To wish some parents would read this article...

[itsonlyapapermoon]

Here (not Daily Fail linky, don't worry ;)

and realise that they are doing their children a massive disservice by never letting them fail or do things for themselves? My ex-husband, as an example, was mollycoddled by his mother and he was (and is) an unbearable man-child who was never held accountable for his actions. Nothing was ever his fault, and at the age of 30, Mummy and Daddy are still bailing him out.
My two youngest sisters (especially youngest DS15) expect my parents to hand over money and basically demand things without doing anything to deserve the reward. My 18yo DSis is finished school now and has no job prospects and basically sits in her bedroom all day.

I had my first job of a paper round at 12yo and then went onto a part time job at 15. I've never expected anyone to just give me things without earning it!!
I fear for the current and future generations of young adults who are entitled and want the trappings of success without doing any of the work. (Obviously there are young people these days who are not like this at all and are fantastically self-motivated). I've heard of parents even filling out their children's Uni applications, or ringing prospective employers on behalf of their kids. Whatthe??
We are trying really hard to make sure we bring our kids up to be self-sufficient, resilient people, and not spoilt brats.
AIBU to wish that some parents would stop trying to make their kids like them by doing everything for them and never telling them "No." ?

?The youth of today dress and behave immodestly, have no respect for their elders, nor concern for their futures. Our youth love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when their elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble their food and tyrannize their teachers.?

(Socrates)

Yes, it was all better in our day and civilization is going to hell in a handbasket and it's all the parents' fault. We know.

I'm not saying that at all, it just seems in the past 20-30 years especially there seems to have been in increase in parents that are wrapping their kids in cotton wool and aren't letting them experience failures in life and it's leading to a generation of young people that have no resilience and give up at the first signs of difficulty. There have always been parents along the way that have been overprotective but I think that living as we do with 24hr news coverage making everyone think that danger is lurking around every corner has made a lot of parents become overprotective, but some irrationally so. On the other hand, there are some that are so competitive that they have to push their little darlings into everything, and do their school projects for them etc etc, instead of letting them learn how to do things for themselves.
I think there's something wrong when as parents we are viewed as "mean" or "too harsh" for enforcing proper consequences for actions, or for getting children to do simple chores around the house and teaching them some life skills, instead of handing over pocket money when they've done nothing to earn it?

"It seems" that because that's how the media spins it, though. There absolutely isn't an increase in parents wrapping their kids in cotton wool. It's just this pervasive myth that every generation had it tougher than the next one, blahdeblah, walk fifteen miles uphill in the snow.

Sure, some parents are a bit overprotective. Some parents are competitive. Some parents aren't. 'Twas ever thus.

Probably several things at play here. The fact we have enjoyed peacetime in Western Europe for 6 decades, means we have enjoyed relative plenty, no need for large scale war effort. People have grown fat and comfortable, in general. Also the media, consumerism and again, plenty plenty plenty, now now now Parents no longer have to prepare their kids for the harsh realities of going out to work at 14 years old. They have become spoiled, entitled, the state picks up the tab. People dont realise it, they think life is tough, well they aint seen nuffing, compared to our grand parents. People just get used to the comfort and its the line of least resistence - that is the legacy they want their kids to have (not saying its right, just saying). 13 years of Labour didnt help either. I am sure people will be able to give dozens of examples that contradict this general trend, but it is still a worrying trend all the same.

Sorry, these are all just perceptions. There is not one fact in this article that supports any of these assertions. And as for "13 years of labour government didnt help", what do you mean by that?

There was certainly a study in the last year or so that suggested UK graduates were not up to the tasks demanded of them by employers because they didn't understand risks and were frightened of taking them. My relations who are teachers would confirm this is absolutely the case. Sadly, Socrates isn't here to argue the toss.

"Right....

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

... But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'."

Not reading the daily mail but your post is rather contradictory. If its a new problem why is your xh particularly bad? Is it possible that your parents are babying your younger siblings more because they're the younger siblings rather than a complete reversal in parenting style?

Pianodoodle, "ay, luuuuuuxury, we lived in't cardboard box in middle o' road. Used to 'ave to go out and lick road clean wit tongue"

Bearleft, it isnt a perception that WW2 ended 6 decades ago, nor that modern day consumerism and media pressure has given rise to a generation who see "stuff" and want it, and are not always prepared to save up for it, things that may seem essential but are often nice-to-haves rather than essentials. Nor is it perception that 13 years of Labour contributed to the culture of every one's a winner, everyone has a right to everything, no one is allowed to fail, etc. there is a good and positive side to giving people opportunities but the downside is people become entitled which is a word I read very often on MN so that isnt my imagination!

