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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH invited a couple for dinner after I asked him not to

71 replies

Armadale · 30/07/2013 23:09

He mentioned to me he thinks he should invite them and I specifically said, no, please do not invite them.

He was then phoned by them and invited them to dinner

He says it was a spur of the moment thing, it just came out of his mouth.
I'm cross with him that he did it after I said not to, feels like he put impressing/placating these people before my opinion. He has apologised and said he should not have done so.

Here's the thing: what should I do?

I do not want these people in my house- we see them fortnightly at a group we attend with other people, I'm fine with that but I do not want to be friends with them.I do not want to discuss personal things with them that are more likely to enter the conversation at a dinner than casually in a group with other people.

(The man gives me the creeps. I think he is an EA. He gaslights a lot about things that don't even matter, eg if he's 10 mins late he will then say 'good job I got here just on the dot of half past' as if it is going to remake history in my head and he was really on time iyswim. That sounds a silly example but he does it a lot about different things).

On the other hand, I can't ask DH to ring up and say 'no, sorry, you can't come'.

I don't want an enormous row with DH,, he knows he got it wrong and he has apologised, but the thought of this man in my house is just bluergh.

(DH wandering around so might not be able to answer promptly )

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 30/07/2013 23:11

Think of it as getting to know his dw. If he's such an arsehole, she could probably do with some friends.

sweetestcup · 30/07/2013 23:12

Well don't have a row with your DH then, no need...let them come to dinner.....and you arrange something nice that night out of the house, your DH invited them, well he can cook and entertain for them then!

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 30/07/2013 23:12

I can see what you mean as you don't want to start something. They invite you, then you them and so on.

Get dh to do the whole night. Even if he just orders pizza or something. Try to make it a short night if you can and then just make excuses if they invite you back.

makingdoo · 30/07/2013 23:13

Did he make firm plans and set a date?

Could you invite some of the others from the group so it's less intense?

I'd be livid if DH did that

Xales · 30/07/2013 23:13

Tell your H exactly what you don't like about this man and why you do not want to be around him and then do what sweetest says. Arrange to be out.

Original poster

Armadale · 30/07/2013 23:14

Yes it is the whole them inviting us back thing etc I don't want to get involved in, plus dodging personal questions

OP posts:

TeeBee · 30/07/2013 23:14

Yes, I was just going o suggest inviting some friends of your own so at least you have someone to talk to and so the whole night won't be a disaster.

Original poster

Armadale · 30/07/2013 23:14

Is arranging to be out not a bit passive aggressive to my dh?

OP posts:

Tommy · 30/07/2013 23:15

invite some others as well to dilute them.....

MirandaGoshawk · 30/07/2013 23:15

Could you arrange to go for a meal in a restaurant instead? Get him to ring them and say that you would both prefer to eat out rather than at home? If you're in a restaurant you can leave when you feel like it, and also it's easier to talk about the food/service/wallpaper rather than personal stuff.

If he won't suggest this to them, I would be tempted to be 'out' when they come round...

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 30/07/2013 23:16

Meal out's a great idea. Say you're tired from work and need a treat.

Original poster

Armadale · 30/07/2013 23:17

meal out would be great but really not feasible financially atm. we are stony broke. Perhaps inviting other people is the way to go.

OP posts:

Standautocorrected · 30/07/2013 23:18

Can you invite other people to dilute the conversation?

deleted203 · 30/07/2013 23:19

Personally, (assuming he's made a definite date) I would firmly insist that DH ring them up apologetically and say, 'I'm terribly sorry but I'm going to have to cancel the dinner arrangements. I hadn't realised that Armadale had already made other plans for that night. I'll have to let you know when we could perhaps re-arrange it'.

And then I'd make damn sure he didn't re-arrange it.

maja00 · 30/07/2013 23:21

Get your DH to call back and say sorry, he's checked with you and you have plans that night.

Or call them the day before and say you have come down with D&V.

witchofmiddx · 30/07/2013 23:23

Easiest way is dh phones them to say you have a pre-arranged family commitment that evening, his fault for not checking date with you first... you will of course re-arrange...

witchofmiddx · 30/07/2013 23:24

Sorry maja cross post!

JambalayaCodfishPie · 30/07/2013 23:24

sowornout wording is perfect.

MrsEricBana · 30/07/2013 23:24

Or simply say need to postpone for now and never rearrange.

MrsEricBana · 30/07/2013 23:25

Cross posts!

floweryblue · 30/07/2013 23:26

No point arguing with DH now, it's done, you just need to manage the situation.

In my house, if DP invites people without my agreement, I feel perfectly justified in letting him deal with all of the consequences: shopping, cooking, cleaning, clearing and entertaining, I just sit in a corner and get pissed enough to have a laugh with them.

StuntGirl · 31/07/2013 00:09

I hope he's the one going to be doing all the shopping, cooking and preparation for this?

mellicauli · 31/07/2013 00:14

You could start with Heinz Tomato soup..then move on the a main course of macaroni cheese..finished off with a scoop of neopolitan ice cream.

SoggySummer · 31/07/2013 00:27

Dont forget the Pom Bears whatever you do!

Isetan · 31/07/2013 03:48

I'm not sure about your H knowing he did wrong, I think he knows he got away with it. Apparently, ignoring your oppion and feelings are prefferable to saying he made a mistake to this couple. Make sure he caters the whole thing, less likely to do this again when he's the one put out.

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