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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be able to stop thinking about this disgusting status?

92 replies

vinisque · 01/08/2013 18:57

A friend on Facebook (now deleted) wrote an unbelieveably offensive status yesterday evening. All my friends on Facebook are real friends who I believe are decent people so I was shocked and enraged at this.

"Fucking slag at co-op wouldn't serve me because I didn't have id... I hope she saves up all summer for a holiday with the girls and gets the shit raped out of her by the locals. Bitch."

It made me so angry I felt sick. I commented on the status saying "what a disgusting thing to wish on someone". Then I immediately deleted him. I'm annoyed at myself for deleting him because I can't see a reply or see if the status has been deleted. To be honest I feel like he's gotten away with it and I should have told him what a complete piece of shit he is. I can't stop thinking about it, what should I do?

OP posts:
flatpackhamster · 01/08/2013 23:27

sorrelthemop

Just look around you. We're rapidly heading back towards the 70s in terms of attitudes towards women.

What rot. Who nowadays denies a woman's right to a job? How many claim a woman is only fit to run a household? Who states that a woman's isn't capable of holding any job she chooses? Who nowadays would claim a woman couldn't be PM?

They did in the 1970s.

kali110 · 01/08/2013 23:29

Just another bandwagon to jump on. Last year it was page 3 and now its porn. I personally have no problem woth women getting their boibs out for money. Its their life, their choice.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2013 23:33

Umm flatpack, Margaret Thatcher was PM from May 1979, so that was in the 70s.

I don't remember people thinking women were only fit to run a household then, either.

Are you thinking of the 50s?

sorrelthemop · 02/08/2013 00:24

No, these days we have it far easier. We get to go out to work to support our families and pay for the family home and we get to do most of the housework too Hmm

There's currently a poster on one of the other boards whos husband is blaming her for the failure of their relationship because she's dared to put on a bit of pregnancy weight and poor hubby expects better than that Hmm

Yes we've come so far haven't we? Don't make me laugh, we're no further forward.

AmandaHoldenmigroin · 02/08/2013 02:37

Are you sure this person hasn't been spammed?

thebody · 02/08/2013 06:08

yes if it's out of character for him then check he actually did write this.

it's very easy to write a status in someone else's page.

BadLad · 02/08/2013 06:47

Who nowadays would claim a woman couldn't be PM?

They did in the 1970s

Sorrelmop, you refuted this with the fact that:

Umm flatpack, Margaret Thatcher was PM from May 1979, so that was in the 70s.

She herself said that there was no chance of a woman being PM in her lifetime in 1973.

Fallout1977 · 02/08/2013 08:17

Totally agree with sorrelthemop. I've been saying the same for years!

Tabby1963 · 02/08/2013 08:37

If it is out of character, are you sure he hasn't been fraped by one of his mates?

BadLad · 02/08/2013 09:06

Oops, I mean, ImperialBlether

Ogg · 02/08/2013 09:13

In any sort of repressive or controlling society it's inevitably women who are repressed and controlled. Be careful what you wish for.

Original poster
vinisque · 02/08/2013 11:27

It wasn't out of character, not that I would expect a status like this but sadly I can't say I'm that suprised. He's big on the "why do girls do this why do girls do that?" Shitty statuses. Where he pretty much slags women off in general, I should have deleted him ages ago. He is a bit of a twat.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 02/08/2013 11:36

Agree with you flatpackhamster. I know loads of people who have watched porn at some point in their lives and have not turned in to vile pigs.

kali110 · 02/08/2013 12:09

Op id deleted him. Sounds like a knob.he gives bad name for blokes. Probably thought he was big hard man and would impress his mates instead looks like a moron.

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 12:13

Those of you who don't see porn as a problem in relation to rape and misogyny, go and have a look at a site like RedTube - free, widely accessed porn. There are multiple videos on this site the showing women being hit, spat on and choked during sex. In fact there is a whole 'category' of free videos on this site for people who enjoy watching the abuse of women. This is not some little obscure site where you have to give credit card details to access - this is a very popular free porn site which any teenage boy can access.

I looked once out of curiosity after someone mentioned the site on mumsnet and now I can't get the images out of my head. I'm glad I know that this vile stuff exists - it has made me think about protecting my sons and my daughter from it. I shake at the thought that my two little boys will grow up and look at rape porn, or that my dd might have a relationship with a man who enjoys it.....

