To have screamed hysterically?

[mollysmum82]

I've just completely freaked myself out and my family out. I was getting a pillow case out of the airing cupboard and the doors slammed shut behind me. For some reason I instantly became convinced I was locked in this tiny pitch black room and I screamed my lungs off horrifically until dh let me out. I cried uncontrollabley for ages afterwards (as did my poor kids). I'm still shaking like a leaf. I'm normally quite a calm person!

Now I keep visualising a cupboard under the stairs in my own childhood house and I'm convincing myself I used to be locked in it as a young child. Is it possible I could have blocked it out all these years? Could it just be something I saw on telly as a kid? Or am I completely overreacting?

Oh molly! I am in no position to tell if you have 'caused' any 'damage'.

However I do think that you ought to put your own business behind you after a nasty shock, and focus on making sure your kids understand what happened and make sure they are at ease.

I hope I don't sound like I am judging!

Molly, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in this position but one thing that strikes me from reading your posts is that your mother passed recently. I've been told by a dear friend (who went through the experiences that you are suspecting) that it's common for flashbacks to occur / memories to resurface shortly after the death of a parent/abuser.

Just reading through this thread now....mollysmum I hope you are okay. Your posts are really sad and upsetting, and no child should have to go through the threat of boiling water poured over them or your mother refusing to wash your underwear after your period etc. this seems like deliberate humiation to me.

I sincerely hope you get the help and closure you need to face these memories and move on.

I know it's against some stupid unwritten MN rules, but I don't care - sending you hugs now. We're all here for you if you want to talk.

If your suffering with depression, anxiety and low self esteem then that kinda changes things, maybe you should go have some therapy. If you had a broken leg you would not just leave it...

Therapy is really hard but also brilliant, I've had loads! It's better than suffering without help.