If you asked your child to do something....

[OHforDUCKScake]

Would they do it the first time you asked?

Would they ever do it the first time you asked?

Me- "Ds take your plate out please."

DS - "Ok"

10 mins later.....

Me - "DS take your plate out."

DS - Ok

Me - "DS can. You. Take. Your. Plate. Out.

2 mins later

DS TAKE YOUR PLATE OUT NOW

And he does it. This conversation happens with EVERYTHING I ask him to do. I wouldnt mind if he did it the second or perhaps even third time of being asked/told but he only does it after Ive got pissed off and raised my voice.

Is this a regular kid thing?

Hes 6.

DD5 is doing this atm and it's driving us mad! If we ask her to do something, she just does this wide-eyed stare and walks off. Or we'll think she's gone to do what we asked only to find her doing something completely different. Bloody daydreamer. We have to ask her no less than 3 times before it gets done. And the shoes argument upthread-every morning lol.

I find frequently that they're not actually listening - the "Ok" reaction is automatic to hearing Mum's voice. So a good way to counteract this is:
"DS, clear away your plate please."
"Ok"
"Ok what? What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to.... clear away my plate?"
"Yes, thank you."
And then you can revert to "What have I asked you to do? Have you done it?"

My DS's favourite phrases are in a second, I'm just watching this and in a minute

I get "In a minute" or "Let me just finish X, Y and Z and then I'll do it" accompanied by lots of dramatic sighing.

Mine do as they are asked, when they are asked - now.....

but they are now 11 and 12..... and I do check they are actually doing nothing before asking. Though over the years I have developed "the voice" for non-negotiable stuff.....

When I was younger my DM called me and my sisters ina, justa and waita :

Ina minute
Justa minute
Waita minute

Unfortunately my dc are just like me, I don't often get to the shouting stage with ds, but dd takes forever, and the amount of times I have to ask her to brush her teeth and go to the loo, you'd think I was wanting to torture her!

I had this problem at work (school club). Getting 15 7yr olds to tidy their breakfast bowls/glasses etc was a bit of a mission! I found the best way was the good old star chart. If they did their 'jobs' they got a star, if they got a full week they got to pick a sweet/dvd to watch/etc depending on how many had full charts that week.

I also found they like the competition aspect, so i tend to give them a 2min warning 'right everyone, 2mins time we are tidying, so finish off eating/playing please' then 'right who can tidy their area quickest?'

5yo ds- if I asked him to take his plate out or something like that then yes he would do it first time. If I asked him to tidy the toys away he would probably say no and then do it under threat of time out!

3yo dd- would forget everything I ask her within seconds. She is a goldfish, but she does try!

Do we have the same DS? This is EXACTLY what my DS is like. I feel like I'm constantly raising my voice because he just won't do a thing until I shout.

Some good tips here, I'll be trying them out myself.

I spend entire day shouting and nagging due to 7yr old DD inability to do anything first time of asking. Causing major issues between me and DP who hates all the shouting. I am SAHM and doing 98 percent of child care. Roll on September!

99 times out of a hundred they all do it the first time they are asked.

Unless its stop being mean to each other (hitting or name calling) in which case it's at lea 2 or 3 times!

There is something about moving them between, I don't know, resting to active mode or something. So we have asked them, they have agreed to do it- or not disagreed, anyway- and it's on the to do list. The question is, how long does it stay on the to do list before it is overdue to be done? We might think, one minute. They think...nothing, they haven't thought about it. It's just kind of vaguely out there, like homework.

Sometimes I stand there obviously waiting until they comply. Sometimes I say how quickly it needs doing. Sometimes i don't care when they do it so I walk away and dont check for an hour.

Some kids like to get it done right away, they will probably have clear desks and empty inboxes when they are older. For everyone else, I find it helps if I say when/ how quickly it wants doing.

Depends - about 30% of the time straight away, about 70% of the time have to be asked again/threatened with no tv/sweets/trip out etc . The worst one is cleaning teeth. It's like groundhog day. My DD always has an excuse/hearing problem when she gets asked to do that!

my oldest ds at 14 once said as I called him around 4 times,

'yes mom that's my name don't wear it out'

dd4 loves, 'God alright take a chill pill'

weeps silently into wine!

One word commands!
"shoes"
"plate"
"book bag"

I have sort of cracked this with my lot. I just repeat endlessly, in a really annoying monotone "Get your shoes on, get your shoes on, get your shoes on, get your shoes on" ad infinitum. One of them usually pipes up "stop mum, it's really annoying" to wit my reply is "I'll stop when you do it... Get your shoes on, get your..."

Reverse pester power. Get in!

DS does most things as soon as he's asked, but he's three and has time to become a normal child.

On the occasions he doesn't, his excuse is that he might get 'tiiiired'.

Me: Dd1, can you fetch me X?
Dd1:
Me: Can you get it?
Dd2: In a minute

or

Me: Will one of you do X for me?
Dd1 and dd2: Me, me, me I will. I will. No, she asked me first, Mam you want me to do it don't you? No, you helped her last time, it's my turn

DS(10) - rarely has to be asked to side/tidy/remove items and when he is asked will do so immediately (99 times out of 100). We're having a few more problems at the moment though because his hormones seem to be all over the place, his reactions are a little less predictable than normal.

DD(6) - will normally wait a minute or two to see if her brother will take over...than respond accordingly (and reasonably rapidly). Often requires a second time of asking though.

Dd is responsible for clearing away and stacking dishwasher after dinner. She is also now old enough that she goes to bed after we do. So I don't nag her about it, I just go to bed. She can do it at 2 am for all I care, as along as it is done by the morning.

I think it's a question of respecting each other's priorities. Mine are pretty good; i try not to be like my own mother and acknowledge that they might be doing something of equal impoortance to them.

I also wonder how their threads would go?

AIBU to wonder how many times I have to ask my mum to watch this worm/colour a giant/cover the kitchen floor with flour with me?

The conversation goes:
Mum, will you sit with me and watch this?
In a minute, I'm just putting the washing on
Mum are you coming?
Just clearing the kitchen
Muuuum, how much longer?
Let me just stick the Hoover round

Is this a regular mum thing? Drives me mad!

Oh shit a brick. My dd is 2.5. Had hoped it was a 2yr old thing. She's going to be like this til she's what left home AAAAAAARGH!!!!

And breathe.... An VERY relieved though as I thought I was the only one having to hit shouting to get the child to do anything. Good tactics here. An going to pinch unashamedly.

Thank you

Imademarion

Muuum, watcha doing on your phone...? iPad? Laptop?

Does make you think though.....

Imademarion. That has made me think. Lots.

dd (8) will usually do it first time provided she's heard me... she can be a bit flighty though so whilst I may have been speaking directly at her she is often zoned out and doesn't hear me, or even realise I'm speaking

ds1 (7) is likely to scream 'No!', 'why do I have to do it', 'But I'm in the middle of x and can't turn it off', etc.... a 20 minute argument will then ensue.

ds2 (4) may do it straight away, may start to do it and wander off or may flat out refuse.