Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DH

30 replies

ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 12:34

I have an 8 week old ds and 4.5 yo DD.
Iv got a nasty virus and have stayed in bed thismorning, I have gotton up to feed ds but with a high temp, off stomach and sore throat I really haven't had the energy to get dressed.
Dh has decided to invite his friend round without telling me, I'm still sat here in my pjs (lazy cow) feeling utterly rough and would prefer if he asked hos friend to come another day or at least let me know he's coming.

Aibu to be miffed? He said I should be grateful he's been up with the kids, which I am but does that mean I should have to entertain guests while sick? Surely he realises they're his children too!

OP posts:
EllesAngel · 01/08/2013 12:36

Go back to bed and leave him and his mate to entertain the dc.

livinginwonderland · 01/08/2013 12:36

Stay in bed and leave him with the kids.

badguider · 01/08/2013 12:37

Go back to bed, your DHs mate can help him look after both children. Tell him to bring you the baby only when s/he needs fed.

BuntyPenfold · 01/08/2013 12:38

Go back to bed and leave him to it. He is the selfish one, not you.
Hope you feel better soon Flowers

YouTheCat · 01/08/2013 12:39

Back to bed with you. He can be a parent.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/08/2013 12:41

Why the hell should you be grateful he looks after his children? Does he tell you how grateful he is when you do?

It is simply EXPECTED that a parent will care for their offspring.

Its also expected that when one parent is ill, the other parent will ensure the childrens needs are met.

Its called being a team.

If he thinks you must be grateful, its cos he thinks he's doing you a huge favour.

He's not.

Tee2072 · 01/08/2013 12:51

Hand over the children and go back to bed.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 01/08/2013 12:53

What everyone else said. Him and his mate can look after HIS CHILDREN while you rest.

If he dares call it "babysitting" I suggest booking yourself a week's retreat in a naice spa.

fluckered · 01/08/2013 12:54

just go back to bed!

firesidechat · 01/08/2013 12:54

Why on earth would you need to entertain your DHs friend? I would make the most of there being an extra pair of hands around to help with the children and take myself of to bed for a rest.

As others have already said they are his children too and since he's obviously not at work today he can look after them like most normal parents do.

specialsubject · 01/08/2013 12:56

as mentioned - go back to bed.

you gave birth two months ago, that's nothing in the scheme of recovery!

Original poster
ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 12:58

I tried to explain that while we're both off, we share the parenting equally but this usually consists of.. me being up alone all night with ds (feeds none stop but some of it is nappy changes and just general unsettled baby which Dh could help with but doesn't) followed by him taking our dd down for breakfast and I get maybe an hour so that's pretty much all the sleep I get. Once I'm up Dh thinks that I should just automatically take over and he usually goes out to see friends/gym/"wash his car"... There's always something he absolutely has to do. So I end up entertaining the kids all day then we have tea (which in all fairness we have been sharing the cooking but the dishes are mine regardless of who cooked) I do all the housework, I then bath both dcs and get dd ready for bed and do her story etc followed by a power nap if ds is sleeping then back onto the night feeding shift alone.
Dh normally goes out to work and I'm a SAHM but he had a small surgery over a month ago which he has well recovered from (at least enough to go the gym) but he isn't back at work for another 3 week's due to how his holidays fell.
I really feel like he thinks it should all still be my responsibility because he's on his 'holiday time'.. when do I get a break?

OP posts:
K8Middleton · 01/08/2013 12:59

He sounds like a cock.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 13:01

He actually can be a real cock at times k8middleton

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 01/08/2013 13:01

He sounds like a real prize. What are his redeeming qualities? Because I see none as of right now.

Dozer · 01/08/2013 13:02

You have bigger problems than the guest Sad

YouTheCat · 01/08/2013 13:02

When is your holiday time? Tell him it is not on. Make him look a twat in front of his friend.

Mabelface · 01/08/2013 13:03

What K8 said. Oh, and your last question about when do you get a break, ask him that. I'd also be telling him that you're his wife and the mother of his children, and you're not his mother, so get off your bloody arse and do your bloody share, you lazy shit (aimed at him)

Original poster
ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 13:03

He does work hard Tee2072 but I can't really think of any at the minute.. I can't wait until he's back at work!

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 01/08/2013 13:04

So he works hard for other people but not for you or your family?

Time for a chat, I think.

DaleyBump · 01/08/2013 13:08

Can I be the first one to say ltb?

Seriously though, you have to have a good long chat with him about his responsibilities.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 13:12

To be honest it has been something iv been considering..
I had dd before I had chance to really establish a career and I don't work at the minute, we really wanted a second child but I do feel as though what he contributes to the family and our relationship is just financial security at best and I feel horrible in.saying that but it's the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditsydoll · 01/08/2013 13:13

Sorry posted too early..
I just feel trapped (not by Dh but by my situation) I suppose I'm just frightened to be a single mum.
This is one of many things at the minute..
Maybe the straw that broke the camel's back.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 01/08/2013 13:19

I won't say LTB, because I think that's said too much around here.

I will say 'talk to the man'. TTTM. Grin

pianodoodle · 01/08/2013 13:54

Yes he is being a massive arse. Imagine saying you should be grateful for him minding his own children when you're not well.

Time to take him off holiday and have one yourself!

DH did take a bit longer than me to realise that when a baby arrives you're no longer "entitled" to read that book for three hours while the house falls down round your ears but he does get it now.

A big chat is needed and hopefully things get better but it does sound like you're getting to the end of your tether and I don't blame you :(