To not have much sympathy for people with minor ailments?

[Stillhopingstillhere]

My aunt has recently had a cataract removed. I saw her today and she went on in great detail about the operation and then kept on and on and on about how she has to have six lots of drops for two weeks and she'd have to remember to put them in and it was inconvenient and she would be an expert at doing it etc etc. then she kept looking at the clock and going on about how long it was until the next lot of drops and how the consultant says she's got to go back for a check up etc ( she's not elderly by the way, in early 50s) and the sighing very melodramatically.

A friend had been diagnosed with a slight under active thyroid and has to take one tablet a day. Have had chapter and verse on this. Including one conversation when he dramatically announced he might be on the tablets for ages! They have since said he can stop taking the tablets as the imbalance is so mild it might just be normal for him.

Mil has had to have a short dose of steroid tablets which have left her feeling very tired, have heard all about this. How she has to take the tablets out with her, how she hasn't been able to have a drink, how she has to remember to put them in her handbag. And then she always takes the tablet in front of everyone followed by another conversation about the side affects they might cause.

I do have sympathy to a degree. However I am type 1 diabetic and so each time someone moans about taking a tablet once a day for a month I want to say "how about I will swap?" One tablet a day or drops for a couple of weeks sounds a whole lot easier than blood tests and injections for the rest of my life. And I do know it isn't a competition. And I appreciate that whilst diabetes isn't great it could be worse, it's manageable and I'm not in pain or anything. So I never ever mention it irl, in fact I have some reasonably close friends who aren't even aware I have the condition.

So why do people create such drama over such minor things? I don't mind hearing once, maybe twice but over and over?

Aibu?

Stillhopingstillhere I did in the end! That's why it only lasted twent minutes otherwise I'm sure she'd have gone on for longer.

I just said "that must be really hard but at least it's only for 6 weeks unlike DS who has this for life!"

She did look suitably ashamed!

Sheridand I think your situation is very different to my friend's.

He had a blood test because he'd been feeling tired and it showed a possible problem which when repeated it didn't show. They eventually advised him that he might be dehydrated because he barely drinks anything, he has upped his fluid intake, stopped burning the candle at both ends, started eating better and drinking less alcohol and seems much better. Not really the same thing.

Yanbu. However, until you have experience of something worse, you almost take your health for granted. I recently had something which completely floored me - literally bed bound for a month. Luckily I had surgery and am now recovering - fingers firmly crossed that there is no relapse - which has firmly put things into perspective for me. Walking, showering, brushing my teeth without being in severe, excruciating agony is a complete luxury to me now. I know that I'll never take my health for granted again. But until something like that happens, if you're generally healthy and well but for the odd cold and cough, something like eye surgery and having to take drops every day for 2 weeks can seem major.

LRDY it isn't actually so much telling me about the illness, it's more the complaining if the treatment consists of taking once tablet!

And sorry to hear about your poor Granny. I know what you mean, some people don't actually make enough fuss!

Fair enough - I do see that, still. As I say, I think it is tactless for them to bring it up with you at all, no matter what the treatment is.

But I am torn, because I do think more openness about illness is good, even if it does involve some whining. I may not be making much sense.

Cross post - thank you. And goodness, don't worry - she was lovely but I don't know what would have pushed her to see the doctor! It's just my feeling these days that there is such a big difference in attitudes - some of us moan about every little thing but others really don't get the help they need, and I worry.

Surely it is basic good manners for them to realize you are suffering from a painful illness and they could put a sock in it?!

I always thought my DP was a bit of a drama queen when it came to illness. He had a dodgy stomach for a few years. Got fed up of listening to him whinge about it.

2 Christmas's ago it was bad enough for him to take a day off work. Told him to go to docs but he decided it was just a d & v bug.

2 weeks after that he woke up at 2am begging me to call an ambulance. He was admitted and a scan done. His bowel had perforated, his apendix burst and he hadpperitonitis. They think his bowel had burst 2 weeks before because of the amount of infection. He was on hdu for 5 days. The base of his lungs had begun to collapse because of the amount of pus and infection in his gut.

Soooooo now if someone I care about mentions they feel ill I always ask them more. If I had paid a bit more attention to DP he may not have gotten so ill.

I actually hate it when people play the 'my pain is greater than yours' game.

I have a friend who is like that. If I say my low thyroid is making my hair fall out again she will say something about how lucky I am because I don't currently have a headache

It kind of seems that is what you are doing.

Hmm. YABU. I have been at death's door with one problem that if the doctors had listened to me they'd have sent me home. They didn't and saved my life. Another time when I broke my back I gave them 3 on the 1-10 painscale so they'd send me home (they didn't). If I have a cold I turn into a gibbering wuss however.

The lifelong problems I now have from my back and the other issue don't bother me. A headache will send me to bed.

