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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to have a cost-price pay bar at my wedding for booze I have bought.

92 replies

broodzillathehun · 04/08/2013 22:39

Name changed as I had this conversation today with a friend who is on here (Hi Kate!) but am a long time mnetter, naice ham, pom bears, yoni etc..

We are getting married next year in London and have found a lovely blank canvas venue for the reception that ticks almost every box . We're Irish and lots of our guests will be too, so flying over just for the event and expecting a proper piss up that goes on about 2am. The venue does not have a bar.

I will be providing wine with the meal and and proseco or similar for a toast.

Budget is smallish and I can't afford to run a free bar for all those people all night. The venue charge a flat rate of £200 to bring in your own booze so my options are hire in a mobile bar so the drinks are supplied by someone else and they charge London prices OR buy the booze cheaply ourselves and have the venue's staff run a pay bar but at cost price , so you might pay £1.50 for a g and t for example.

I have a slightly icky feeling about charging my guests directly for anything. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:

Gooseysgirl · 04/08/2013 23:26

YANBU... The Irish will not be expecting a free bar (I'm Irish and out of the many Irish weddings I've been to I have never yet encountered a free bar, other than wine being provided for the meal). Also if they have had plenty of advance notice of the wedding date they should have been able to get great deals on flights and accommodation. A cost price bar sounds very fair to me and the guests will be delighted with that!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/08/2013 23:26

Never been to a wedding with a free bar in Ireland, not the done thing over here so I wouldn't think your Irish guests will be expecting it. Don't think anyone would mind paying especially if it's cost price. I'd be delighted with that!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/08/2013 23:28

Ha ha post is very similar to Gooseys, great minds etc.

dontputaringonit · 04/08/2013 23:31

I think your original OP is fine. You could however say on the invites something like, 'No presents please, we have everything we need but we'd love it if you could bring a bottle of Champagne or your drinks for the evening so the party goes with a swing!'

I went to a party where everywhere bought champagne and it was great.

cacamilis · 04/08/2013 23:45

As an irish person I have only once been to a wedding with a free bar so it's easy from the norm. I would be delighted to go to a wedding and only pay a pound or two per drink.
personally I would tell no one and I mean no one (sorry Kate but you need to be silenced ), I would hire a couple of car people, factor in their cost and charge accordingly.
In Ireland Tesco will refund any unopened alcohol so maybe you could check that out.
Also you may decide to go with a limited bar and not stock all spirits, beers etc so maybe you could let people know in advance what is available and give them a choice of bringing their preferred drink, again you don't need to explain just say there is a limited alcohol choice.

AmIthatHot · 04/08/2013 23:58

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar, in fact never known anyone who has

My friends got married a couple of years ago and had their reception in a village hall. They bought in bulk and sold from a makeshift bar, but the drink was cheap, much better than hotel prices

xylem8 · 04/08/2013 23:59

I have to say I think it'sa bit rich of the venue to charge you to bring in your own drinks when they have no licenceof their own.
Iwould bring in the mobile bar company.You won't be stuck with the £200 for nothing fee, plus you won't be trying to second guess what and how much your guests will drink.I think it hjas the potential toleave you seriously out of pocket!!

Original poster

broodzillathehun · 05/08/2013 00:25

Thanks for that link Xxhia, that's really helpful, I need to speak to the venue to figure out how it would be done, they have done this kind of thing before so perhaps they have a license.

I do wonder what my Mother will say, no intention of telling his parents!

OP posts:

GertBySea · 05/08/2013 04:16

The guests don't need to know who bought the booze, if you can fine someone to serve it. They can just think that it's a cheap bar.

GertBySea · 05/08/2013 04:17

*find not fine

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 04:35

I would do as others have suggested - hire a couple of people to run the bar for you, then your guests would have no idea that you had bought the alcohol. However, G&T for £1.50 - I wouldn't care if an escaped chimp had bought the alcohol :)

glastocat · 05/08/2013 05:53

I'm Irish and have never been to a wedding with a free bar, such a thing would be insanity! I'd be delighted at a cost price bar, although it may end up a bit of a riot too!

HotCrossPun · 05/08/2013 06:22

Sounds like a great idea to me.

How many guests are there going to be?

