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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you asked your child to do something....

52 replies

OHforDUCKScake · 01/08/2013 09:34

Would they do it the first time you asked?

Would they ever do it the first time you asked?

Me- "Ds take your plate out please."

DS - "Ok"

10 mins later.....

Me - "DS take your plate out."

DS - Ok

Me - "DS can. You. Take. Your. Plate. Out.

2 mins later

DS TAKE YOUR PLATE OUT NOW

And he does it. This conversation happens with EVERYTHING I ask him to do. I wouldnt mind if he did it the second or perhaps even third time of being asked/told but he only does it after Ive got pissed off and raised my voice.

Is this a regular kid thing?

Hes 6.

OP posts:

XBenedict · 01/08/2013 09:37

DD1 no, never the first time I ask, doesn't have any sense of urgency about her

DS yep, it will be done pretty much straight away.

DD2 will complain that she is too small to do it and other diversionary techniques she has mastered

thebody · 01/08/2013 09:37

when you find this holy grail please pass on. 😃

however last night I did kidnap dds hair straightners and held them at a secret location until she had tidied her room. that actually worked.

imnotmymum · 01/08/2013 09:40

Is your accompanied by a vague "wwwhhaatt?" look and on the third time then "Oh I didn't hear you"
My dog is like this as well...
And the DH...

Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 09:44

Normal.

Tips in a nutshell (which u r probably already doing):
Giive lots of affection/ attention
Reduce the number of instructions you give in any day
Lots of praise for starting to comply/ complying
Try not to raise your voice (easy Peasy )

Some ppl find it useful to start a bit of a project of it. So you might say to him that he's such a good boy (blade bla) and you would like to reward him for doing things he's been asked first time. So every time he does as you ask first time he gets a reward (like a sticker) make a chart.

Anyway. Probably not the kind of annoying "do- gooder" reply you were looking for. Sorry

Poledra · 01/08/2013 09:44

"DD2 will complain that she is too small to do it and other diversionary techniques she has mastered"

YY, 5-yo DD3 will play the 'but I'm only little! I caaaaaan't'
My arse, you're a well-grown 5-yo, you bloody well can.

Duck, it depends on the mood my lot are in. Sometimes they'll do it straight away, cheerfully. Other times you'd think I'd asked them to cut their arm off

Sirzy · 01/08/2013 09:44

Depends on his mood. Some days he is super helpful others he has no intention of doing what he is told,

He is only 3.8 though so letting him off (a bit!) for now!

babybythesea · 01/08/2013 09:46

We share a child. Except mine's female. And 4.

It's the getting ready to go out moment when it really bugs me.

Find your shoes please (with 15 minutes to go before we need to leave).
Did you get your shoes? Then get them please (12 minutes).
I've asked you to Get Your Shoes. (8 minutes).
(I can see we're going to run out of time).
Right, I've got your shoes - put them on. (5 minutes).
I need you to put your shoes on now - get a move on. (3 minutes).
Why haven't you put your shoes on? I'm not saying it again. Yes you did, you heard me, don't say you didn't.
(Ends up with me jamming her shoes on her feet huffing in an exasperated manner).

Obviously while this is slightly hammed up for dramatic effect, it's not that far from what happens.
And then it gets turned back on me.
She said something to me the other day, I only half heard and said "Pardon?" She rolled her eyes and said "You know - you heard me."

Anyone want a four year old with an outstanding ability to procrastinate?

runningonwillpower · 01/08/2013 09:48

My children have never done anything on the first time of asking - it's in their job description.

I once suggested to my son that since we both knew he wouldn't do it until I'd asked at least 5 times, it would save a lot of time if I just went straight to shouty mode. Of course, he thought that was hilarious.

Made no difference though.

Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 10:01

My eldest is only 2.7
So dawdling and ignoring are order of the day.
I was hoping he'd grow out of it.

Bluecarrot · 01/08/2013 10:03

I have to make sure dd has paused the DVD/game/not reading etc and looking at me.

At 6 yr old I'd have said "we are going out at x time, tell me what things need done before we can go out?" She would tell me and then I'd leave her to go do them. She could go back to game etc when ready and I'd checked her.

