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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have collected all the dummies and thrown in full view of dd2 in the rubbish bin outside?

79 replies

flowerandrandd · 30/07/2013 13:13

my dd2 is 4. she is extremely strong willed, at times very difficult to deal with. We have tried to get rid of the dummy on numerous occassion, we go on holiday on sunday and i am sick to death with her constant anxiousness over where her dummy is, turning the house over to bloody find it etc.
we have tried only giving it her at night but she is the kind of child who will continually ask on and on and on and she breaks you!

anyway i am desperate for some tips because she is hysterical and is screaming that she is still little and needs it but we have to go cold turkey.... she is also shouting that she is never sleeping again and that her daddy will get them out the bin... please help me!

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 30/07/2013 13:44

My friend did the dummy fairy and present thing with her ds - she said it worked.

thebody · 30/07/2013 13:44

you arnt a terrible mom but was a tad impetuous😄

just next time do the planned steps, warning and then action.

you will all laugh about this in years to come.

ClartyCarol · 30/07/2013 13:44

Sorry, x post with you! Glad it's all panned out ok.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 30/07/2013 13:45

You're not a terrible Mum, a strong willed child with a dependence on a dummy is a bloody nightmare I would imagine.

Good to hear things are calm.

Sparrow8 · 30/07/2013 13:45

Got rid of dd and ds dummies on Xmas eve by swapping them with santa for presents and santa would give the babies their dummies. dd was 3 but when we tried with ds at 3 he wasnt ready so waited the following year when he was 4. ds asked for them a few times and I just said Santa would take back the presents if you get another dummy! It worked really well!

farewellfarewell · 30/07/2013 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whogivesashit · 30/07/2013 13:46

My daughter was five when Father Christmas came and took her dummy on Christmas Eve. She's 20 now so it didn't do her any harm at all.

farewellfarewell · 30/07/2013 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

countrymummy13 · 30/07/2013 14:14

Oh dear. I do feel for you.

I made my DD go cold turkey on the dummies at 2 3/4. I don't want her to get to 3 and still be dependent on them - I was worried about her teeth.

Anyway, I waited until a calm period was coming up (no holidays etc!) then gave her a weeks notice that the Tooth Fairy was coming to get her dummy and that she'd leave her something to 'look after' her at night instead.

DD protested but I continued calmly sticking to my story.

When the night came DD chose where to leave the dummies (by the fr

countrymummy13 · 30/07/2013 14:18

Sorry - half a post!!

Anyway, DD cried for first two nights but got over it very quickly.

I agree you need to just rid of them. But I think it's only fair you give your DD some notice and credit her with the intelligence of being capable of understanding the reasons. And give her some say. Where to leave them, what she'd like to leave her as a reward. Use a sticker chart if need be.

For now I'd suggest getting the dummies out if the bin and giving your daughter a big cuddle. Then when she's calmed down tell her that after holiday the Tooth Fairy (or whoever) needs to take them away.

Good luck!

countrymummy13 · 30/07/2013 14:29

Sorry just read your update. Sounds like it'll all work out in the end. Good news

TokenGirl1 · 30/07/2013 14:38

We had the dummy fairy but I warned her and talked about it several days in advance.

Bought her a pram she really wanted and made a fuss about getting a big girls present and that the dummies were going to a baby that needed them. On the few occasions she asked for a dummy we told her she had to give the pram back to the dummy fairy. She soon changed her mind.

Perhaps find something that she really, really wants and use that as the gift from the dummy fairy?

I would do it after the holiday though as you don't want stress on your holiday. Good luck!

