To wonder what makes a wedding good?

[Whatmakesitgood]

I was wondering what makes a wedding good for the guests?

This is prompted by a conversation with a friend about a wedding we'd both recently attended.

I thought it was shit. The whole thing was totally disjointed as the venue was too small for all the guests to be in the same room. Some were at the bar, some in the open plan bit and some outside.

No one told us when the buffet was served and I never saw desserts or the wedding cake being served but apparently they both were.

My friend enjoyed it because a big group of us, who don't get together very often, had a chance to catch up.

I can see their point as, from that perspective, I did enjoy it, it was just a shit wedding. I mean the bride and groom might as well have not been there for all we saw them.

What should a good wedding be like?

[Twattybollocks]

A bride and groom who are relaxed and happy with each other. No inter family politics or bickering. Nice food, nice venue, plenty of seating, no strict rules about who is doing what where and when, everyone kept informed about what is happening where and when, bar and a good dj. Entertainment for kids should you be accommodating them.

[ENormaSnob]

A bar that doesn't require a second mortgage to get a round in.

[Mia4]

I think (reading the threads) that actually both the couple and the guests should feel honoured and chuffed. The Bride and Groom because they're loved enough for their guests to give up time, spend money and genuinely want to support them and celebrate. And the guest for the exact same reason- they're asked because the couple care for them and want them attending, want to share the celebrating with them, they've had meals paid for, an amount of drinks.

Of course I'm going by the wedding's I've gone to where people ivited are only good friends or family-not randoms to make up numbers of get pressies.

OP i don't think you can call it a shit wedding, since you say you enjoyed it-sounds more like it was disorganised and not running properly. In one respect they obviously had the venue they loved and could afford and wanted you to come so much they found space. On the other you could say, maybe they could have found bigger or been more organised.

But you may find that it was someone's duty to do the toastmaster job.' I know my friend was begged by another to be toastmaster but due to her being a lush at occasions like that my friend asked her brother-who is teetotal and had also offered to save them money. It's possible this couple had someone to do this, thought they were and they were a let down.

For me, what makes a good wedding is:

a) Closeness to the groom/bride- I've been as a plus one to someone i don't really knows wedding and while it was a good affair i think that closeness and wanting to watch them makes it a great one
b) Relaxed atmosphere- no one shouting 'go here, go there, no you can't go to the bathroom speeches are in ten minutes'
c) Well organised, people ushered to seat, table plan on easy view, short speeches etc
d) Some food and drink
e) No fighting - i once attended a wedding where the cousin got so drunk he actually had a physical fight with his friend who was trying to get him to go home! They rolled around the dace floor and the couple were so upset.

I think any budget can encompass those things and even the smallest venue with separate eating rooms with organisation could be the same as one main room- as my wedding planner friend says when sitting at a dinner table it doesn't matter what room you are in or all in one room because most of the guests only speaks to those on their table. Mingling happens during the after ceremony drinks and after the meal.

[Pigletssmallerfriend]

I haven't been to many Weddings but I have enjoyed them all, the only thing I can remember that was negative was queuing for ages at the bar only to be told when I finally got served sorry we've been told to close the bar now so that all the guests watch the first dance. I was happy to watch the first dance but would've been much happier watching it with my drink I?d waited half an hour for that I was then told I couldn't have! It was a paying bar so the rush wasn't because it was free booze!

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Bride and groom who look besotted with each other and where you believe the marriage will last forever
Food and drink provided regularly (don't care if I have to pay for drinks as long as I can get them).
On a hot day enough water easily available to prevent sunstroke.
Being warned of anything unusual about the day so I can plan ahead (eg if the nice 5 minute walk between the church and venue is actually up and down a hill so steep I need mountain climbing equipment then I prefer to not be wearing my highest shoes!)

All this makes a wedding good.

To make it great then there needs to be other guests I know that I can have a lovely time with.

Really great needs intermingling of guests and a proper party atmosphere.

And to be "perfect, just perfect" then I start thinking about the venue, dresses, decorations etc.

But if I'm hungry and thirsty then it doesn't matter how perfect the view is, I'll still be fed up!

[Mimishimi]

The best weddings I've been to are the relaxed sort of ones where everyone has a chuckle at the ringbearer bolting back down the aisle, kids are playing and happy at reception (both experiencing this as a kid and as an adult, good music and dancing. Fun basically. Food at the reception doesn't have to be great, one really good one I went to they just had a barbecue by a lake because they couldn't afford (or didn't want to waste all that money) on a venue/gourmet food. The worst ones have been the stiff, formal sorts of ones where the newlyweds have obsessed over every detail to such a degree that they can't relax and enjoy, that feeling always seems to permeate through all the attendees.

[itchyandscratchy26]

Table plans and friend groups- know your guests!
I made sure that I took great care with the table plans at the reception. I wanted to ensure people/couples/families/singles all sat with others that they already knew or got on well with.
People still talk about our wedding 3 years down the line. and how much fun they had.
For me this stemmed from a horrid experience in my mid 20s when single. I went with my parents to the wedding of childhood family friends. Parents were sat with folks they knew, and I was plonked on a table with a load of random people in their 20s that I'd never met. I still have the mental scars, and made an escape to sit with my own parents as soon as main course was done.

[EvieanneVolvic]

I don't have hugely strong views on this, (but I'm interested because DD is getting married soon) though I guess atmosphere is key but Holly

I'd have spent all fucking day talking to 400 guests and not had time to get married - thank fuck the OP wasnt one of them

Are you frigging kidding me??? If thias is seriously your attitude and you honestly had 400 guests for chrissake don't invite me to the next one!