Excessively violent, rape-fuelled fantasy has become mainstream in porn now - just remember that when you're waving your libertarian flag. And hope your children don't end up in a relationship with someone who has spent years wanking to images of women being hit and choked. Sad

OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 12:52

That's is a seriously unhinged status, sounds like they are out for shock value too.

flatpackhamster · 02/08/2013 13:06

Minifingers

Those of you who don't see porn as a problem in relation to rape and misogyny, go and have a look at a site like RedTube - free, widely accessed porn. There are multiple videos on this site the showing women being hit, spat on and choked during sex. In fact there is a whole 'category' of free videos on this site for people who enjoy watching the abuse of women. This is not some little obscure site where you have to give credit card details to access - this is a very popular free porn site which any teenage boy can access.

Well, I'm sure you can show me good, reliable evidence indicating a direct link between rape and porn. There ought to be a clear statistical link between rising rates of rape in the UK and access to pornography. As porn has become more commonplace, rape must be increasing. I can't find any such stats but you must know of them?

I looked once out of curiosity after someone mentioned the site on mumsnet and now I can't get the images out of my head.

Interesting. I've seen Redtube and I can get it out of my head. Have you often had these problems with viewing adult content and not being able to forget it?

I'm glad I know that this vile stuff exists - it has made me think about protecting my sons and my daughter from it. I shake at the thought that my two little boys will grow up and look at rape porn, or that my dd might have a relationship with a man who enjoys it.....

I'm glad that you know it exists too, and that you are planning to do something about it. Content filtering is an obvious action and something any responsible parent would do.

Excessively violent, rape-fuelled fantasy has become mainstream in porn now - just remember that when you're waving your libertarian flag.

No it hasn't. It remains a niche interest, as a casual glance at the number of videos for each category would indicate to you.

And hope your children don't end up in a relationship with someone who has spent years wanking to images of women being hit and choked.

"Act now to ban X, lest your children become victims!"

The cry of the tyrant through the generations.

nkf · 02/08/2013 13:08

What a disgusting human being he sounds. Well and truly dumped.

kali110 · 02/08/2013 15:18

What about non offensive porn?porn used to spice up a couples livelife? That is also wrong. Def not saying that that redtube site isnt offensive and i dont even want to look but the women agreed and im sure some women get kicks out of it. Im just wondering why women who eat h it dont get mentioned, only men?
Im sick of hearing porn is reason loads of men rape. How about a load of men rape cz theyre sick and twisted and nothing to do with the porn industry. Not all men rape and absuse because of porn.i know a lot who think its wrong and who warch porn.

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 15:18

Flat pack - you sound angry and defensive.

By your reasoning child porn would be ok, as long as children weren't used in the making of it (such as in Hentai) Because watching people having sex with children won't desensitise us as a society to this sort of exploitation or encourage people to want to act out their fantasies?

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 15:21

And maybe you can watch women being brutalised and forget about it because you've become desensitised to it, as have many people who use porn.

Scrounger · 02/08/2013 16:17

Minifingers, I don't see your trail of logic in accusing Flatpack of agreeing to child porn if no children were used in it.

Scrounger · 02/08/2013 16:24

OP, well done. I cannot understand why people are like this, just so angry at everyone or at the slightest hold up. I find the abusive sexual violence in his, and a lot of peoples, language depressing.

PomBearArmy · 02/08/2013 16:28

Trigger warning, don't read if you don't want to read violent sex details

My ex brought porn into our relationship but I was horrified by some of these sites. Another major and very popular site shows videos of rape. I saw one. A teenage girl, possibly underage, lying on a mattress while several men had sex with her, the title said it was 'real rape' and the comments were from morons saying stuff like 'my girl would love to get raped like that'. It was awful.

And how can you know that every woman in amateur porn chose to do it and is getting paid? In any amateur video you don't know what happened beforehand, you don't know if someone was threatened or coerced, or if you are watching rape - and just don't care to think about it because your impending orgasm is all-important. In the time I was watching porn sites with my BF I didn't see many women look remotely enthusiastic, several did what they were supposed to do, but they looked anxious and unwilling.

In fact the last video I ever watched was a middle aged woman lying on a table with lots of men having sex with her. In her interview beforehand she was brazening it out, but when it was happening she looked upset and afraid and totally overwhelmed. And going by the 'directors' comments, that made it even better.

Oh, and there was another gangbang video (my ex's favourite if you've noticed the theme) of a teenage girl who started crying in pain. A woman appeared, laughing and encouraging her to carry on, like she would be letting her down if she stopped and it was no big deal, and she had to continue to lie there wincing while men had very rough sex with her - like they wanted to see how much she could take and if they could make her cry again.

But people have happy orgasm associations with porn, so who cares how many women get raped?

Fallout1977 · 02/08/2013 16:38

I know of a bloke who gets off on 'pretend' raping his wife (fully consensual on both sides) and although I actually suggested it I never tried it myself as I don't fancy it at all. But he was asking for ideas on how to spice it up and I had heard of some couples who did it, tbh I didn't think he would go for it especially not his wife either but they love it.
I will try most things once but deffo not that.