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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him go?

166 replies

Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 09:45

My sister wanted to take 5 year old ds camping with her husband in in a couple of weeks. She had the idea that as they are going for a week, ds could go with them for the first two nights while dp and I had a mini break somewhere closeby and then picked ds up on the third day.

At first I was a bit unsure as he's so young and hasn't been camping yet, although I'm sure he'd be well looked after. I also wasn't too sure what we actually wanted to do ourselves this month with regard to holidays as we've not long got back from a week away and dp and I have a hotel booked at the end of the month too for my birthday.

I think that my sister has run away with the idea a bit as she'd started telling ds how at camping they'd go to the beach, he could help set up the tent, how many sleeps away it is etc and now ds is all excited, even though I hadn't actually said definitely yes.

I told my sister I'd discuss it with dp as it would depend on him as he'd be doing the drive down there (3 hours) as I won't drive on motorway by myself.

Anyway here's where it gets a bit complicated, I spoke to dp about it last night and basically, he checked his work planner and he's on call the week that they're going camping so won't be available to drive us down there or for us to have a mini break, but he's only on call because his boss asked him to swap the week. He is also going to a beer festival the first night of the camping trip and his boss is letting him have the first night off call for a favour as dp swapped.

Potentially dp could say he can't now swap but, he doesn't want to upset his boss as he could lose favours in the future, he's getting the first night off call to go to beer festival which also then kills two birds with regards to free weekends for us, and, the opportunity has now come up of us getting a free holiday flat for the followng weekend, so if dp swaps his week back, we won't be able to do that.

Hope that all makes sense. So I suppose potentially ds could still go camping but it would mean I'd just be at home on my own all weekend, then we'd have a 3 hour drive just to pick him up and miss the opportunity of a free weekend away as a family the following week.

OP posts:
NUFC69 · 01/08/2013 13:17

I think the thing about this thread which has amazed me more than anthing else is the number of posters who will not drive on motorways!

I am a GM in my 60s and I have been driving since I was in my teens. I frequently come across women of my age who do not drive on motorways, but I had always thought that this was totally a generational thing. These are the women, by the way, who are suddenly restricted to their locality when their DHs die, because they never ever drove any further than their local shops when DHs were alive. I urge all of you who have problems with motorway driving to go and get some lessons, or at least drive more often when with your DPs so that you get used to it.

Lecture over!

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:18

Can I just say. I NEVER told my dsis or ds that he could go. She mentioned it ages ago and her idea was that dp and I could holiday somewhere closely on our own before picking him up. It was never planned as a Kong drive by either of us solely to pick ds up

I told dsis from the off that I wasn't sure because (a) he's a little young and (b) I didn't want to commit to anything due to not knowing our own holiday plans. I said I'd see.closer to the time. I also said I'd have to discuss it with dp as he'd be the one doing any driving.

I didn't know until yesterday dps work Rota or that he wanted to go to the holiday flat.

No I don't want, or feel able to do the drive. I know how long it would take.

Yes there are other options but they all seem a bit costly/time consuming just for two nights camping, as lovely as it may be.

I've told my dsis the situation and she said best to leave it then as they won't want to drive midweek and won't want to keep ds all week as they want some time to themselves too etc. She understands about motorways as she is the same as me.

I've told ds that he won't be able to go this time and why, he knows mummy doesn't go on the motorway (because in his words I don't know the way and have to take the shortcut), and he just shrugged and said 'well you'll have to take me camping but you'll need a tent' and is currently running around naked with an eye patch and telescope pretending to be a pirate so I don't think he's been scarred for life.

I haven't written off the idea entirely in my own mind and will discuss with dsis when I see her in person the possibility of me going too and perhaps getting a train back depending if she'd be up for dropping me at station (probably not though) or perhaps ds going another time as dsis and her husband go regularly just for weekends this village is like their second home.

OP posts:
ComposHat · 01/08/2013 13:22

See, on Google maps you tick a box that says...avoid motor ways and hay presto a route is produced that doesn't involve motorways.

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:25

Fgs I will say one more time. I DID NOT expect dp to drive 6 hours, the idea was that we would have gone on our jollies down south too. noone was ever expected to drive 3, 6, 10 or however many hours just to pick ds up

And by the way, dp has a brand new better, safer car, more economical car than me and I do all the town driving.

And I wish people would stop slagging me off for not liking the motorway, some people don't drive at all, some don't even have cars, it's life.