Original poster
flowerandrandd · 30/07/2013 14:59

well im sticking to it, we have written a letter and collected all the dummies, the post office lady let her stick on the stamp and gave her a receipt which i told her was her voucher for the scooter she has been pining for. thankfully the post office lady was brilliant and gave her the option of taking them home but she stuck fast and said mommy is right! anyway back from toys r us after pointing after she pointed after every child with a dummy and exclaiming they were 'little babies' not sure the five year old lad was too happy with that but hey ho!

dont feel like such a shit now but should maybe have not chucked them in the first place, its such a drama in our house over them though, because she is such a vocal and demanding child, who may i say i love dearly, the dummy has i am ashamed to say been used as a cork in the past....

onwards and upwards and i am so looking forward to the holiday because we wont be panicking and double checking the bag for it!

she is very well adjusted and i think she will be fine at night after a few nights, thankfully she is old enough for me to explain things to but maybe if i had been calm in the first place it wouldnt have been such a crisis! x thanks you though xxx

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 30/07/2013 15:13

I'd be concerned as to why she feels the need for a dummy tbh.

I think chucking them was rottenSad

JuliaScurr · 30/07/2013 15:16

Have a lovely holiday and don't beat yourself up about doing something by a method you wouldn't necessarily choose now. Sounds like everything worked out in the end.

nannynewo · 30/07/2013 15:39

Just seen your update and think the approach you have no taken is perfect! The dummy fairy approach is brilliant and you have got her another present which rewards her.
Children should not have dummies at 4 really. IMO children shouldn't be having dummies when they can talk (but if you really need to then stick to bedtime). I have seen a number of children whose teeth haven't formed correctly and have lisps simply from having a dummy whilst talking all the time. It's not nice especially knowing the parents could have prevented it!
Good luck and I hope your approach works :)

Original poster
flowerandrandd · 30/07/2013 15:57

valiumredhed not really helpful, you can see from my posts that i was at war with myself, i was asking if i was unreasonable which yes i was at first and have made steps to remedy that. however what your insinuating is just nasty, with nothing constructive to say i dont see the worth of you replying to genuine requests for advice!

OP posts:
Buddhagirl · 30/07/2013 16:06

Well done op, no one is perfect. All sorted.

valiumredhead · 30/07/2013 16:06

Ok

PostBellumBugsy · 30/07/2013 16:07

You have to stick with it now flowerandrandd. DD was addicted to her dummies, so we did the dummy fairy on her 4th birthday. She had lots of warning and was able to tell the dummy fairy exactly what she wanted in exchange for the dummies. She collected them up on the night of her 4th birthday (and I scoured the house for any remainders) and the fairy delivered the chosen pressie for her.

I made sure the dummies were not just put in our own bin, but in a neighbour's several doors away, so that there was no possibility whatsoever of her having them again. We had a tough few days & nights, but the habit was broken after that.

Make sure you don't weaken and keep any. You have to go cold turkey now.

Original poster
flowerandrandd · 30/07/2013 16:13

thanks post, im dreading bedtime but she seems quite upbeat, think it was an axiety thing for her too which is why i opted for a dummy fairy approach, think it helped her handing over the envelope with them all in and sticking stamp on etc, fingers crossed but i havent kept any because i know i would crumble! here is to hoping :)

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 30/07/2013 16:23

I'm not sure why you are snippy with me OP? You asked if you were being unreasonable-yes you were imo.

It's perfectly reasonable to look into why a four year old might be anxious , if at all, and overly attached to her comfort object.

I'm 'insinuating' that if you find out why she is anxious it might be easier than just dumping them.

mummytowillow · 30/07/2013 16:34

Fish them out and do this tonight.

Tell her the dummy fairy is coming. She wants to take her dummies but will leave a nice present for her. Dummies will go to babies in hospital because she's a big girl now.

Get a pretty gift bag, put them in it, hang on door handle. Swop for present and when she wakes up fairy has been! Wink

Thomas the tank came for my DD dummies. She screamed for 20 mins and never mentioned again.
You cannot give in and have to be strong. Grin

Good luck

MikeOxard · 30/07/2013 16:58

Sounds like you've done fab after a shaky start! They've gone now, so don't give in. 4.5 really is plenty old enough to give them up - she can't be taking them into school with her, so it's better done now while she has a few weeks to do without and forget about them. Good luck for the holiday.

bloodynurseries · 30/07/2013 17:01

Pretty cruel, and nothing to be proud of. Very badly handled indeed. Hope your DD is OK.