Once I had her school uniform packed into her school bag and made as if I was walking her to school in her nightie. She got to end of the drive before realising I wasn't bluffing. Never had to do that again.

She has also scrambled to get shoes on on a few occasions as I'm unlocking the front door ( and taking a slightly longer than normal time to gather my things)

Now at 10, after making sure she is listening, she will grump maybe 30% of the time. Maybe throw in a Kevin type grumpy sigh for effect.

I do try to give her gentle reminders that don't sound bossy eg " oh, Is this where we are keeping our dirty plates now? Must go fetch mine from the dishwasher" ( genuine smile!) "are you doing a giant art attack with these clothes on the floor? That tshirt looks like a face... These socks must be... Um... A fence? Boogers??"

I also respect the fact that she might be in the middle of something. I hate being disturbed when concentrating.

If its something that isn't completely urgent I ask her when she thinks she could do it in the next 10 mins. Then hand her the timer.

She knows what needs done- I think it's insulting to get intelligence to have to tell her repeatedly.... Though I do end up doing it in exasperation sometimes.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/08/2013 10:04

No, never.

I have two, they are 8 and 6, and both do this.

I count how many times I've asked them. Eg.

"put your shoes on please. First ask."

They get three asks nicely, then I shout.

I tried doing the same thing back one day, if they asked me for anything I ignored them until they'd asked at least five times. Drove them crazy. Didn't help in the long run though.

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2013 10:04

DS2 always says 'in a sec'.

imnotmymum · 01/08/2013 10:04

I am surprised nobody has popped up to tell us parents of non compliant children what a terrible job we doing letting our kids getting away with it and this is the problem with the yoof of today

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2013 10:07

Oh yes we are enabling their terrible behaviour and non compliance imnot.

PurpleRayne · 01/08/2013 10:07

You need to be straightforward! "Take your plate out now please".

When you say 'can you take your plate out please' it is ambiguous (i.e. too much wriggle room).

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2013 10:09

I do that Purple then get 5 minutes of 'in a sec' and eye rolling. If I continue to ask we could spend the next hour over 'plategate'.

Emilythornesbff · 01/08/2013 10:10

Good idea purple

But will it work on DH?

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2013 10:11

But when DS2 was marooned on the loo with no loo paper me saying 'in a sec' wound him right up.

LynetteScavo · 01/08/2013 10:13

Er...mostly mine do things when they are asked. Straight away without complaining.

Please don't quote me on this when I start a similar thread in 6 months time, though.

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2013 10:13

Lynette Tell us your secret.

FirstVix · 01/08/2013 10:21

Tip I got from teacher training was to end the sentance with 'thank you' rather than 'please' as it expects the action will happen and isn't asking. So, "take your plate out now, thank you".
Seems to work ok with older students, hit and miss with DD (2yo)!

luxemburgerli · 01/08/2013 10:24

I understand the frustration!! I think the trick is not to ask more than once (or at most twice), and then make sure it gets done. Otherwise you become part of the background noise until you shout and they notice. Easier said than done though.

Original poster

OHforDUCKScake · 01/08/2013 10:46

I just realised I posted this in AIBU it was meant for chat.

Im very glad to hear its a regular child thing, I thought it was!

Ending it with thank you, I like that idea.

I too asked him if I should just shout everything at the beginning and them he'd always do it straight away. He didnt like that idea.

I actually start to hate the sound of my own nagging voice after a while.

Hes a really good kid too, its not like he misbehaves! He just likes to be nagged, apparently.

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 01/08/2013 10:50

To me it was just my mum nagging again

WilsonFrickett · 01/08/2013 10:56

It is a completely regular child thing.

For stuff like plates, we've made it part of the routine of meals, iyswim.

So DS from tiny was taught to say 'thank you for my dinner' at the end of every meal, we say 'you're welcome, now do your jobs.' - which is tidying his plate etc. If he goes to do something else, we stop him, and repeat.

So yes, we do need to repeat but it doesn't escalate, iyswim.

For getting ready, a list at the back of the door has saved my sanity not a morning person. So 'DS, it's time to do your list' and occasional 'what number are you on' is all that it takes, although of course I do have to manage it more if running late, because he does 'his' list in 'his' time. Which is not normal time. Oh no.

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