Is it the parents though? What's happened to competitive sports? Rewards in schools etc? These are things that the governments have encouraged and have done more damage not only that but it told parents that it was wrong to let children fail. Everyone has to have a turn on the sports team no matter whether they are any good or not. Everyone needs a chance to win to encourage them. What message does those policies give to both children and adults.

Yabu to put all the blame on the parents

pianodoodle you were lucky!

Ime many useless spoilt lumps, waited on by parents, turn into quite capable individuals once the safety net is taken away. The problem is for the ones who don't get away to develop their own talents.

I love this type of thing and the sweeping generalisations.
I was spoilt as a child/teen and have a great job, am confident family and am "risky" and I guess I spoil my kids and am grateful they are happy, doing well at school and just great people not like the miserable sods who parents make them do massive amount of chores to "give them life lessons" and they become resentful. When my kids do something it is because they want to and that means more than doing it because they have to. I had to work yesterday and the house was sparkling when I came home and tea made and anyway what does it matter to you OP why do you let the parents bring up their kids as they want?
And as a note I filled out my DH Uni application and he had a paper round at 12

papermoon I think the people having a go have not read the article. Some have clearly not even read the OP as you clearly said it wasn't from the Daily Fail.
It raises interesting points, but then I would agree because it chimes with how I'm raising my boys, and I'm constantly by posts on here about spoilt entitled children.
My DH's family are an interesting case example - 4 kids, for some reason responsibility for funding and being primary parent divided between Mum and Dad who are still together but have some funny ideas DH and sis who had Dad's regime got minimum mollycoddling and had to be self sufficient, Mum's two were bankrolled and spoiled. The unfairness caused a huge amount of resentment, but you can still clearly see the effect on character 20 years later, with the kids raised by Dad (of whom thank all the stars DH is one) at a major advantage in terms of work ethic and get-up-and-go.

I think it's fair to say there were fewer concerns over health and safety back when we were kids, but there were also plenty of children who were injured or killed as a result of this. I think it is good that society as a whole is a bit more careful - quite a few of my dad's friends never made to adulthood because they were allowed to roam a little too freely!

I think we are more aware of danger now and so worry more, but if that keeps my kids safer then so be it. I resent being told I'm worrying needlessly and statistically my dc are as safe as they ever were blah blah blah - as if that's any comfort to the parents who do lose their dc in preventable circumstances

We are usually told we are wrapping our dc in cotton wool by 'experts' who are not currently raising children.

I skim read the article and was aware of the links to peer reviewed papers and I teach Dwecks theories at uni so am aware of her but it is the generalisations of this that just get me. Yes there are some kids who over protected and some who aren't my point is that does it matter as long as the families are happy

Oh and the author is probably just trying to sell his wares. There was a time everyone loved Sue Palmer (maybe some still do)

I find the word 'mollycoddle' a useful shortcut to judging whether I'll get on with another person.

The phrase: 'doesn't suffer fools gladly' works too.

I had an enourmous amount of chores whilst young plus taking care if younger siblings,it was a struggle to fit homework in. Hence DS will have a childhood and doesnt have any set jobs.

There are far mor important things to worry about than over protective parents. We should concentrate on those being neglected or raised with no aspirations not the ones being cared for.

Oh hey chicken licken has turned up. The sky is falling in everyone!

As the first poster quoted. It was ever thus. Don't believe the media hype. Look closer to home.

The article is contradictory, the parent who makes a drone to follow his son to the bus stop I'd argue that isn't over engaged with his son. Also you should praise children.

I didn't have a paper round at 12 etc... Didn't have a weekend job while doing my A Levels or degree. Did my parent's ruin me, well parent? I'd say no, they allowed me to focus my energy on my study's which was more important at that time.

limitedperiodonly I agree, I've been mollycoddling DS since he was 1 week old because I didn't insisted on 4 hourly feeds and didn't leave him to cry according to MIL. [rolls eye]

faithless12 I also cuddled and fed constantly when DD was young, but that was partly through the belief (gained from reading peer-reviewed evidence) that children who are brought up this way are more secure, and therefore willing to be more adventurous when they are older.

There is a greater awareness of risks these days, thanks largely to the media. But we can choose what we do with that knowledge. We can either wrap our children in cotton wool, or we can teach our children to deal with the risks they will face.

Children are still being strangled by blind cords, this is a known risk, but some parents think it will never happen to them and their child. This is a risk that it is easy to do something about and remove entirely. There are other risks that are not so simple to fix. Children drown, so we teach our children to swim in the hope that, if they should get into difficulties, they can get themselves out.

Some parents remove the risk of falls by never letting their children near a climbing frame. Others choose to minimise the risk by teaching their children how to find their limits and climb safely. Others let their children climb all over with no care for potential danger. We are all somewhere along the scale, and what is right for one person is not always right for another.

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