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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what makes a wedding good?

75 replies

Whatmakesitgood · 01/08/2013 21:16

I was wondering what makes a wedding good for the guests?

This is prompted by a conversation with a friend about a wedding we'd both recently attended.

I thought it was shit. The whole thing was totally disjointed as the venue was too small for all the guests to be in the same room. Some were at the bar, some in the open plan bit and some outside.

No one told us when the buffet was served and I never saw desserts or the wedding cake being served but apparently they both were.

My friend enjoyed it because a big group of us, who don't get together very often, had a chance to catch up.

I can see their point as, from that perspective, I did enjoy it, it was just a shit wedding. I mean the bride and groom might as well have not been there for all we saw them.

What should a good wedding be like?

OP posts:
VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 01/08/2013 21:40

Asking the sort of guests who will be pleased to be there?

FryOneFatManic · 01/08/2013 21:40

justmyview Thu 01-Aug-13 21:22:41
When the guests appreciate how lucky they were to be invited to the bride and groom's special day instead of going online to advertise to all and sundry that it was "a shit wedding"

It's not the guests who should feel honoured, it's the bride and groom who should feel honoured that people want to share the day with them.

A good wedding is one where there is sufficient space for the number of people, where it is indeed possible to chat, even for a short while, to the bride and groom. And sufficient food, maybe a free bar, and no ridiculous timings that mean hours to kill between ceremony and reception.

Went to a family wedding once where the food was delayed for so long that my dad, who's diabetic, had to get up and leave to find something to eat. Bride got cross about this, but she was the one who'd faffed about and slowed things down by trying to change things last minute (really last minute). I told her straight that either dad ate something or he got ill there and then. Dad had even spoken to her beforehand to check timings so he could manage his food intake/insulin requirements properly and she mucked it all up.

Original poster
Whatmakesitgood · 01/08/2013 21:43

That's my point cococola none of our group, who all had to sit in one area due to lack of space, knew there even were deserts until we met up after the wedding (and that was only because someone saw them as they left). We saw the cake being cut but never saw it again.

I'm all for mixing with people you don't know, which is why, for me, one big room is essential, as, at this wedding, all the different factions grouped in different rooms/ areas and there wasn't any opportunity to mingle.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatmakesitgood · 01/08/2013 21:47

Thank you fryone. I'm glad it's not just me.

Just a quick point on my comment about buying my own drinks. I don't expect a free bar at all but I was trying to convey the fact that sitting with a grop of friends, all buying our own drinks and not being fed, could happen anywhere- it didn't make for a good wedding reception.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 01/08/2013 21:52

I'd have spent all fucking day talking to 400 guests and not had time to get married - thank fuck the OP wasnt one of them

JugglingFromHereToThere · 01/08/2013 21:53

We were invited to the evening do of a wedding - there was virtually no food for the evening guests, nowhere to sit, and a pay bar for drinks. Add to that I hardly knew anyone and it wasn't the best night ever.

Our wedding on the other hand was the best !

A good wedding is one where the guests are looked after and therefore happy.

Jan49 · 01/08/2013 21:56

Good food, well labelled so anyone with dietary preferences or needs knows what is suitable. No long gaps between parts of the day. Not having to buy your own drinks. I hate discos so I'd prefer one that didn't include a disco. No first dance. No wedding dance by the bridal party.

Jenijena · 01/08/2013 21:57

A couple who love each other and say the right words as they set off on a life together. End of.

Everything else - and I mean everything - is a nice to have. Though if I never have to pretend to be wowed by a unique flower arrangement/ menu/favour/chair cover I will be a happy lady.

Original poster
Whatmakesitgood · 01/08/2013 21:58

This wasnt 400 guests holly, it was less than 100.

OP posts:
fatlazymummy · 01/08/2013 21:59

Ceremony starts on time.
Not too many photos afterwards
Plenty to eat and drink. If not a free bar then at least it should be reasonably priced.
Short speeches
Good music / dj, and guests who want to enjoy themselves.

WineNot · 01/08/2013 22:07

A nice little poem to ask for cash in with the invitation Wink

McNewPants2013 · 01/08/2013 22:08

My wedding was amazing, people has said so.

I didn't have anything fancy. No favours, no table decs, no set speeches, no bridesmaids, no photographer, no fancy cars.

The invites said, DP and I invite you to celebrate our wedding day. We only invited people who we see regular.

My wedding was gate crashed :)

If any one felt disappointed by my wedding then I would say they didn't know me.

Original poster
Whatmakesitgood · 01/08/2013 22:13

Not even a poem with this one winenot just a blatant request for cash.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 01/08/2013 22:19

The best wedding I ever went to was in a beautiful location, the speeches were entertaining (the groom sobbed Grin) the people on the same table as me were really lovely, in fact all the guests were lovely. The funniest bit was the dancing. Everybody got up on the dance floor, and boogied, as though it was compulsory. It was a bit like you see on TV, non of the sitting around at the edges with only a few drunkards strutting their stuff. But then the dancing was before the meal, and the official photo's were taken before the ceremony. It was on odd order, but it worked. the bride has very good taste and well off parents, which I think helped. Grin

The worst wedding reception was in a dull dining room of a college building, the food was rubbish (some guests sneaked out to McDonalds) and there were no nice touches. The bride and groom seemed happy though, so that's all that really matters. Smile (But they didn't last long together afterwards Hmm)

A paying bar doesn't bother me, TBH.

BOF · 01/08/2013 22:21

One MNer (in Ireland, I think) had her wedding gate rashes by Bill Clinton Shock. I bet that was a memorable wedding.