As long as you can find somewhere that will refund any unopened booze then it's perfect. Better to get a lot more than you think you'll need - the bar running dry would be a nightmare!

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 05/08/2013 07:07

At our wedding we did all wine (from waitrose - unopened was fully refundable) and kegs of beer from the local brewery for the night. If people wanted spirits then there was a cash bar, though I really can't remember the prices! Seemed to go well, we even had wine to take back and some very happy beer drinkers!

Would that be an option?

cantreachmytoes · 05/08/2013 07:31

Can't see the problem with a cost price pay bar (cost price should probably include the bar staff and glass washers I would imagine) from the guests' point of view.

From yours though, it's an extra layer of organisation, which is what the mobile bar would take care of for you - presumably. Apart from logistics on the night such as making sure there's a flow of clean glasses, you have to get and return the alcohol, sliced lemons/limes (G&T, coke), ice, check money, get bar staff etc. Perhaps there is a friend/family member who wants to help out with something (who is reliable and trustworthy!) who could at least to the post wedding counting and returning.

Mendi · 05/08/2013 07:31

Am surprised no one has suggested inviting fewer guests for the wedding you can afford...

Umlauf · 05/08/2013 07:51

We did a free bar at our marquee back garden wedding, with no bar staff (or fee) just kegs of beer that were brewed for the bar we met working at, loads of wine and prosecco (sale or return) and homemade limoncello, for about 100 guests. It went down amazingly, the atmosphere couldn't have been better, and it honestly didn't cost that much, the catering was more. Everyone commented on it, whilst no-one expected it, so it may be unusual but it goes down brilliantly. No vomit either!! We planned the wedding with certain goals in mind though, one being that it shouldn't cost people as they'd have paid transport and accommodation already, so cut back elsewhere.

It was the first blank canvas wedding I'd been to though and I'd never have thought to bring cash, no cashpoints nearby. I've always had cash for hotel weddings. Maybe a little note on the invitation or website letting people know in advance so they can prepare accordingly.

Cherriesarelovely · 05/08/2013 07:51

Sounds fine Op. I would personally go with the cost price bar just because I think lugging your own drinks around from place to place at a wedding would be annoying. Sure no one would object to paying for their drinks, I've done that at all the weddings I've been to.

glastocat · 05/08/2013 07:52

Nice little dig there Mendi, this is what she can afford. Irish people plus free bar is asking for trouble.

QOD · 05/08/2013 07:59

Just tell them you've managed to sort a cost price bar! Or subsidised but low cost drinks available

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 05/08/2013 08:04

Seems very sensible and reasonable to me. The only wedding I have ever been to with a free bar was a couple with filthy rich parents.

Mendi · 05/08/2013 08:05

Not meant to be a dig at all. When we got married we just invited the number of people we could pay for, including wine all night.

Most weddings I've been too have been on the same basis.

Nothing wrong with the pay bar in my view but I would go to all possible lengths to conceal the fact that the OP and husband have provided the booze. Although it should be no different to having a "normal" pay bar, I bet there will be people who would think not "great, a g and t for £1", but "how rude to take money from your guests". Such is human nature.

Impatientwino · 05/08/2013 08:07

If you're providing wine and toasting drinks then I assume you have to pay the £200 charge anyway. Therefore how about just buying a bit more wine/beer to whatever level you can afford to give to people so no worries about selling it and then get the venue to run their own bar.

When the wine/beer is gone people can buy their own drinks if they want.

It just sounds like extra hassle for you trying to buy all the booze - will the venue help you set it up? Will they be able to keep it all cold? I.e how helpful will they be if they're not profiting from the drinks? Will they provide staff to run your bar? Is that covered by the £200 charge?

One thing I found when I was planning my own wedding was that you can't please everyone so don't try! Just do whatever is least stressful for you!

formicadinosaur · 05/08/2013 08:11

Make it a bring your own and that way everyone brings what they want to drink. You can always buy an extra an extra box if wine and beer.

Original poster

broodzillathehun · 05/08/2013 08:17

Slightly concerned about the beer issue too, lots of people will want pints (at family gatherings usually my uncles would have one glass of wine at dinner and then start ordering pints of beet to the table). Would it be hard to keep kegs cold?

OP posts:

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