To not have much sympathy for people with minor ailments?

[Stillhopingstillhere]

My aunt has recently had a cataract removed. I saw her today and she went on in great detail about the operation and then kept on and on and on about how she has to have six lots of drops for two weeks and she'd have to remember to put them in and it was inconvenient and she would be an expert at doing it etc etc. then she kept looking at the clock and going on about how long it was until the next lot of drops and how the consultant says she's got to go back for a check up etc ( she's not elderly by the way, in early 50s) and the sighing very melodramatically.

A friend had been diagnosed with a slight under active thyroid and has to take one tablet a day. Have had chapter and verse on this. Including one conversation when he dramatically announced he might be on the tablets for ages! They have since said he can stop taking the tablets as the imbalance is so mild it might just be normal for him.

Mil has had to have a short dose of steroid tablets which have left her feeling very tired, have heard all about this. How she has to take the tablets out with her, how she hasn't been able to have a drink, how she has to remember to put them in her handbag. And then she always takes the tablet in front of everyone followed by another conversation about the side affects they might cause.

I do have sympathy to a degree. However I am type 1 diabetic and so each time someone moans about taking a tablet once a day for a month I want to say "how about I will swap?" One tablet a day or drops for a couple of weeks sounds a whole lot easier than blood tests and injections for the rest of my life. And I do know it isn't a competition. And I appreciate that whilst diabetes isn't great it could be worse, it's manageable and I'm not in pain or anything. So I never ever mention it irl, in fact I have some reasonably close friends who aren't even aware I have the condition.

So why do people create such drama over such minor things? I don't mind hearing once, maybe twice but over and over?

Aibu?

I think when something is new or currently flaring up/causing a problem that it is quite normal for people to offload and talk about it. Normally this is to someone close to them, who they think may be interested enough to be supportive or empathetic. They will often forgot that that person has/had bigger issues to deal with. I bet we are all guilty of it at times.

I have arthritis and at times, especially when first diagnosed, I probably did talk about it with people close to me a fair bit - and when I have a big flare up I probably do. I know friends and family with far bigger issues, and have probably mentioned it to them too . But that doesn't mean that I am not thinking of them too nor does it mean that I think my pain or inconvenience is worse than them. It just means its bugging me at the moment and need to offload. My dx can cause a good deal of tiredness, I need to take several tablets each day, sometimes have to have painful steriod injections under my knee cap, sometimes means I am struggling to walk or grip with my hands.

Day to day I don't talk about it much, not even to dh. But sometimes if it is really playing up I do. I hope my friends understand, nod a bit and then we move on to other stuff. Don't we all do this with close family and friends?

Sometimes people just need a good moan. I remember when DS was in hospital once I got talking to another parent in the parents room whos daughter was having some minor surgery (teeth out IIRC) she had a good moan about how stressful it was and then at the end of the conversation asked why DS was in, when I explained and she heard he was in HDU she said she felt guilty for having moaned at me. There was no need to though because no matter what was going on my my world that didn't mean her worries were any less important.

Illness doesn't need to be a competition, everyone will deal with what they are going through in a different way.

You are being a bit unreasonable but to be fair I understand your point. I have an an underactive thyroid, some days I feel just fine, days like today I feel like my whole body is dipped in concrete and my brain is working through treacle. On those days I do want to sit and feel sorry for myself. Even worse when people assume you are 'just a bit tired' or 'being lazy' and should just get over it. Yes I'm lucky, my illness is mild and people are worse off than me. But do we all really go through life thinking 'shouldn't complain, people have have bigger problems than mine..' If we did aibu wouldn't exist for a start.
That said, some people just court drama and it can get annoying for a while. I have an acquaintance that moans about hers and her children's health all the time, every little rash or cough is a bit deal, coupled with dramatic sighs about how heavy her load to bear is. Does it make me grit my teeth sometimes? Well yes. But what can you do but smile sympathetically and hope the subject changes. It's obviously a big deal to her and I'm not qualified to work out why or try and change that.

I know my ex used to whinge about his stomach loads, he was always ill, headache here, sore toe, bad back, sore leg, hay fever, twinge in his back you name it he had it. He did nothing but whinge all the time and it always seemed to happen when we needed to go somewhere or do something.

ANyway, he'd also been complaining of indigestion and pain for a few week. Again. Went to the docs and they gave him some meds and advice to change hus lifestyle which he ignored and still ate crap and smoked abd drank. I used to tell him to shut the fuck up in the end. I went to work one night and he rang me begging me to come home cos he'd been sick. I wasn't very sympathetic I cursed him all the way home, walked in the door to find vomit and blood everywhere and then he started hemorrhaging blood from his arse and then he collapsed.

