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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with lazy Dh and his all day hangover

49 replies

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 20:33

Last night we had a family party at in laws. His family are real party animals and drink VAST amounts. All fine but not really my cup of tea tbh. We have had a few family parties this year where Dh has drunk so much he has been useless the next day. He really annoys me when he is drunk at parties as he seems to completely forget he has a wife and children there, and his main concern is socialising with his family and friends. Normally I join in and let my hair down (once kids are asleep) but on this occasion I decided to drive home and tuck kids up in bed at home. My decision as I just couldn't be arsed with his piss head behaviour.

What annoys me is that he stayed overnight and I didn't hear a word from him until 12 o'clock this afternoon. No concern as to whether we got home safely. He couldn't even be bothered to help me get 2 sleeping kids into the car FFS. He then arrives home at 1 o' clock and falls asleep on the sofa. I had been up since 6.30 with 2 kids, 5 years and 2!

I then decide to take kids out at 4pm as they were climbing the walls. He point blank refused to come along with us. I asked him to hang out washing and get the dinner on. We come home at 6 to find he had only just put dinner on as he fell asleep and the washing was still in the machine.
I just can't get over the sheer fucking laziness and I am so angry. He has just ponced off to bed after lots of sighing about how tired he is!!!!! Arggg!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 21:21

Lovecupboards - heavy drug abuser? A bit harsh! Do you have ishoos?

OP - I am sure your DH will have got the message that you are well and truly pissed off with him by now. You are probably not being unreasonable but on the other hand I don't know anyone who has not been in the same position as you and your DH. I would just make sure that I got my turn at having time out some time soon.

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:24

Bloody hell, that's an interesting perspective. Not quite sure I would put Dh in that category. Feckless lazyarse, yes. Raging alcoholic, nah. The man just loves to party. He doesn't get out much so when he does he lets his hair down.

OP posts:

tittytittyhanghang · 04/08/2013 21:26

Don't resent it, save it up for next time you really cant deal with children (could be hangover related or just want a break) then remind him how much of a great wife you were when he was hungover. Works in my house.

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:28

But surely alcohol binges after long periods of abstinence is what most people with kids do, no? That would class lots of people as alcoholics wouldn't it?

OP posts:

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 21:29

21st - think you just answered your original question in your last sentence. I am glad that the last couple of OTT replies have helped you to realise this.

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:29

Titty, wise words again. I am definitely going to do that. And also fart on his head while he sleeps, of course.

OP posts:

maja00 · 04/08/2013 21:30

Does he do this every month, or 3 or 4 times a year?

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 21:31

Sorry 21st, I meant you answered your own question in the sentence 'he doesn't get out much but when he does he likes to party', not your other post!

Original poster

21stCenturyDropout · 04/08/2013 21:32

No its a few times a year. We have had a small cluster lately just as its been a busy year, family wise.

OP posts:

ArtVandelay · 04/08/2013 21:36

Well, you've done some giving - next weekend do some taking! Don't get stressed just get even.

maja00 · 04/08/2013 21:39

Maybe you could compromise on him having x number of weekends a year to let his hair down, and you get the same number off?

Doshusallie · 04/08/2013 21:39

My dh used to do this all the time. He is much better these days. It is very frustrating I agree.

YANBU

BlingLoving · 04/08/2013 21:42

I don't understand the responses saying its no big deal. I certainly don't think you should be ltb but this behaviour is not acceptable.

Both dh and I have days where we are a mess from the night before but, and this is important.... We plan it in advance and the person getting the break is super grateful and "pays back" in some way.

Spontaneously deciding that you have no childcare or family responsibilities is not ok.

And yes, OP should absolutely take a spontaneous day for herself next week. But I bet she won't.

specialsubject · 04/08/2013 21:59

Getting so pissed that you are useless for the next 36 hours is called drinking way too much.

I don't think calling it 'drug abuse' is far off the mark. Anyway, it is the behaviour of a gormless teen not a normal adult with responsibilities.

YouTheCat · 04/08/2013 22:01

Fair enough to have a bit much and feel a bit rough, but to be out of action all day is taking the piss especially when that leaves one person with all the childcare/house stuff etc.

Sheshelob · 04/08/2013 22:10

YABU

You know your DH. And you know hangovers. If you know he loves a party then you should have known today was a write off. Just make sure he pays you back.

But the biggest YABU goes to all the puritans calling alcoholic on this. Go picket an Oddbins and leave OP alone.

pointythings · 04/08/2013 22:14

If it's a few times a year then probably not so much an alcohol problem as an attitude problem. I second all those who suggest dumping him with all the kids one weekend and doing something just for you - you deserve it.

I wasn't calling alcoholic, just raising it as a possibility depending on frequency and patterns - what's wrong with raising a potential serious issue? And I still think it's bloody juvenile behaviour - neither DH nor I have done this since we had the DDs.

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 22:15

Sheshelob - totally agree!

verytellytubby · 04/08/2013 22:20

Depends how many times a month it is. I like to party and have a useless hangover day every few months. I don't see the problem.

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 22:21

Pointythings - I am sure the OP would know if her DH was an alcoholic with a serious problem. Good for you not doing it since having kids

Sheshelob · 04/08/2013 22:26

Pointythings - nothing in the OP points to a serious issue, though. Your post just makes you sound like you want to tip the punchbowl, so to speak.

And hold on to your bonnet, I have gone out numerous times and got hammered since I had my DS. Me. The mum. Heaven for fend. People like me shouldn't be allowed to have kids etc.

shallweshop · 04/08/2013 22:29

sheshelob - cheers

YouTheCat · 04/08/2013 22:33

Alcoholic or not is irrelevant. If this is not something which is reciprocated by the OP's dh then it is not on.

No it's not the biggest deal in the world but if he then spends the rest of the day sleeping it off and OP never gets to do that/have a day to herself etc then there are big issues with respect.

pictish · 04/08/2013 22:34

I agree with mtsbungle too. In this house it's me who has to lose a day to being hungover on the rare occasion I go on the lash.
My husband is lovely. He looks after the kids, brings me tea, and urges me to sleep it off.

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