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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at the double standards?

41 replies

OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 15:25

When my eldest was 1, some relatives of my husband were quite funny sometimes,and when my eldest got interested in the blinds we would calmly extract him and distract or just sit him on my knee whatever.., quite often lets call him frank, would say 'tap him on his hand' 'you'll get a tapped hand' etc and I said I'll stuck him on my knee, can you open the blinds etc..'no. he has to learn etc you get the jist.

Now they have a child, and I find out now they are of a similar age, any tapping? any having to learn? No, of course not they've moved a large piece of furniture to cover them as the child keeps going for them, (of course we were told how their child would never of course) The overwhelming message of that is 'my child can do what the hell they like!', It makes me more angry and certain of the spite aimed at my eldest and tbh to the point I don't want to be around them again,

I'm probably being a bit U,
AIBU?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 05/08/2013 16:26

We could all have been guilty of being perfect parents in our heads before we ever had any children. If we realised how hard it would really be to be that perfect, we wouldn't even bother trying and the human race would die out.

Sit back, smile smugly and enjoy the fact that they are no more, no less perfect than you.

HatieKokpins · 05/08/2013 16:37

Let. It. GO.

Spiteful, my arse.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 05/08/2013 18:24

Its obviously not miniscule to me, or I wouldn't have posted.

It may be a case of experience, but I never behaved like that pre-children.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 05/08/2013 18:30

I think there is a difference between moving furniture to cater for a child that is there all the time, and moving it as a one off. If I go round to other people's houses I don't expect them to child proof in the way that I would my own house.

My children are beyond the toddler stage now, and I wouldn't want to reorganise the furniture to cater for a visiting child (I'd expect child's parents to supervise as appropriate).

But the tapping thing is weird.

mouseymummy · 05/08/2013 18:38

Prior to becoming a parent, I used to baby sit for 2yo twins. I remember being quite judgy at the fact that their mum still used a high chair at meal times, still used dummies and probably a load of other stuff too.

Within 10 days of my dd being born I called the twins mum in tears asking her how the fuck she did it with two. She knew I would and said she was surprised I'd lasted 10 days!

Seriously, everyone believes they won't do certain things before a baby arrives and within the first 3 years you will have used every phrase you said you never would, you will have done nearly everything you.said you wouldn't do. That's life. Let it go.

Emilythornesbff · 05/08/2013 18:45

Who said "pre-parental smuggery"?
Spot on.
Obviously it still upsets you, which is understandable but I think some of the strongest opinions on parenting I hear come from ppl without children.

Mia4 · 05/08/2013 19:50

Do you have reason to think they are spiteful to your son? Many other incidents over the years that add to this one?

On look of your OP YABU OP, they probably were a bit smug believing in their own ways to discipline and thinking 'tapping is the best way to go' but it's all well and good tapping for a few hours on sporadic days and tapping all day, every day because your child is constantly doing it. They probably tried tapping and gave up on the third day.

catgirl1976 · 05/08/2013 19:55

Before I had DCs I was

not going to let them watch tv
feed them sugar
let them sleep in the same room
allow them to be picky about food
allow them to throw food

and my child would be

always polite
perfectly behaved etc etc

None of these things have stood the test of having a child :)

They weren't being spiteful. They just didn't understand the realities of having a child

You can't until you do.

GreenSkittles · 05/08/2013 19:59

I would bring it up, innocent like, cocked head 'Oh, don't you tap his hand?' and hope they have the good graces to look a bit embarrassed, then leave it at that. Some people just hold other peoples kids to a higher standard.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 05/08/2013 20:38

Someone on here once said how much easier it was to raise imaginary children. Ain't that the truth?

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 05/08/2013 20:48

I was the world's best parent....before I actually had a baby.

They probably cringe when they remember how they used to 'model' good parenting to you. Bet they thought 'we'll show Pete you just have to be firm and consistent, easy'.

Yeah, easy Grin

Just console yourself that they've obviously realised. Drop a few 'not as easy as you think is it' conspiratorial comments and jobs a good'un. Point made.

raisah · 05/08/2013 21:06

Grow some extremely thick skin & develop a sharp tongue because you will get more of this as your child grows up. My MIL always criticised other peoples kids & her kids now do what she used to judge others for. These things always have karma attached so sit back & enjoy the 'I told you so show'.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/08/2013 21:50

god, look, everyone's an expert on kids before they have them. Let it go.

You should have heard some of the utter shit that dropped out of my gob before I was a parent.

They now have their own kid and they realise that all the things they were advocating back when they knew fuck all about it were crap.

That happens to us all. Or at least most of us. If we're willing to admit it...

Ask me about
dummies
sleeping
pocket money
backchat
discipline
etc etc etc

I was bloody supernanny, mother teresa, mary poppins and maria von trapp rolled into one until I actually HAD a kid!

Just move on.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 06/08/2013 00:07

I like to clarify I never expected them to move furniture for my child its the keenness on tapping/smacking (same thing to me tbh) that's the issue.

But yeah I know what u'll all mean , there have been some incidents other than...

thanks for the replies
x

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 06/08/2013 08:09

I would say something tbh - like gosh I expected you would tap him just like you did to x. Or how are you planning to teach him - when x was a baby you thought it was a good idea to do x. Or aren't you worried he won't learn I seem to remember you thought tapping was a good idea etc. keep on repeating yourself until they get message and are forced to apologise.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 06/08/2013 19:23

Good idea I may try that,

today there child was invading my video/dvd shelf sticking lone disks in the mouth, then of course my baby went wading in I came back to a pile of dvds on top of the unit,

in franks house It would have they stay there , he has to learn, and it sort of annoys me that something that trivial annoys me.

OP posts:
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