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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him go?

166 replies

Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 09:45

My sister wanted to take 5 year old ds camping with her husband in in a couple of weeks. She had the idea that as they are going for a week, ds could go with them for the first two nights while dp and I had a mini break somewhere closeby and then picked ds up on the third day.

At first I was a bit unsure as he's so young and hasn't been camping yet, although I'm sure he'd be well looked after. I also wasn't too sure what we actually wanted to do ourselves this month with regard to holidays as we've not long got back from a week away and dp and I have a hotel booked at the end of the month too for my birthday.

I think that my sister has run away with the idea a bit as she'd started telling ds how at camping they'd go to the beach, he could help set up the tent, how many sleeps away it is etc and now ds is all excited, even though I hadn't actually said definitely yes.

I told my sister I'd discuss it with dp as it would depend on him as he'd be doing the drive down there (3 hours) as I won't drive on motorway by myself.

Anyway here's where it gets a bit complicated, I spoke to dp about it last night and basically, he checked his work planner and he's on call the week that they're going camping so won't be available to drive us down there or for us to have a mini break, but he's only on call because his boss asked him to swap the week. He is also going to a beer festival the first night of the camping trip and his boss is letting him have the first night off call for a favour as dp swapped.

Potentially dp could say he can't now swap but, he doesn't want to upset his boss as he could lose favours in the future, he's getting the first night off call to go to beer festival which also then kills two birds with regards to free weekends for us, and, the opportunity has now come up of us getting a free holiday flat for the followng weekend, so if dp swaps his week back, we won't be able to do that.

Hope that all makes sense. So I suppose potentially ds could still go camping but it would mean I'd just be at home on my own all weekend, then we'd have a 3 hour drive just to pick him up and miss the opportunity of a free weekend away as a family the following week.

OP posts:
Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 10:48

Just
tell
your
son
no
it
isn't
possible
and
try
to
stop
being
a
fusspot.

Does your DP have an opinion on this?

Squitten · 01/08/2013 10:48

x-post!

MerrieMelodies · 01/08/2013 10:49

Sorry, coming to this just now I don't have time to read it all.

BUT I think you need to write a list of pros and cons and make a guilt free decision either way. That's ok. You can let them take him another time.

Fwiw I have been driving for 18 years and still hate motorways - I refuse to do them if I can go a different way.

TylerHopkins · 01/08/2013 10:51

Send him by Royal Mail Special Delivery

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 01/08/2013 10:54

Your sister kindly offered something that just doesn't fit in with your plans. I think if you explain she will understand and the offer of " next time " should be enough for your DS. Why on earth you are being put down over this is beyond me. You don't want to drive on the motorway, that's fine. I don't want to drive on the motorway either, it's not a biggy in the whole scheme of things. Perhaps your car is reliable running around locally but a long motorway drive might be a big ask of it, I understand that. You did not once say you didn't want to be on your own whilst your DH is away so, again, why are you being put down over that? Your DS is certainly not going short on the holiday front is he. Hope your DH as a great time at the festival and you have a lovely time on your family weekend away.

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 10:57

eyesunderarock I'm not being a fusspot. I asked if I was being unreasonable based on what I said in my op, basically meaning should be really leave our family weekend away so that ds can still go with sister.

I wasn't asking for people to tell me to man up and get on the motorway. People have asked me question which I have already stated in my op, or further questions or offered suggestions which I have just being answering.

If I'd just said in my op toss up between family weekend or ds going with sister people would have been asking why which is why I explained.

Yes dp does have an opinion he just thinks it's no big deal as we'll be going away anyway and that, he said he'd keep his original on call week but he'd prefer to swap with boss as it means he'll do beer festival same weekend as on call meaning he'll have rest of Summer hol weekends free.

OP posts:
BeQuicksieorBeDead · 01/08/2013 10:58

There will be other camping trips, dont get stressed out about it. Plan something nice to do in the garden instead.

Original poster
Beautyatethebeast · 01/08/2013 11:03

Thank you overthefields sums up what I'm saying.

It's not that I want everyone to agree with me just the question was probably more, family weekend away v ds away with sister.

Expensive long train journey or 10/6 hour drives just seem rather extreme for 2 night camping, and even dsis would probably agree with this, the original plan was she wanted dp and I to camp/hotel somewhere closeby.

Anyway for those who clearly think I'm bonkers (I'm not) sorry I asked.

OP posts:
nannynewo · 01/08/2013 11:50

Why would you miss out on the trip the weekend after?! If you go down with your sister can't she drop you at the nearest train station to come home? Or drive the A roads! It would be a shame to let Ds miss out on a lovely weekend with his auntie!

PolterGoose · 01/08/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannynewo · 01/08/2013 12:10

Sorry I read the rest of the comments after posting! I still think the train would be your best option, there are loads of ways to make train journeys cheaper if you go on thetrainline website. I also feel there was not much point you posting in AIBU because anything anyone has suggested you have disagreed with. So you obviously don't think YABU.