The best wedding I've ever been to was Reality's. But I'd expect nothing less from an MNer.

BOF · 01/08/2013 22:23

gatecrashed , sorry.

But I imagine he might well have given someone a rash.

Amibambini · 02/08/2013 00:29

I photograph weddings for a living, so have witnessed the whole spectrum, from high end stately home debauchery to 6 people in an inner city registry office.

The commonality all the great ones share is love, love between the B&G, and love between the guests and the couple. The couple show their love and appreciation for the guests by putting on a kick arse party where good food, abundant booze, entertainment (dancing usually but people can be remarkably creative in this department), and a comfortable space for everyone to enjoy together.

That's it. No one really gives a toss about the table arrangements, or the car the bride arrived in. Of course it's nice to be in a pretty place, but I've been in some remarkable locations full of bored and tetchy guests because the couple are selfish bores, the food is crap and the only booze is expensive.

Whatever you do, don't splurge on the location and dress and skimp on food and booze. All your guests will really resent you, and they will vent to the photographer!

Also, in my experience, the couples with the attitude of 'It's my wedding, my guests should be honoured to be invited..', they have shit weddings with bored and resentful guests.

Amibambini · 02/08/2013 00:40

Oh and to clarify, good food doesn't have to be fancy pants finery. Good just means tasty and abundant. I've seen curry buffets, bbq's, vegetarian picnic, totally random pot luck in a community hall, a long table in a local Italian, home made Korean feast, all go down just as appreciatively as the fainest fain daining the most expensive caterer can sting you for.

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/08/2013 00:42

The B&G should feel honored that you attended?

Fuck that! A wedding that isnt yours is not about you. You don't have to go for it to happen. If that's how you feel just decline the invitation.

I wish I hadn't read this. Does anyone have any brain bleach?

IneedAyoniNickname · 02/08/2013 01:03

I recently attended my oldest friends wedding. It took us 6 hours from door to door, but I don't begrudge her a minute of that time.

Some bits of the wedding were so showy and cheesy that it would have been cringy if it weren't for the fact that that is so 'her'

However, one of the best things, which I have never come across before, was the childrens snack packs we were given on arrival at the reception venue. Just a carton of juice, packet of raisins, iced gems and.crisps IIRC. However, like most weddings I've attended, the service was at lunch time, with the meal being at 3-4pm which I always find a pain when dc are there, as they are always starving but there's never a convenient time to feed them.

Other than that,
Good food, good company, and a bridal couple who are clearly in love. Plus 'things' that just suit the couple.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 02/08/2013 01:21

IMO

A good wedding should be a celebration of the couple formalising their relationship. So for me this means that there should be a formal element and also a celebration.

It isnt simply an excuse for a party.

A wedding should match the couple. I dont like the Hello magazine/fairytale features which have crept into weddings. The clothes, the venue, the food should all reflect the best of the couple not some sort of fantasy. If you dont live in a castle why marry in one? Why dress up in fancy dress if this doesnt reflect who you are? It is a wedding not a photo shoot.

Guests should feel honoured to be invited but also the B&G should feel honoured that their guests want to come. It is a two way street. Courtesy all round should be the order of the day.

Key features for me are:

  • good communication before and during the event so that people can plan ahead and also know what is going on and when.
  • consideration of the comfort of guests
  • cohesion in the event. It is a wedding not just another party.

The wedding industry has grown and grown. So many businesses have a vested interest in convincing the couple that they need this or that or the other to make their day perfect. Anything less than a 24 confetti canon salute and wedding rings made of kryptonite implies a lack of commitment.

Sorry for the essay. A colleague is getting married so I have been living with wedding preparations for months!

morethanpotatoprints · 02/08/2013 01:22

A loving Bride and Groom
No frills, no expense, no expectations.
Guests just happy to be there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/08/2013 01:29

I have had two fucking awesome weddings and used to date a wedding DJ so have been to lots. IMO a good wedding is one where people are happy. That starts with a really happy bride and groom, happy parents of the bride and groom and happy wedding party. It's infectious and wonderful.

Also, don't try too hard. Most people like nice food and lots of it, decent but not fabulous booze and lots of it and a disco that gradually descends from good music to Tiger Feet and Come on Eileen. No one is there to be impressed. They are there to happily celebrate your life together.

OhDearNigel · 02/08/2013 01:30

I've worked in hospitality for the best part of 20 years and have run more weddings than i care to think about. There have been some shit ones but the really lovely ones shared these features:

  1. Relaxed and chilled bride and groom who realise that guests come for a wedding, not a table decoration inspection
  2. Decent amount of food provided - whether you're providng cheese sarnies and crisps or caviar & foie gras, make sure there is enough for everyone
  3. Photographer captures the day rather than taking it over
  4. A good toastmaster/best man to keep things running smoothly
Original poster
Whatmakesitgood · 02/08/2013 07:53

dione' I didn't say the bride and groom should have been honoured that I attended.

My point was a general one that couples should be grateful people want to give up their time, spend lots of money on presents, outfits, travel, drinks etc in order to celebrate with them. It should not be the case that the B&G think that people should be honoured just to be invited.

I don't hold with the 'it's my wedding day so I can do exactly as I please' mentality. As others have said, I think those couples who have this attitude and who believe the guests should be honoured to be invited, tend to have weddings that are remembered for all the wrong reasons.

You are right when you say that the guests don't need to be there for the wedding to happen, which is why IMO, if you ask them to attend, I think you should look after them and that includes choosing a venue big enough to accommodate the number of guests you invite and telling people when the food is served.

OP posts:
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