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:25

All these posts and all the woffle and fuss and it boils down to 'Tell him things have changed and he's not camping this weekend'
The consequence? He's a happy, nude pirate.
You need to get a grip OP, seriously.
All that flail and wail and an in-depth analysis of your dislike of motorways and your DP's work schedules. And your DS doesn't give a stuff.
Good to know that one member of the family has a sense of proportion at the moment.

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:28

Compos hat, I know that, I've done it, and the journey is 5 hours. That's 10 hours driving in one day.

How many of you would honestly drive 10 hours so that your child could have a camping trip when you were going away the very NEXT week.

if you all would then I hold my.hands up to being a crap parent

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:29

I'm sorry what waffle and fuss? I've simply being answering peoples questions.

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:30

I'm the only driver in my house, always have been. So I get to decide what I can and can't manage, and what the boundaries are.
If they don't like it, they make alternative arrangements.

Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:31

What waffle and fuss?
Grin
OK

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:32

I haven't given any in depth analysis of my dislike of motorways, I said I don't like motorways and people questioned me so I answered

You need to get a grip if you've been reading all my posts all morning when you think it's so petty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:34

Well if you don't like it you're more than welcome to sod off and stop replying

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:34

I'm missing my sister, she's a lot like you from the sound of it.
I'm planning a series of lesson blocks for the new term, and I need light relief in between the intensity.
So I have several windows open.

Alertmind · 01/08/2013 13:36

NUFC69 - I know someone who won't drive anywhere that involves roundabouts!

Not really sure what answers you were looking for here OP but there's really no need to go repeating yourself if you've made up your mind.

thebody · 01/08/2013 13:38

really annoys me when people post and tell or here's to 'get over' a fear!!

don't you bloody well think that the op wants to be afraid of motorway driving? of course she doesn't.

when you or your loved kids have been involved in a fatal crash then you can tell others to 'get over' it. until then respectfully Shut Up!

op you do what suits you as a family unit not to please your dsis.

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:41

I hadn't entirely made up my mind when I startwd thread.

And the only reason I've been repeating is because I've been responding/answering questions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:46

And if you're missing your sister why don't you go see her.

My dp is afraid of spiders, dragonflies, moths, so I'm the insect catcher in our house. Everyone has fears however illogical they may seem to others

OP posts:
craftynclothy · 01/08/2013 13:49

Firstly, I asked my previous question because it wasn't obvious that your dp couldn't just swap that one day of on-call work to pick him up. Secondly you OP says it's a 3 hour drive to pick him up then later you say that one way and on the motorway so would actually involve 10 hours of driving for you. That was quite confusing because it seemed to imply it was 1.5 hours away, thus you and your sister could each drive 45 mins to meet in the middle - not a lot for anyone. Saying 5 hours in one direction is a bit of a difference.

There seems to be various options.

  1. say no
  2. Go camping with them (then it's no longer a 10 hour journey but two 5 hour ones)
  3. Let him go camping and then do a 10 hour journey
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:51

I haven't mentioned motorways, or fears. Confused
So, the conclusion is that DS is not going camping, he's not bothered, your sister isn't upset and you will get time together as a family.
Everyone happy then?

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 13:55

Sorry, crafty no 3 hours one way on mway so 6 hours total as dp and I won't be staying down there.

5 on roads so 10 total.

My post about fears wasn't directed at you eyes now get back to your work Wink

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:55

OK

Fractions here I come.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 01/08/2013 15:42

Did I read right that you've just got back from a hOL abroad? If so can't you pretend you're not Infact Judith chalmers and give up the family weekend away fo your Ds can have a fun trip?

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 15:49

Yes we could not go but selfish buggers we are we want to take our child to Devon aswell, he will have fun with us too you know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 15:52

I just had to google Judith Chalmers, I guess we just like going on our jollies!

OP posts:
TheToysAreALIVEITellThee · 01/08/2013 16:01

Goodness me you are hard work, I didn't mean he wouldn't have fun with you! Just that camping is a brilliant adventure at that age and he'd be with your sis which is different etc and its not as if you've not been away as a family but nevermind !

GoodTouchBadTouch · 01/08/2013 16:09

I think youd be mad to give up your time as a family, and make your DH swap back with his boss just for TWO. NIGHTS. IN. A. TENT.

He obviously wasn't too upset about it, so it would be a waste of your holiday with your DH.. dunno what you've said that's so unreasonable