Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 9-12 year olds should beable to carry out some household chores?

77 replies

Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 10:10

I've escaped to the coffee shop with the baby and left the three nieces to throttle each other. I've come up during my annual leave to look after them. My sister rang my mum this morning on her way to work and said I wasn't out of bed yet and it was 830. I've been up at 7 every day and it must have caught up with me, the girls have been fighting all morning and its only 10am there's pots up to the sink and the floor needs the first of its daily cleans. I've asked them to do the pots and make the beds. I got told I'm not the boss of them, I blame Bart Simpson! The 8 month is a bloody doddle, so is the dog. I want to runaway!!

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 11:14

I may be wrong but I think the OP was expecting jolly 'gosh, girls that age eh!' replies.

I can't actually imagine a scenario where a 12 year old relative said 'where have you fucking been' without it ending with them on the end of a series of massive bollockings.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 11:15

In fact I think you're being bullied. Your sister sounds like a bully who is raising her daughters the same way.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 11:26

I was expecting any kind of a gosh that's how preteens behave rey.

Someone had hit the nail on the head when they said about my mother and sister both think I lead a charmed childless London life, of course that's what's going to be thrown in my face the minute I bring the subject up,

The fact that they've cleaned throughout including the yard in the hour I was away surely shows that they must do it for my sister and BIL? I would be surprised if they get away with much from him as he's proper old school,

My mum told me before I came I wouldn't be up for the task, they don't cheek her.

They are all sat at the table downstairs so I'm going to speak with them now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 11:27

I'm on my phone sorry for any spellings

OP posts:
ReginaPhilangie · 30/07/2013 11:29

My god, they sound like complete brats! Why the hell do they think they can speak to you like that? Shock I'd be giving your sister some home truths, and if she doesn't like it she can find free childcare else where! That is shocking, if my dds spoke to anyone like that their life wouldn't be worth living. Christ! Even my DSD who from age 11 onwards was a cheeky mare wouldn't have dreamt of speaking to anyone like that, she still wouldn't and she's 20 now!

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 11:38

Sorry but I don't believe any effectively parented children talk to people like that.

valiumredhead · 30/07/2013 15:31

I don't know any kids that wouldn't get the most enormous bollocking EVER for speaking so rudelyShock

Personally I'd tell your sister to look after get own kids until she's whipped then into shape!

Beastofburden · 30/07/2013 16:54

I am not sure that I would leave those three little witches in charge of the house by themselves, they are not to be trusted. If they set fire to something or injure themselves, the moral high ground will all be with them.

You have your sister over a barrel as she needs the childcare. Tell her that one more episode of disrespect or disobedience like today and you are off home, and she can whistle for her free, on-tap childcare. And ask her for a budget to take them on outings, they are probably bored.

As for the housework, SHE can do it when she gets in. You are busy dealing with her kids behaviour.

Beastofburden · 30/07/2013 16:58

As for the child free bit, turn it on its head. Of course you are less experienced as a parent, what would be the point of pretending otherwise? What you are, is Glamorous Aunty. Tell the girls that they are not babies any more and you can show them a more sophisticated time (make overs, interesting films, trips to London/Edinburgh/Leeds wherever your nearest flash metropolis is. SaY that if they behave themselves you will take them on a day trip to Paris by Eurostar because you are a sophisticated glamorous women who knows what is what.

What you will not do, is mop up after a bunch of spoilt babies, so time for them to make up their parochial little minds.

Cherriesarelovely · 30/07/2013 17:06

You have been incredibly kind to take your annual leave to do this for your sister. She is being very unfair and rude to gang up against you and ridicule with your mum. You're not under any obligation to be there. That sounds like one hell of a task....4 children and a dog. Wow! I wouldn't do it!

The language you described from the girls was really shocking. My Dd would never speak to ANYONE like that and if she even said anything close to rude to my friends or family she would be in huge trouble.

In your situation I really would leave. Sod your sister and mum saying you have a cushy, childfree life. Presumably noone made your sister have 4 children? She has made her choices and you have made yours. You have already been kind enough. Make a stand.

Ooooohhhh! Surprised how annoyed I am on your behalf!

Cherriesarelovely · 30/07/2013 17:07

There is no way I would be promising trips on eurostar to Paris to kids who behaved like that!

Parmarella · 30/07/2013 17:08

I have two kids this age. They oyld certainly not behave like this with their aunts or uncles or any adults! And I is not as if I am super strict.

Imo, they don't respect you, they take their cue from sis and bil who, I guess, don't respect you.

