didn't go back to her playgroup??? that's.. um... excessive and weird, no?

on that basis alone i would tell her exactly why you haven't been back and ask her to stop harrassing you.
even if the playgroup was lovely, if you don't want to go then you should be able to not go without someone pestering you wanting to know why!!

cantsleep · 05/08/2013 22:23

Let her know that the dirt was a problem.

The idea of having a 'clean' session where parents help to clean toys is good. It sounds as if it could be a lovely group if the toys were not so filthy.

phantomnamechanger · 05/08/2013 22:23

I used to run a church toddler group and would regularly take all the fabric baby toys home to wash, and wipe any obvious sticky marks etc off hard toys and ride-ons each time I cleared away - the tea set got a wash regularly too as they used to love putting crumbs and raisins in it

tell them the truth, it's not on to be running that rough a group - if you want to cushion the blow, lie a little and say your child has allergies or is prone to repeated infections and you did not realise how difficult it would be to keep them safe

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 05/08/2013 22:26

Agree with tiy too. I think the time has passsed to be offering to go back and help. I guess you just want her to leave you alone!

Original poster
spg1983 · 05/08/2013 22:28

And thanks holdme, in a way that's one of the reasons why I am taking dd to groups as I don't want her to live in a germ-free protective bubble all the time and think a bit of dirt doesn't harm anyone. I was just about holding it together until I saw the sick, and then realised that it wasn't at all fresh...eurgh!

OP posts:
craftynclothy · 05/08/2013 22:30

Agree with thisisyesterday that it's a bit much asking you so often why you haven't been back. I mean, it's the holidays. Surely it's not unheard of for people to go away for a week or two. You'd also expect that some mums are going to pop in when it suits them and won't be there every week.

I'd email back saying nicely about the dirty baby equipment but I'd be tempted to point out that emailing so often isn't encouraging you to go back because you don't want to feel pressured to explain yourself if you miss a week.

Original poster
spg1983 · 05/08/2013 22:33

Ahhh I think I may have played a part in the emailing issue - when I first got to the group I was saying to the lady how great it was to find a group open in the holidays especially as we're not going on holiday this year so she knew I was really enthusiastic when I first got there and also available all summer - oops!

OP posts: