WWYD? Wedding related but nowhere near as exciting as Tidydancer's scenario

[ilikecooking]

DH & I married 10 years.

DH hasn't heard from his best man for 3 or 4 years despite living within 10 miles of us.

DH gets a call out of the blue from our best man's best man - turns out he's getting married & wants DH at the stag-do.

DH agrees, says he's looking forward to catching up. No monies exchanged - DH is told all info will be given nearer the time of the stag-do.

TODAY is stag-do day. DH is at home because he didn't receive any further info. It wasn't followed through despite DH's attempt to make contact with best man & groom.

DH is disappointed. I feel disappointed for him.

I'm in a pickle - we RSVP'd the wedding invite at the same time of accepting the stag-do invite, saying we'd love to join in with their wedding celebrations.

DH & I both now feel it is inappropriate to attend. He feels unwanted & rejected. He tried to make good the friendship he originally had with his best man.

My issue is: I don't want the wedding party to be out of pocket for our meal & think it is only fair that we warn them we will not be attending. DH & I will look bad if we do a no-show. On the other hand, I am thinking we don't turn up but if we ever get questioned about it, can say I was suddenly taken ill. (Not rare in my case!)

Note: Invite came with "Cash as a present please" poem

WWYD?

[PeriodFeatures]

good for you Glaikit I hope you remembered to make a wish when you chucked it into the well.

[Hissy]

Maybe the wedding's OFF?

Don't attend and merely state that you didn't like to pry, but clearly not having any info on the stag night, and not replying to messages, you assumed that something had happened, and the wedding was no longer taking place.

[MintyChops]

Cash-grabbing wankers! Loathe the poem, ugh. Agree, try to get in touch again to see if stag is on and take it from there. If no contact from them I'd feel like pulling out (huffy) but then again, once you have RSVP'ed to say yes, I feel you are stuck with going.

If only to take a dump in their wishing well.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

If you have everything,
Why do you need money?
I am finding this all
A little bit funny.

One of the joys of a wedding
Is that
You get too many toasters
And a load of all tat.

So I've bought you something
You'll neither want nor need
I am tired of your
Excessive greed.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

A tomato peeler
And a square egg press
And a packet of seeds
To grow mustard and cress.

[TidyDancer]

Oh! I got name checked in a thread title!

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

OP I like the idea of giving them the benefit of the doubt. Just in case. And also, if they really are that twattish, it might be fun to see them squirm. I'm and on your DH's behalf.

[cerealqueen]

Ring up the wedding venue to see if it is still on? or is that too weird?
If it is on, just say you are not coming now, no need to give an excuse after such behaviour from them.

The poem is awful. I'm slowly realising that the more money some people have, the meaner they are.

[MalcolmTuckersMum]

MrsSchadenfreude - That is sheer unadulterated genius!!

[StickyProblem]

Love that MrsSF! Here is my far weaker effort:

We're happy you are to be
Husband and wife
But we need our money
To pay for OUR life.

Childcare, a hotel, a fancy new dress
Your wedding has cost us a bomb, what a stress.

Your request for cash payment
Set us off ranting -
Just be grateful we're coming
To get pissed and do dancing.

[chateauferret]

Your touting for money make you
Look like twats. Are you maybe on glue?
Your invite's alright
But your poetry's shite.
The reply it demands is "F* you!"

HTH

[LookMaw]

That poem. Fucking hell. If I ever got that with a wedding invite I don't think I could bite my tongue.

probably why I don't have many friends

[HooverFairy]

OP, I'd send a really, overly-concerned/worried text or email asking if everything was ok. Then stand back and watch them squirm.

I doubt very much that anything massive has happened, I bet it's just that the stag and his best man only want the 'buddies' there. I've watched this happen before and it's not nice. If the stag do went ahead then I think a note to say you won't be attending the wedding is the best way forward. That way you don't have to go and make the couple look popular by bumping up the numbers, and you get to stick to your principles by not responding to that god awful grabby poem.

I received an invitation with that poem on the back, I was a bridesmaid, I responded by not giving money. I wasn't allowed to go trick or treating on Halloween because it was seen as begging, this is no different. For my SIL we had no choice (DH didn't want aggro), the thank you card was just as tacky thanking us for 'your generous cash gift prize' followed by a few photos of their luxury honeymoon to a tropical island look what we could afford as a result of begging for money from our guests.

[SlightlyItchyBraStrap]

Thank you for your wedding invitation; we would be delighted to attend! Since we already have food at home, no meal will be required. We would rather have the £30 or whatever you are spending per head. We also don't need any wedding favours or fancy place settings. But we would love some money instead!
Can't wait to share your special day with you! Our bank details are below.

(Sorry not talented enough to do a poem)

[PeriodFeatures]

Come back op. Need to know what happened next!

[Pigsmummy]

Just send a note saying you can't go, most venues order in food a week before so they shouldn't be hit with the cost.

[diddl]

I'm amazed that anyone would accept an invitation that was accompanied by that poem!

If it's a couple of weeks away, send regrets.

It sounds as if the friendship has dwindled-unless the OPs husband is always contacting his friend & getting no reply?

[PaulSmenis]

I'm overjoyed to discover that I'm not the only person who gets annoyed by these poems that ask for cash. The wishing well ones are paticularly vomit inducing.

[TweedWasSoLastYear]

I know its late in the weekend ilikecooking, but cant you take him out for a pint and curry?
In my part of the world its a lovely day , not too hot and the breeze is keeping the temperature down to an acceptable level.
DP probably feels abit put out , up to you entirely

As for the wedding , I think I would bin it off tbh . No contact for 10 years is a long time and its not as if eitheer party emigrated is it

[Beastofburden]

More likely cockup than malice. Why bother to get in touch at all, if he wasnt welcome? you would never have known. Do some actual real life phoning up and get a human on the line.

Cash poem, OMG I am learning so much about modern weddings.

[AugustaProdworthy]

Your poor DH! How awful to be quietly uninvited. There's probably a good explanation such as the best man is badly organised and hasn't sorted things out properly. If yore not going to the wedding let them know as soon as you can in case she's doing the seating plan etc, she probably is completely unaware of the stag party invites. Just say you are sorry but you are no longer able to attend. I don't think you need to give a reason or a feigned illness. Hope it turns out ok.

[sophiedaal]

I can't read cutesy wedding cash requests without getting a strong mental image of Bob Geldof at Live Aid jabbing at the camera and bellowing, 'Just give us your fucking money!'

ilikecooking do you want to go to the wedding? Was it a falling-out, or a drifting-apart? If you want to pick up the friendship, then give them the benefit of the doubt about logistics (BM forgot to book a place for your DH, event changed, BM is actually terrible, etc) and go; if you feel this is sort of the reason you drifted apart in the first place, send an apologetic note and say you're no longer able to attend.

[cushtie335]

So you sent us an invite
That's really quite grabby
Forgive me and DH
But we're feeling quite stabby

The stag do's gone AWOL
We ain't heard from the groom
We won't be attending
When you jump the broom

So next week at your nuptials
We wont bother to come
Cos you're rude and ill mannered
And probably quite dumb

So take your wishing well
And your crappy rhyme
And shove it up your arse
Where the sun don't shine