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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with lazy Dh and his all day hangover

49 replies

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 20:33

Last night we had a family party at in laws. His family are real party animals and drink VAST amounts. All fine but not really my cup of tea tbh. We have had a few family parties this year where Dh has drunk so much he has been useless the next day. He really annoys me when he is drunk at parties as he seems to completely forget he has a wife and children there, and his main concern is socialising with his family and friends. Normally I join in and let my hair down (once kids are asleep) but on this occasion I decided to drive home and tuck kids up in bed at home. My decision as I just couldn't be arsed with his piss head behaviour.

What annoys me is that he stayed overnight and I didn't hear a word from him until 12 o'clock this afternoon. No concern as to whether we got home safely. He couldn't even be bothered to help me get 2 sleeping kids into the car FFS. He then arrives home at 1 o' clock and falls asleep on the sofa. I had been up since 6.30 with 2 kids, 5 years and 2!

I then decide to take kids out at 4pm as they were climbing the walls. He point blank refused to come along with us. I asked him to hang out washing and get the dinner on. We come home at 6 to find he had only just put dinner on as he fell asleep and the washing was still in the machine.
I just can't get over the sheer fucking laziness and I am so angry. He has just ponced off to bed after lots of sighing about how tired he is!!!!! Arggg!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 04/08/2013 20:35

Then take a day or weekend off yourself.

Sirzy · 04/08/2013 20:37

As long as its not something that happens every week I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Like expat said take a 'day off' next weekend in needed.

phantomhairpuller · 04/08/2013 20:37

YANBU!

My DH is exactly the same when he's hungover

TimeofChange · 04/08/2013 20:38

Sorry, I couldn't be doing with it, but I did put up with crap like that for years.

He needs to grow up!

girlsyearapart · 04/08/2013 20:43

Mine is the same too. Going out for a drink turns into rolling home at 5am then the whole next day being sick.

I have told him to grow up so this happens lots less now.

HollyBerryBush · 04/08/2013 20:46

He was at a family party, cut some slack, not as if he was in the pub and went AWOL with his mates until Midday is it?

Fairylea · 04/08/2013 20:46

I'm with timeofchange. Everyone is entitled to time off but to get so pissed you are comatose the next day when you have small children is ridiculous. And selfish.

Dh had a day to himself today. He went into town at 10, got a tattoo done, met with a mate and had lunch and saw a film and was back at 6 to do bedtime routine for me so I had a break and tomorrow I get to go out. That's how it works. Not come in the next day and fall asleep in the bloody chair all day.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 04/08/2013 20:47

YANBU if this happens frequently.

I've been hungover today though and I haven't been a lot of help to DH. I think this is the first time since having dc though (ds1 is 7.9).

Ba1leys · 04/08/2013 20:47

I think he is fine having a day on the drink, but then he should make a fuss of the kids the following day, giving you a 'day off''

That's what I always did.

Cat98 · 04/08/2013 20:49

YANBU.

Pollydon · 04/08/2013 20:51

On the rare occasion dh does this he treats me like a queen once his hangover has worn off.
But Ive been training him for over 20 yrs

complexnumber · 04/08/2013 20:53

Did you let him know you were driving off? Was it all agreed?

How was he going to get home?

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 20:53

Exactly Fairylea. I foolishly thought that having spent the whole morning at his mother's house he might have caught up on his sleep and been fairly helpful when he got home. That was part of the reason why I drove home to be honest, so I didn't have to be around when he was recovering. I would have been more than happy if he had just fucking stayed there a bit longer and let me deal with the kids. Just his very presence annoyed me. He had all morning to recover without having to look after the children. He didn't need to come home and spend 2 hours sleeping when there was stuff that needed to be done.

OP posts:

MrsBungle · 04/08/2013 20:54

If this was once in a while it wouldn't bother me at all. I write off the next day if I've been out and dh and I are happy to accommodate each other. We don't do it often though.

Pollydon · 04/08/2013 20:55

Then tell him !

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 20:57

Yes complex I had arranged to drive home as I didn't fancy drinking. But the main reason was to not be around him when he drinks so much. He was staying at the house.

OP posts:

tittytittyhanghang · 04/08/2013 20:57

What Mrs. Bungle said. I like drinking vast amounts of alcohol and fuck it, children + hangover = torture. Isn't that one of the perks of having a loving partner :D

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:00

Yeah well I think you might have hit the nail on the head there titty.

"Loving partner" hmmmm.

Resentment is a real killer isn't it?

OP posts:

maja00 · 04/08/2013 21:00

Is it just a few times a year?

To be honest I have 2 or 3 nights out + days off with a hangover a year, I don't think it's that unreasonable.

Why don't you take next weekend off? Do something nice just for you while he looks after the children?

WorraLiberty · 04/08/2013 21:00

I'm useless when I'm hungover and my DH knows this

He's learnt not to expect anything from me the next day

If it doesn't happen often OP, I wouldn't really worry.

complexnumber · 04/08/2013 21:03

Yes complex I had arranged to drive home as I didn't fancy drinking. But the main reason was to not be around him when he drinks so much. He was staying at the house.

Fair enough, then he is being a knob.

Fart on his head while he sleeps.

littlemisswise · 04/08/2013 21:07

I'm with Fairylea and Timeforchange.

DS1(18) went out last night and stayed at his mate's house so he didn't have to drive home. He got home at 1pm, had a shower and took his brother out. They both came home at about 4pm. DS1 hoovered upstairs and then helped me do dinner. He is now in his room doing his weights after he has just got back from a run.

I wouldn't have taken the kids out if I had been you, 21stCentury. I would have given them wooden spoons and saucepans to play with!

lovecupboards · 04/08/2013 21:09

Sounds like quite normal behaviour for a heavy drug abuser. Not sure why it's taken you by surprise.

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:12

What? Have I missed something, lovecupboards?

OP posts:

pointythings · 04/08/2013 21:17

lovecupboards is making the point that alcohol is a drug and can be very addictive. Depending on how often this kind of thing happens with your DH, his drinking could be a problem. You can be dependent on alcohol without drinking a lot all the time, bingeing between bouts of not drinking is also a way it can manifest. It's worth bearing in mind.

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