To not know how to reply to email re dirty playgroup? Long and a bit yucky, sorry!

[spg1983]

Took 5.5month old dd to playgroup for first time a couple of weeks ago. It's new and run by a local lady who has been promoting it around the area. Thought I'd give it a go along with friend and her 7month old ds.

We got there and it was manic, but in a good way - lots of children having fun and making noise. I instantly thought it'd be a good way for dd to get used to lots of other children and build her social skills.

We were the first people there and went over to the baby corner. I was about to put dd into one of those inflated ring things that help babies to sit up but noticed it was really stained (white bits were grey/brown!) and had old food in it so put her into a walker instead. That was a mistake - the fabric was badly stained, there was lots of old crusty black dirt all over it (not just in the hard-to-clean bits) and also a baby had been sick on it and it had not been cleaned up so the sick had dried onto it. Looking around, every toy was really dirty and looked like it had never been cleaned.

My friend and I both put our children onto our laps and found books to read to them. I was quite disappointed as it was my local group and I really want dd to socialise and get used to busy environments. We go to 2 other groups normally and have never noticed anything like this. I'm not a clean freak and I know that dd will be exposed to dirt when crawling etc but this just seemed overly disgusting - I think the dried-on vomit did it for me.

The worst thing is that the lady who runs it was really proud of the fact that it is the only local group running through the summer (which is why we tried it) and she took our emails and phone numbers when we first went, so that she could contact us if the group was ever cancelled at late notice. She has since been really pestering us and asking why we hadn't been back - we've said we were too busy over the last couple of weeks and hoped she'd forget about us but she is now calling or emailing every day, now saying if we are not coming back, could she at least have feedback?! WIBU to be honest with her, and if so, how on earth can I word it nicely? Her playgroup idea is great and I wish her every success but I just cannot bear letting dd loose on her equipment, especially as she is teething and putting everything in her mouth.

Help!!

I know how you feel - I stopped going to a lovely group because the hall floor was filthy. My twins used to need completely changed and pretty much bathed when we came home. At the time I just didn't need the etc work.

Another group I went to has a regular toy wash night.
Mums/Dads bring a basin, jay cloth and a tea towel and set about the toys. They are rewarded with wine, nibbles and gossip. Sometimes the local guides etc would come to help out for badge credit but no wine It was always good fun.

She must have been really confused as to why she hadn't seen us again and really wants to find out why but I do agree that the amount of calls/emails is unacceptable.

Our group have a cleaning evening twice a year. We take wine and nibbles clean the toys and gossip.

but still... an e-mail or 2 would have really been more than enough wouldn't it? she just seems a bit full-on and that would really, really put me off going back by itself

Our playgroup used to hold a toy wash every so often to ensure the toys remained clean. You need basins, cleaning fluid, cloths and hot water. Plus tea and cake. Get all the toys out and scrub them down. Obviously this needs to be done when kids are at home perhaps in the evening. Why don't you suggest it?

Stains on much used fabric and plastic are fine, stains don't mean it's not clean.

Dried on vomit and all the muck is just gross though, especially in baby corner.

Be honest and constructive. Tell her you'd love to become regulars but are concerned that some stuff speared quite dirty. Suggest that she runs a coffee and clean session and has the parents help clean everything.

Be prepared for a defensive reaction, though I hope she reacts positively. Some people ask for feedback but really just want praise

I am another one who thinks you should tell her - if you don't give her a chance to put things right then you are all missing out. It might have been a one-off, she might now have realised the need to at least check everything after every session, it might have been someone else who put the equipment out without checking it. Just send a factual email saying you really liked the idea but noticed that some of the equipment is dirty. You don't have to make excuses for WHY that made you not want to return or make accusations, just let her know what you saw and leave it to her to respond however she sees fit.

I was thinking maybe you could say in your email that you would be very keen on attending the playgroup when your dc was older as the toddlers there looked like they were have a great time and the equipment was fantastic for them, however you thought that the toys and equipment for the babies were not as appropriate and not clean enough for babies who still put toys/objects on their mouths.

I am definitely not a clean freak but that is gross. Also in the baby corner toys shouldn't just be cleaned with baby wipes they need cleaning properly and regularly.

I think its a shame you didn't mention it straight away as she may just not have realised and would have cleaned them ready for the following week. The texts and calls may be due to other people not going back also so she could be paranoid.

In the pre school I ran we sterilised toys at least weekly and thr youngest child is 2, I think many parents would be put off by grubby toys.

Be honest, say that te group is really nice lots of kids enjoying themselves, but te equipment was very dirty and unhygienic which put you off

I agree it's fine to tell her. You tried to avoid having to do so by just not going back. You tried to avoid by saying you were too busy etc, she's not having any of it, so it's fine to give her the truth.

However, it would be unreasonable to expect a group run by just one person like that to have all toys kept spotless. I've been to groups which have lots of staff members and everything has been wiped down before the start - and they cost £8 per child for the session because it's so labour intensive! Clearly not affordable, so better for everyone to muck in. Why not suggest a system to her, similar to how someone else described upthread, where it's part of "how it works" that each parent or carer cleans a couple of toys at the beginning or end of each session. Perhaps she could invest in two large toy crates, one for "cleaned" and one for "not yet cleaned" to keep track?