He was actually quite poorly with a burst stomach ulcer and was in hospital for a while.

Another time he whinged about yet another boil he had, moped about over xmas being a miserable fucker, went to the docs on boxing day as an emergency. I was like oh for fucks sake. Really?? For a boil? Oh dear he was rushed in with a nasty infection in it that was spreading. He was in emergency surgery having it drained and packed that night and he wasn't right for months.

WHoops.

Mind you im a wuss when it comes to colds though.

OP, I am a Type 1 too and I agree with you completely! Totally and utterly!

I also did the opposite once too. Felt ill, assumed a heavy cold, maybe flu coming on. Tried to go on as normal. Floored but didn't really want to make a fuss. 5 days later I was hospitalised with pnuemonia and very poorly for a few days. Sometimes it can go either way.

Sympathy is different to empathy. Empathy is the way to go - show you understand, but then you can move on to other subjects.

YANBU and YABU

Going on and on about a non-serious illness is tedious, but something can be not too serious and also unpleasant or painful or scary. I had sinusitis recently and it was agony. I complained quite a lot to various people. But even so at the time I counted myself lucky that it would be temporary and not serious (some of the pain lasted 2 -3 months though).

I don't mind people complaining about their ailments to me, but then I don't have a serious/long-term condition. I can imagine that you would get a bit frustrated and do think yanbu really.

YABU. Some people get very anxious over "minor ailments". What may seem minor may not be. If I had to have a minot routine operation I'd be terrified and it would be a big deal to me but DH was born with a condition meaning he's had multiple surgeries and so one more wouldn't bother him.
Also, some people may have nobody else to talk to. I actually find it quite interesting.

ghosts it was a stomach ulcer that I was trying to persuade the doctors to send me home with. I literally puked a gutful of blood on the doctor but was trying to persuade him I should go home! If they hadn't operated on me then I'd have kicked a (very bloody) bucket!

But as I said, I have a cold and it's the end of the world.

I can see why it would be annoying, but as someone who only had 2 ear infections between childhood and having my own babies, it is very frightening having even small things dealt with. The cataract thing followed by massive amounts of eye drops would totally do for my nerves and I'd likely have a good whinge in the hope someone would reassure me. I damaged my back after my second labour and was bed bound for 2 days in pain and was a wreck. Some people, however lucky, just aren't good at being unwell/injured.

Oh, and I wasn't a drinker or a smoker. It was anti-inflammatories which caused it (post op prescription ones)

Agree katykuns - we're all good at coping with different setbacks. That doesn't reduce others' ailments or troubles.

YABU. I wouldn't call a cataract removal operation, underactive thyroid or condition requiring a course of steroids in a person who is not young a "minor ailment". I would call a cold, flu or so on a minor ailment. These are actually quite serious conditions. YABU to think there is some kind of competition between severity of complaints. The shock of diagnosis and difficulty in actually getting a diagnosis can be stressful to people as well.

I have always been relatively healthy, then a few years ago I had a slight earache and then started feeling like the room was spinning and I couldn't eat or drink without vomiting. Luckily my sister was at my house when I started hallucinating and took me for an emergency GP appointment whereupon I was sent straight to hospital as my kidneys were shutting down because I was dehydrated. All because of an ear infection.

3 years later I was still suffering the symptoms of vertigo because of this and no doubt people were fed up of me. I'd have to run and vomit every time I moved my head too suddenly, I couldn't look up at the ceiling without falling over. I threw up every day at work for 3 years, sometimes having to leg it out of the room mid-sentence. I know people thought I was exaggerating, that I just felt a bit dizzy. Then someone else at work had similar problems and suddenly people became a bit more understanding.

So my minor ailment caused me 3 years of pain, sickness and just wanting to die most days. YABU because you can't know how a 'minor ailment' is affecting people.

I will accept I am being a bit unreasonable.

However I do think most of the examples given here are different to complaining about taking a tablet every day for a few weeks.
As I said I am generally sympathetic at first but lose patience if I have to hear it repeatedly. Maybe I am slightly hardened to it.

yabu

She didn't need to know I was envious of her child's dx. Not envious exactly, I didn't want my dd to have anything wrong with her. But diabetes would have been preferable.

Agree. Exactly this.

As most people, I have health issues, and will have to be on meds every day for the rest of my life to make it slightly easier. However, the whineing I do when I have the flu or something, is waaaay worse :P I think it's just a case of "this is not a normal situation", thus creating a need to moan. I don't normally moan about the more serious condition, only about the little ones which feel very inconvenient for a very short period of time!