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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit uneasy with my husband being naked in front of DD (10)?

69 replies

prettybutclumpy · 31/07/2013 17:07

I am probably being silly, but recently I have become a bit more sensitive to seeing my husband being naked in the company of my daughter, just while he's getting dressed in the morning for example. The other day when on hols he was lounging around in his pants, and we both got a lovely view of hairy bollocks! It doesn't seem to bother her, but I don't really remember seeing this from her age upwards, as my parents were quite square about these things. She is definitely in puberty now, but I don't really know if that's relevant. AIBU?

OP posts:
happygirl87 · 31/07/2013 17:28

NeoMaxi, YYYYY to this:

^It's FAR healthier for girls to have the mystery of the male body unveiled early on and for boys too to have the female body de-mystified.

I was SO shocked when I first saw a naked man! At least our Dds wont be^

OH doesn't go naked in front of DSD (8), but I have always said that I would like him to be more relaxed if we have DDs. The first guy I saw naked had def seen images of naked women before we got together, and I had NEVER seen a naked male except my little brother as a toddler, so it was actually quite traumatic for me just the SIZE of a naked adult male. I never want my DD to go through that.

Secretswitch · 31/07/2013 17:29

Neo, I'm sure it's because he is a non related male. I think you have hit it spot on to, she was 7 when he came into her life. I am not at all comfortable with the thought of my now 14 yr old dd getting a view of her stepfather's undercarriage..

Bowlersarm · 31/07/2013 17:30

I don't see a problem as long as she is comfortable.

My teens DSes come and chat to me when I'm in the bath/shower. It seems quite natural to me.

TheAwfulDaughter · 31/07/2013 17:34

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diddl · 31/07/2013 17:34

We still walk around naked in front of out teens.

Not parading around-but from bathroom to bedroom.

We don't lock the bathroom door either & don't care if they wander in.

We generally have a routine in the morning & they likely know when one of us has just showered & might emerge to go to our bedroom.

They can easily avoid us!

Whothefuckfarted · 31/07/2013 17:36

When she's uncomfortable with it she'll go 'Ewww Dad! cover it up!' or something to that effect. They'll both laugh about it and he will know that's the time to cover up.

You making an issue out of it when they don't have one yet could well be destructive to an otherwise healthy normal part of life.

lottieandmia · 31/07/2013 17:36

I think it's important for children not to be given the message that naked bodies are somehow dirty or something to be ashamed of.

5madthings · 31/07/2013 17:37

if the child isnt bothered then its not a problem. my boys see me naked, they arent bothered and my eldest is 14.

livinginwonderland · 31/07/2013 17:39

Eh, if she doesn't care, then leave it. My dad always wandered around naked while I was growing up - he'd dump his clothes in the laundry and wander upstairs naked to take a shower every day! It was just what he did and it never bothered me.

He's my dad. He took baths with me as a kid, looked after me when I was sick and raised me! I never thought of it as weird and as an adult now, I wouldn't be happy to be told I have to cover up in my own home.

LegoRelatedInjury · 31/07/2013 17:40

I only think it's a problem if she thinks it's a problem. I used to see my dad naked and I never batted an eyelid.

Nudity is not sexual in this kind of context so I really don't have an issue with it.

SpooMoo · 31/07/2013 17:46

Not a problem. YABU. I remember seeing my parents naked and it gave me a realistic images of naked adult bodies (unlike in popular media) and the idea that there's nothing to be ashamed about.

StuntGirl · 31/07/2013 17:49

YABU.

Squoosh has it: "Unless she has a problem there is no problem."

farewellfigure · 31/07/2013 17:52

I'm so glad to read this. I change in front of my DS (5) as does DH and I was beginning to wonder if there should be a cut off point when I start dressing somewhere else (goodness knows where though). So that's a relief. I won't worry about it any more. I'm sure he'll go out of the room if he starts feeling uneasy about it when he's older.

Original poster
prettybutclumpy · 31/07/2013 18:59

Thanks for your wise counsel. The responses which say "she'll let him know when/if she's not comfortable" chime loudest with me. I'll just have to put that image of the escaping bollocks out of my mind!

OP posts:
Capitola · 31/07/2013 19:09

We all walk around naked here and ours are 10 and 14.

frogwatcher42 · 31/07/2013 19:47

Charlie and Awfuldaughter - you made me laugh out loud.

I am so envious of your relationships with your dads. I think it sounds perfect to be so relaxed.

My family were of the 'cover up' type and I really regret it and find it sad. I dread having to deal with my dparents later in life as both they and I will find it so embarrassing if I have to see them naked or worse, deal with their bodily fluids!.

frogwatcher42 · 31/07/2013 19:48

Sorry - dads and dh! Obviously I see my dh naked!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 31/07/2013 20:55

AwfulDaughter- your dad HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS PENIS?! eh?

pianodoodle · 31/07/2013 21:02

I don't remember ever seeing my Dad naked but we weren't prudish or anything. He was just always dressed early before we got up.

I think this sounds ok. DH isn't very good at covering himself up in his dressing gown with the missing belt so the bollock escaping view is very familiar here.

DD (25 months) frequently bursts into the bathroom to laugh at him having a wee. We think she thinks there's something wrong with him since he's the only one with a penis - she seems to find it pretty hilarious anyway Grin

peggotty · 31/07/2013 21:04

This has been interesting and enlightening for me. I grew up with no father around and can't remember ever seeing my mum nude. I HAD been starting to think dh should start covering up more around dd (7) but everyone on here is correct - it is normal, gives children a healthy sense of what bodies really look like and the child themselves will let you know if they don't like it! I keep myself covered more than dh due to my own body issues but will try to stop doing this so much as don't want dd to end up like me in terms of body shame. Thank you op for starting this thread!

Original poster
prettybutclumpy · 31/07/2013 21:11

you're welcome peggotty. thanks all

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 31/07/2013 21:20

My dad did/does watersports and would often change into his wetsuit in carparks/on the beach and would be naked at some point.

I don't see the problem - I think we are too uptight about nudity in this country.

StraightJacket · 31/07/2013 21:25

I don't exactly prance around naked, but my kids will just walk in on us knowing full well we have just got out the bath and are getting ready, or in the mornings etc. They don't care, we don't care, they are our kids!

I'm pretty sure it will all change when they are teenagers though, doubt they will want to see our naked bodies then! Just like your DD will be sure to let you know when she starts to feel uncomfortable about your DHs peeping bollocks I am sure lol.

GrendelsMum · 31/07/2013 21:34

My parents were always happy to be naked on their way to the bathroom, getting changed, etc, and to be honest, I think it's had a really good effect on my body image. It means you get an early idea of what real bodies look like, rather than only ever seeing them airbrushed in magazines.

gazzalw · 31/07/2013 21:37

Both DW and I grew up in households where nudity was never witnessed with our parents. I know DW has said she felt 'buttoned up' about being nude and seeing nude men when she was a late teen. I felt similarly about being nude myself.

We have unconsciously taken the opposite route with our DCs. They are used to seeing us naked wandering around the bedroom/bathroom and thus far don't have an issue with it.

I think it is entirely healthy to have that 'ease' to be around family members naked....

Incidentally the first time that DW saw a naked man was her German penfriend's mum and dad swimming naked in their swimming pool.....