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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 9-12 year olds should beable to carry out some household chores?

77 replies

Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 10:10

I've escaped to the coffee shop with the baby and left the three nieces to throttle each other. I've come up during my annual leave to look after them. My sister rang my mum this morning on her way to work and said I wasn't out of bed yet and it was 830. I've been up at 7 every day and it must have caught up with me, the girls have been fighting all morning and its only 10am there's pots up to the sink and the floor needs the first of its daily cleans. I've asked them to do the pots and make the beds. I got told I'm not the boss of them, I blame Bart Simpson! The 8 month is a bloody doddle, so is the dog. I want to runaway!!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 10:41

Good grief. Why are you still even there? Leave and don't even engage with them again without a full apology.

formicadinosaur · 30/07/2013 10:43

Turn the telly off. No food or entertainment till the house is tidy.

Finola1step · 30/07/2013 10:44

Wow! Your last post about what the children said to you and your sister laughing is quite shocking. So the children are rude to you and your sister laughs?

If my children ever spoke to my sister like that, there would be big consequences. It's not on. Unfortunately it does sound like they have learnt to disrespect you because your sister allows it.

There is only one thing for it... Pack your bags and head home once your sister comes back. Make it clear that you love them all but won't tolerate being treated like this. Good luck.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 10:46

Well, I think the cleaning fairies have been. I just got back to find a very stroppy 12 year old at the door "where have you fucking been? Thanks alot" "don't wake the baby and don't swear at me " the 9 year old "this is bloody child abusing we have washed the windows and everything while you have been out in the cafe with your friends"

Well it's done and now the ten year old is asking if her dad will let her keep her tablet now, some sort of progress?

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 30/07/2013 10:47

I have a nearly 10 year old and he'd never be so rude.

BUT perhaps if he has a 12 year old sibling it might be different.

Leave as soon as you possibly can. I agree with Finola1step tell them you love them, and tell them you won't be doing them any favours until they can all learn (your sister included) to show you some basic, standard respect.

Sirzy · 30/07/2013 10:48

my response would have been "good, its about time you learnt some respect for your home. Perhaps now you can learn to respect your family too"

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 10:48

Progress? With the way they spoke to you? No way.

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:48

You sound very nice but you also sound tired and a bit clueless.

The girls and their mother are taking the piss out of you.
Leave.

UnexpectedStepmum · 30/07/2013 10:50

I agree with Finola. Your nieces have been very rude to you, and if their mother doesn't deal with that she has no right to your free child minding service. Don't tolerate being treated like that by any of them.

And yes of course the children should do chores. My 3 year old lays the table, feeds the cats and tidies

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:50

Christ almighty
They spoke to you like that?

My near 11 year old would be inthe deepest of shit if she spoke to anyone like that.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 10:51

I it was me I'd leave their language is unacceptable. Tell parents ill babysit when you sort out their manners.

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:51

Are you really feeling all 'haha I blame Bart Simpson' about this.
It's not normal pre-teen behaviour. It's awful.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 10:52

I can't imagine why anyone should consider such talk acceptable or put up with it.

gymboywalton · 30/07/2013 10:52

wtf????

i have a nine year old and a 13 year old

they clean their room, hoover, peg out washing, wash their own bedding,lay the table, dry dishes, help cook and loads of stuuff! we are a family -we all live in the house, we all have to look aftet it. if mine spoke to any adult like that,htere would be BIG trouble!

i don't think you should have gone out and left them alone though.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 10:53

On now they are all asking me to do scruffy buns and fishtail plaits and borrow myself make up, all as nice as pie. I'm going to talk to them in a minute. The 12 year old is definately the ring leader. All disciine goes over her head my sister and BIL do find her a challenge. The middle one is terrified of upsetting people but the younger one is a complete madam. She's had her nose pushed right out of jointt with the baby surprise. I can hear him quietly snoring in his pram. It's such an easy age!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 10:54

I had to go out and leave them to it my blood pressure was rising and the dog and baby both needed a walk. I don't know what else I couldn't done.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 10:57

So you're going to allow them to talk to you like that?

Pagwatch · 30/07/2013 10:58

It's not that your baby is an easy age and the girls are a 'difficult age' in comparison. The girls are being incredibly rude and are badly behaved.

Pre teen girls are not just like that.

Original poster
Lighthousekeeping · 30/07/2013 11:01

I have to go the baby needs feeding they are upstairs making their beds I will be back later

OP posts:
treas · 30/07/2013 11:03

If my dc spoke like that to my sister they would be definitely getting words from her and then from myself!

My dc do do chores around the house although not always willingly.

They might not think to ask to help out at my sisters but if asked to would immediately help out.

Mine (ds 13 and dd 10) will be expected to -

Clean out and feed their guinea pigs
Feed the fish inside and outside
Help feed our birds
Tidy their rooms
Run the hoover round
Help sort out the laundry
Put their laundry away
Load and unload the dishwasher
help make meals

For additional pocket money they help out in the garden and clean the car.

However, like I say they may need nagging remindingGrin

WhatHo · 30/07/2013 11:06

That's... wow.

I have just spent 5 days with a friend's 8 and 10 year old girls and they were absolutely delightful. The 10 year old even set out to entertain my stroppy 3 year old without being asked. They're not angels, just normal kids (certain amount of whining and stroppiness here and there), but no WAY is what you've described acceptable pre-teen behaviour in my book.

I also did two stints as a camp assistant (admittedly 15 years ago) for 8-13 year olds and they were generally sweet as well - often cheeky but in a funny way.

A Talk is definitely the way forward. Surely while you're in charge you can impose behaviour sanctions, ending in walking away if they carry on talking to you like that? I can't believe that they would talk to their teachers that way.

That said, I'm not at this stage yet so perhaps I'm being naive Confused

PeoplesRepublicOfBerkshire · 30/07/2013 11:07

What charming girls!

Agree with what everyone else has said - you need to lay down the law or leave. Your sister sounds like she's done a shockingly bad job of raising her kids.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 11:09

I'm rather worried that the OP seems so little inclined to address this total lack of respect.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 11:10

And it seems very strange for the sister to phone her mother to complain that the OP was still in bed.

jacks365 · 30/07/2013 11:13

My teen dd would never speak to anyone that way it's appalling but your sister laughing may be a clue. Could she possibly comment negatively about you not having children behind your back? The attitude could come from that as your sister is not showing you any respect either. Tell her it's not working and go home and chill.

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