My wussiness for minor ailments gives me perspective. You can learn to live with chronic issues, but a bit of a cold can be very debilitating.

That's really scary frou.

This topic also upsets me because my cousin died after a perfectly preventable heart attack. She had plenty of symptoms, and yet they all thought if you could bear the pain, it couldn't be serious. So she died. I am still so angry and upset, as she had told people she was in pain and they knew she was not someone who would make a fuss. But no-one took her seriously because they had internalized this stupid idea that if it sounds like a 'minor' ailment (in her case it felt like a cramp in her arm and chest), then it must be worth ignoring.

The difference is samu that I dont actually say anything!
I suspect that I probably come across as sympathetic. And I am I initially. But I'm afraid I don't stay sympathetic for long if someone is complaining about taking one tablet.

frou, how is it your fault if you'd paid him more attention he wouldn't have become so ill? You told him to go to the doctor, he is an adult, he chose not to.

That does sound awful frou.

But ... you not saying anything might simply reinforce the idea that an illness so trivial it only requires 'one tablet' is nothing.

It's difficult, because I am guessing from what you say that you know people who really are a bit OTT. And I think we all do. Some people are like that and it's annoying. But what if the person has gone to the GP, been diagnosed with a severe headache or a minor sprain in their arm, and got a pill to take - and they yak at you because they're really worried? In some cases those people will be being silly. But in others, those people will be my gran or my cousin, who had this happen to them - and maybe if someone had listend and realized they were really scared, and there was more to it than the doctor had said, they would not have died.

Oh I don't know, we have more than our fair share of serious ill health in our household. It doesn't mean that other peoples ailments aren't important to them though, however minor it might seem. I don't mind listening to people go on about their stuff really. Which is fortunate, as its a big part of my job.

But presumably you've had diabetes for a while, while these are recent conditions?

Granted you don't go on about your (permanent) diabetes, but do you really, hand on heart, never complain to anyone if you have a rotten cold, or a headache, or sprain your ankle, or anything else that's temporary and minor in the grand scheme of things but annoying/distressing and new to you?

And you're used to remembering that you need injections -- this is new to them and they will have been reminded by their HCPs that they MUST do this, and they MUST do it this often, and if they DON'T do it then all these terrible things will happen, and so naturally they are making a deliberate effort to remember and it's preying on their minds and at the forefront of their consciousness at the moment.

I agree there is a line.

I loathe the competitiveness that things that aren't 'right' bring. There's no competition, or rather if there is one, it's only levels of pain, so there's no point playing.

Yes, some people are BORING, whatever the ailment or illness. However, a lot fo people are amazing.

PetiteRaleuse Exactly, and my respect.

I don't think anyone WBU if they were the parent of a disabled child and heard minor moans about mobility. The reason I don't think these parents are U is purely because they are 'parent' and feeling things on behalf of those we love and are so proud of is never U (and are responsible for) .... but even then perhaps, we need to remember that it's all relative.

Having my coil changed was one of the worst most horrid experiences of my life. Yet it affects me more than the 'real stuff' that I fight (bare knuckled and without pulling any punches) everyday.

YANBU at all.

My dd2 (3) was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few months ago and it has been absolute hell.
People do not understand at all and I too get irritated by others complainig about minor problems.

No what I mean LRDY is when mil was telling me about taking the tablet I'd never have said "yes well I have to etc etc" like Samu was referring to in her post.
I was initially sympathetic. But having heard numerous times and also seen how she has to take the tablet in front of everyone at the dinner table so she can bring it up again (it seems) etc I'm starting to get a bit irritated! Perhaps irritated is actually too strong a word, slightly irked maybe?

Perhaps it's just because everyone is different. My dad is also type 1 and never mentions it, my grandad had cancer and never once complained. I guess neither is right or wrong, just different. I prefer not to talk about it because I don't want attention drawn to it.

Cantsleep it's probably more difficult for you than her at the moment xxx

((Heres a hug for anyone feeling like crap)) Have just had a read of this post and basically I think its just so horrible having any kind of condition, illness or pain, it makes people feel blughhh . Its good to be brave and not burden other people with tales of woe, but sometimes its therapeutic to have a bloody good 'moan and a wallow'.

Anything to survive in this life

still - I'm sorry. Yes, that does sound fucking annoying. And you're not wrong to be more than a bit irritated.

I think I am out of order - I don't disagree with you it's crap people do not properly acknowledge the impact of long-term illnesses. I'm sorry if I came across as arsey.

Reason I do it is because I wonder if it's not part of the same thing. People like you who are coping well enough that people don't even second-guess manners enough to think it might (!) be rude to mention their illness to you are likely the same people who would always be like that. While the people who really need to seek help will still always need lots of reminders that they must seek help.