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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the double standards?

41 replies

OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:25

When my eldest was 1, some relatives of my husband were quite funny sometimes,and when my eldest got interested in the blinds we would calmly extract him and distract or just sit him on my knee whatever.., quite often lets call him frank, would say 'tap him on his hand' 'you'll get a tapped hand' etc and I said I'll stuck him on my knee, can you open the blinds etc..'no. he has to learn etc you get the jist.

Now they have a child, and I find out now they are of a similar age, any tapping? any having to learn? No, of course not they've moved a large piece of furniture to cover them as the child keeps going for them, (of course we were told how their child would never of course) The overwhelming message of that is 'my child can do what the hell they like!', It makes me more angry and certain of the spite aimed at my eldest and tbh to the point I don't want to be around them again,

I'm probably being a bit U,
AIBU?

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 05/08/2013 15:28

How old is your eldest now?

It's a bit odd to be obsessing over this isn't it?

Everyone says they'll do one thing when they have kids & then do the complete opposite

FobblyWoof · 05/08/2013 15:31

I think maybe they were that way having not had a child of their own and the experience that comes with it, so I don't think it's a case of one rule for one another for everyone else- they just know different now. Also, I'm assuming you just visited them and they have their child all the time so of course they're going to move the furniture-and why should they for someone else's child?

I get that the wrist or hand slapping isn't on but if u were you I wouldn't have taken my child round again.

So I do get that it must be annoying for you but it's more of an eye roll moment than anything else

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 15:33

Ah, no, this is the god-given Way Things Are.

Your proper response in the situation is the smug smile and 'ahhh, do you remember darling, how Frank and FrankWife used to be, bless them .... how they do learn!'

[and insert patronizing comments here]

WeAll · 05/08/2013 15:33

I like Octopus Pete. King of the sea.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:36

I don't expect them to move furniture for me but stil , meh its a bit crap isn't it/

lol its more it to me, confirms they were being spiteful to my son Angry

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 05/08/2013 15:39

I agree with LRD. It was pre-parental smuggery - not spite. And now they ARE parents themselves, they're finding out how stupid their ideas were - so now is the time for patronising payback, if you can be bothered.

But I wouldn't take it so personally.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:41

ok , i'm flexing my smug, patronising muscles...

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 05/08/2013 15:41

They weren't being spiteful! They were just clueless.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2013 15:41

Oh give over were they being spiteful to your son

It simply sounds as though they didn't realise til they had a child of their own, just how difficult parenthood is.

The same for most people really.

kinkyfuckery · 05/08/2013 15:42

Spiteful to your son? Get over it.

Things change, especially when you become a parent. They've obviously changed the idea of how they would act with a baby/child.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 15:44

Yeah, definitely doubt it was spite.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:44

I do think smacking a 1 year is on the dodgy end of spite tbh.

Its not acceptable anyway,

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 05/08/2013 15:44

Get a grip, it's not spite. Childless people don't want other people's pfbs ruining their stuff. Get over yourself.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2013 15:44

How old is your son now?

HaroldLloyd · 05/08/2013 15:44

Putting the sofa there is sensible.

Blinds are a known hazard for babies.

I'm sure they haven't done it to prove a point.

MisselthwaiteManor · 05/08/2013 15:45

They weren't being spiteful at all, just naive and judgemental because they had no kids. My first DD is less than two months old and I have already lost count of the things I've turned my opinion around on.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:46

nearly 4,

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 15:46

I would be a bit 'hmm' at someone not a child's parent suggesting you smack them, let alone doing it, but I thought you said they were suggesting you tap him on the hand?

That gives me a different picture from smacking anyway.

Even if it were smacking, I'd think they were bang out of order, but not 'spiteful' - just over-strict and unrealistic about how babies behave.

phantomhairpuller · 05/08/2013 15:46

Ah, octopus. You again Confused

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:49

I agree Lrd with your last post, maybe spite is to strong but mean spirited , judgemental?

Naive doesn't quite cover it especially at the suggestion that they will/you should smack a 1 year old....over blinds?

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 15:51

Was it smacking or tapping?

To me they sound totally different and I am really not keen on smacking, so not coming at it from that perspective.

They were judgy but god knows they're probably paying for it now in realizing how much work their own baby is.

RunnerHasbeen · 05/08/2013 15:53

It's hardly a double standard to adjust your furniture around your own child's needs but not for a visitor. It doesn't sound spiteful at all, why on earth would you think like that, can you honestly say you had exactly the same opinions on children before having one? That you treated visiting children with the same level of care as your own when it lived in the house?

YABU, very much so, not just a little bit. You aren't even wanting to see their child because of some piece of nonsense years ago, yet expected them to treat your child as if he was their own. That is the only double standard I can see in the post.

Crinkle77 · 05/08/2013 15:58

I don't think it was double standards. Rather they just have more parenting experience now. On another note I am not a parent but would never dream of lecturing my friends on how they should bring up their children so I think they were BU for doing that.

wigglesrock · 05/08/2013 16:05

Oh catch yourself on, if everyone of us admitted to how our actual parenting differed from a bit of interaction with a relative's child we'd be here all day.

Really have you spent 3 years formatting a reaction to something that was said when your son was 1?

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2013 16:24

You've held this minuscule, non problem inside for 3 years

Really?

Jeez, let it go now.

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