I would definitely have another look through some of these suggestions as some of them are great and that way you would get a lovely weekend to yourself while DS enjoys himself too.

Succubi · 01/08/2013 12:13

I asked if I was being unreasonable based on what I said in my op

In which case YABU for all the reasons already stated above.

shewhowines · 01/08/2013 12:24

YANBU - it was a good ide but not workable. Explain to DS that he can't go this time as Daddy is working but he will be going to the seaside with you the next weekend. Say that he can go camping with Dsis another time.

No biggie. Children have to be disappointed sometimes and he's got another weekend away to make up for it anyway.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/08/2013 12:30

YANBU! He is your APB, and your sister should understand about the on call swap and that these things happen. I am sure she will enjoy her camping trip as much without your ds, and hopefully you can leave it sp you can all book something another time with more notice.

Your DS might prefer a tent in the back garden at that age. Or to make his own tipi. That way, he gets the idea of what it is like in a familiar setting, and its fun.

Have a fabulous summer holiday!

Only one piece of advice from me: get a family railcard, it is amazing what a difference in price it makes to travel with a child (although obviously, you can't use it to travel on a train without your ds.)

yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/08/2013 12:33

Actually, if it were me, I would be tempted to book into the nearest camp site to home for a couple of nights, just for me and dc.

AnnabelleLee · 01/08/2013 12:34

Boiled down; he can't go because you won't drive. Thats a fine enough reason, but the rest is all smokescreen.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/08/2013 12:37

*He is your APB -> he is your ds.

fluffyraggies · 01/08/2013 12:45

OP
why cant you spend umpteen hours on the road to pick your son up?
why arent you driving a better car?
why aren't you willing to spend squillions of pounds on train fares, and taxi fares to get him home?
how on earth is your son ever going to recover from this disappointment?
Finally - how dare you start a thread mulling over all the above.

GrinWink

Welcome to AIBU x

Dahlen · 01/08/2013 12:46

I think this is just a classic case of miscommunication with no one being unreasonable really.

DSis shouldn't have really got your DS all excited, but she was doing a kind thing with good intentions and you didn't put her straight straight away. DP shouldn't have organised his on-call rota without consulting with you, but he was trying to juggle work with a family weekend away. You could have put a stop to this earlier before DS got too excited, but you were trying to see if there was a way round it and while I think it's a bit odd to dislike motorway driving, it's a valid POV as is the fact that your car is old and a 10-hour round trip is stretching it in anyone's book.

The fact that you've just come back from a holiday abroad and are off again the following weekend is more than adequate compensation for DS, who will soon forget his disappointment - especially if you can organise a camping trip with DS for some time in the not-too-distant future so he can look forward to it. Don't suppose there's any chance DSis would have him for the entire week?

fuckwittery · 01/08/2013 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 01/08/2013 12:50

I can drive on motorways, but I have a chronic illness and there are times when I don't drive long distances as my concentration and pain levels are not up to it.

I know other people who don't drive on motorways, can totally understand it.

2rebecca · 01/08/2013 12:54

I think you're unnecessarily getting a hard time over this.
I think when your sister suggested it you should have said you didn't think picking him up would be possible as you're going away the next week so husband can't get time off and you don't like driving long distances and it would be a 6 hour round trip to pick him up. I would have told her not to mention it to your son until you and your husband have discussed her kind offer and got back to her.
Now you just tell her no it's not convenient and I'd probably add that you're disappointed she mentioned it to your son before you said he could go.
You don't have to arrange your life around your child. The journey would be miserable for you and take most of the day. You're going away the next week so he won't be short of holidays.
You probably should have been more negative with your sister initially but you'll know that for next time she has a bright idea.

Beastofburden · 01/08/2013 12:59

It does seem a shame not to let him go. Don't disturb your DH arrangements, do the driving yourself and if it takes longer, so be it.

It's not really all that different, you driving for a bit longer or DH driving for three hours. Three hours is a lot for your DH to do, I expect he will be quite pleased to be let off it. Obviously it feels like more trouble for you, because it is, but its a whole lot less trouble for him. So, sorry OP but I would say you don't have a good reason for not letting him go.

Agree with other poster that you could get some proper motorway lessons because this will continue to get in your way and it is worth sorting out if you can. Also agree with you, that just driving your DC down that weekend isn't the best or safest way to get past this. It might actually make your fear much worse.

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2013 13:06

Oh, just go with them, fgs! Hmm. If you didn't want your sister to run with the idea that your ds was going, it would have been perfectly simple to say he wasn't...

GoodTouchBadTouch · 01/08/2013 13:07

No way on Earth would I bother driving all those hours in a crap car so that my child could have TWO NIGHTS IN A TENT!!

Especially when he has plenty of other holidays.

Mightve been worth it when you could have a break at the same time. Otherwise no, YANBU