[farthingwood]

God this scares me, I'm just going to nip into an r.office have a coffee with new DH and maybe have a back yard bbq afterwards to celebrate with friends all these rules and expectations from others sounds terrifying!!

[cushtie335]

Most of the weddings I've attended have been very good but the two that stick in my mind for the WRONG reasons are when fights broke out between the guests, because of long standing family animosity.

[Capitola]

We went to a lovely wedding a couple of weeks ago. Lots of nice things about it -

There was no hanging around while 10 million photos were taken, food was fantastic, evening food was staff bringing around things like individual cones of fish and chips, mini sausage & mash - so much better than a dodgy buffet, there was a live band and a free bar all day!

I was all very relaxed and enjoyable.

[DoctorRobert]

The main thing imo is to not be left too long waiting for food.

Oh and the speeches should be kept to a reasonable length. I went to a wedding where they went on for about 2 hours. There were 2 best men each with a speech, and some kind of weird homage to the bride that included about 30 mins of audio from various friends, colleagues etc. Totally insufferable.

[bragmatic]

Good food, good wine, good music, and not being seated with a bunch of gits you don't know.

Oh, and short speeches.

[Mimishimi]

The shame of my DH's public speaking life is the terribly short best man's speech (literally a sentence- had told me off for telling him to rehearse one the week before- saying he was going to make something up on the spot) he made for his brother. Got massive stage-fright.Judging by all these posts about long speeches though, maybe it was for the best! I should show him this thread, it will cheer him up about it tremendously

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Drink. And lots of it.

[maninawomansworld]

Good food

Good beer / wine not too stupidly expensive

Catching up with friends you might not have seen for a while.

Please do NOT do this wanky modern thing of 'mixing people up' to encourage them to chat. When you go to a wedding you want to spend time with your FRIENDS not make chit chat with twats you'll probably never see again while a couple of your best mates are stuck on separate tables. We went to one of these last year....made my blood boil.

[FryOneFatManic]

The weddings that really stick out in my mind as being good had pretty much the things people here reckon are the key. Good food, no long speeches, no enforced "mingling" with people you don't know, photos didn't take hours meaning people standing around fed up, etc.

The 2 weddings that stick in my mind for the wrong reasons are one where fights broke out in the groom's family, and the second was where the bride got so het up about absolutely everything being perfect that she flapped around delaying things until everything was just so. In particular she was fussing about with the favours on the tables. The food ended up coming out spoiled and the atmosphere was tense. I was sorry for her because she'd so obviously built it up as having to be so perfect in her mind that she just couldn't she that if she relaxed she'd have had a better time.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Good food.

Not hanging around for hours with no where to sit whilst photos are being taken.

Not being mixed up with people I don't know. I want to catch up with my friend, some I might not have seen for ages. Not be forced to make small talk to people I don't know and will never see again.

I would never expect a free bar.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

You say you wouldn't expect a free bar Pobble but if you're only invited to the evening "do" and then there's no food or drink offered apart from buy your own drinks to me it can feel a bit like you've just gone to the pub for the evening ! (Call me harsh !)

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I still wouldn't expect free drinks at an evening do. I'd expect food though. Or at least if there wasn't going to be any food I'd hope the B&G would specify this so you'd know to eat beforehand.

[MerylStrop]

considerate food provision
speeches delivered with gusto
plenty of booze
no plus ones
not too flash
relaxed and happy bride and groom who are hosts
dancing

[CharlotteBronteSaurus]

not too long milling around during photos
not too long without refreshments at any point - I don't mean a free bar, just the opportunity to sit down and have an orange juice

thoughtful table placement - give people a chance to talk to those they know, rather than enforcing mingling

either child-free, or a reasonable degree of thought given to making it easier for those with DC

and I recently went to and evening do where a mountain of bacon butties was produced at the end of the night (although the brisde is vegetarian), which is exactly what you want after a bellyful of wine.

[LaRegina]

Without wanting to sound boasty ... there have been loads of weddings amongst our groups of friends over the last 10/15 years or so. But whenever there's a get-together everybody talks about how fantastic mine & DH's was

Without outing myself with details, basically you could summarise by saying that ours was probably the least organised of anybody's!

We didn't have a wedding list and didn't ask for anything at all other than people show up . We were happy for children/whoever to attend. People could wear what they like. The informal 'reception' was held at a venue where there was a choice of food on the menu. The party that carried on afterwards was also very informal and everybody just danced, drank or sat around doing whatever they felt like.

Neither families were into formal speeches so they weren't planned, but happened anyway in the event after a few drinks.

To be honest, I've just never liked formal weddings, so we didn't plan one. And for some reason that seems to have made it more memorable and more enjoyable for the guests as well as us.

[MadBusLady]

Timing of the food and drink is the thing. If the food isn't going to be for a couple of hours after the start time then a drink - even a soft drink, or at least iced water - should be on offer right from the start, as should places to sit while the milling around and photos are going on.

Also, whether you go for service or a buffet, do have tables! There seemed to be a spate of very cool weddings I went to where tables were considered stuffy and it was far more "relaxed" to eat while lolling in a garden. I do not find it relaxing to sit on a hay bale and juggle a paper plate full of sticky BBQ food, drink and cutlery while trying to socialise with people I hardly know.

[forehead]

The best wedding i attended was a Nigerian wedding. Beautiful outfits,
lots of food and copious amounts of FREE booze...