9-12 is a wonderful age, IMO! Occasional fights or strops but overall a fun age, where they knw right from wrong and can be explained things.

Beastofburden · 30/07/2013 17:21

They wouldn't be getting it unless there was a complete transformation in their behaviour... Half the point is for them to realise just who they are pissing off and disrespecting, and what a missed opportunity it is.

Perhaps Eurostar is generous.... Bt the idea is, show them that by disrespecting her as a parent, they are totally missing the point. She has a status all of her own, quite different, connected to the wider world. Actually, they are the clueless ones, by not looking beyond the end of their little noses.

Their language, though, would rule out any kind of treat any time soon unless they seriously grovel and reform.

Cherriesarelovely · 30/07/2013 17:24

Yes, good point beast.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 17:53

They aren't bored. If anything they are over stimulated. They hardly ever have down time it's all outdoor activities and days out. I took them to York for three days and spent about £600! I do only see them twice a year.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 30/07/2013 18:50

I'd be mortified if my kids spoke to anyone like that. It's one of my "big rules" - never ever to speak disdainfully or rudely to anyone at all.

I have an 8,6 and 2 year old - girls.

The 8 year old is responsible for keeping her room tidy - makes the bed, puts colouring stuff away, clothes away either hung up or in drawers. I mean she can be a bit of an eyeroller and if I catch her throwing her eyes up to heaven one more time I will turn into my Mother!

They clear the table after eating, help tidy downstairs, just usual stuff. Even the 2 year old "helps".

I'd leave them to it, seriously I can be a bit of a martyr to my family (sister and Mum) but fuck me I'd be closing the door behind me without a second thought.

ThisWayForCrazy · 30/07/2013 19:15

Our children (including step) are aged 2, 3, 7, 9, 11 and 15. They ALL do chores!!

Beastofburden · 30/07/2013 19:20

So you have already shown them a good time and they still treat you like that.....I withdraw my suggestion!

I am afraid I might agree with the poster who said they are getting this from your sister and mother, both of whom seem to think less of you as a carer because you do not have your own kids - jealous of your nice life, perhaps... The aggression and foul language of the eldest she must have learned from someone.

What happened when you spoke to them?

Perhaps it is your sister who needs to feel the consequences if you walk out, rather than the kids.

Be reassured, that behaviour isn't even slightly normal, and even if your sister blusters a bit, she will be ashamed of them underneath. Ask her if the eldest says fuck to her teachers.

Beastofburden · 30/07/2013 19:35

The more I think about this... If I could have got my own child free sister to do childcare in her holidays, bloody hell... I would have been telling DS1, make sure your aunt has a nice time, give her a hand with the little ones, it's really good of her to come and look after you lot, we want her to do it again....

Hulababy · 30/07/2013 19:41

I have an 11y. She does chores as and when asked and keeps her own room and playroom clean and tidy without being asked. There is no way on earth she would speak to me in this way - and hell would freeze over before she spoke to another adult in any way rudely or disrespectfully! She just knows not to. Yes, she may answer back a bit with her parents - but never very much and tbh only ever testing the boundaries a fraction - but never with anyone else.

And if she ever did - she'd be in trouble big time too.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 31/07/2013 09:03

I'm going back today. Won't see them now til as. I'm weighed down by jewellery and chocolates and best auntie in the world puctures.
Their tablets have been taken off them.

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 31/07/2013 09:07

As a result of your speaking to their parents? Well done Lighthouse! I was thinking of you and wondering how things were going. So glad you said your piece!

BellaVita · 31/07/2013 09:07

Shame I didn't know you were coming to York... I would have met up with you and given them a good talking to! Grin

ilovesooty · 31/07/2013 09:14

Good for you. And I hope it's taught them all a lesson in basic respect.

ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 09:51

YANBU

-at 3 they can wipe up spilled water from the bathroom floor with a towel
-mine could peel potatoes and carrots at the age of 4

  • at 5 they can make sandwich, use a broom, pair socks
  • at 6 change pillow covers, wipe the table well, hoover up, change a bedsheet, set the table, fold clothes & put them away...and so on

they are very lazy, but more than capable so I make them do their chores - despite all the whinging and protesting.

my eldest is 12 and is able to do a lot of stuff.

DH and I are determined that by the time they are 18 they will have learnt all the domestic & practical skills we are able to do including ironing, sewing, DIY, cooking as well as knowing stuff like how to handle your own finances or how to apply for a passport etc.

I knew someone who literally didn't know how to buy a bus ticket at the age of 25. because he never had to!
shocking