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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really offended and infact mighty pissed off!

158 replies

chubbymomie2012 · 30/07/2013 07:23

I have a beauty therapist who comes to my house to do waxing nails etc ( because i have 4 kids, saves me taking then all with me) she has only been coming a few months but last month she requested me as a friend on facebook so I accepted, she seemed nice enough.

Last night I was havng a flick through it when I saw a post she had on. It was a Photo of 4 Coke bottles. 3 bottles had girls names on them including Aoibhe and orlaith. Obvious Irish names. the fourth had the word Fenians on it. her comment was "Ha Ha True!"

AIBU to be insulted and to think even if she holds these bigoted outdated opinions, she is in a profession where she shouldnt be broadcasting them, and AIBU not to have her near my house again!

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 30/07/2013 08:08

Just seen wiggles' post which makes the point I was trying to make, but much more eloquently!

Eyesunderarock · 30/07/2013 08:10

There's a number of Fenian songs, anti-British.
Very popular in some pubs.

claig · 30/07/2013 08:11

The Wolfe Tones are an Irish band and some of their songs are Irish Nationalist and one of their songs is called "Bold Fenian Men"

I don't think they believe that the word 'Fenian' is an insult.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 30/07/2013 08:11

Wiggles - I do know people who use both the F term and the T term in a defensive 'say it before they do, turn the blade of the verbal knife' way. I think they are foolish to do so, I don't think it helps them or anyone else but yes, like you, I do know people who self refer in that way. Never about others though. And certainly not about (as someone else suggests) their kids!!! Shock

There are words which it is no longer acceptable to use outside of a history lesson. Fenian (and Taig) are two of them.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 30/07/2013 08:15

It's like the parade thread all over again. :(

These threads have certainly opened my eyes a bit, I must say. And not in a good way. There's ignorance and then there's willful ignorance. :(

Roshbegosh · 30/07/2013 08:16

They are catholic with those names yourallabunch

Roshbegosh · 30/07/2013 08:17

Exactly claig she is owning the term, proud of it.

Original poster
chubbymomie2012 · 30/07/2013 08:18

Thank you, I am going to phone her this morning to cancel my future appointments. I will explain why I am doing it and that I will not be making any more appointments.

OP posts:
TheYamiOfYawn · 30/07/2013 08:20

I'd unfriend her and get someone else to do my nails. If someone has work contacts as facebook friends, they really shouldn't be making sectarian posts.

For people who don't get the point of the pictue, It would be like someone from the US posting coke bottles with three typically African-American names and one bottle photoshopped to have the N word on it.

Fenian is ok when used to talk about a specific historical movement, but was being used there as a highly offensive term. When I was growing up, it was the sort of word that if it was directed at you, you expect physical violence and fear for your life. (Am from NI and technically Protestant, but due to divorce/remarriage grew up with culturally Catholic parents.

pianodoodle · 30/07/2013 08:20

Going on your last post I don't think she was making a joke about herself!

OP - I'm N.Irish too and I hate hate hate that some people are still being taught this ridiculous bigotry.

I definitely understand you feeling annoyed about her comment. I personally avoid people with that mindset.

I've been in England the past 5 years and am looking at a lovely Irish boys name for my second child (don't know sex yet). I'm from a "protestant" background but I can call my child whatever I like plus at least here no one will be asking "why did you call them that?!" :)

I miss N.Ireland but not the few who carry on being ridiculous and making the place look bad.

I've been a bit shocked by some of the ignorance where I live about N.Ireland. We did English history in school as well as our own but don't think it goes the other way round! Not malicious ignorance mind, just blank looks.

Original poster
chubbymomie2012 · 30/07/2013 08:23

TheYami, thank you for explaining the core of my annoyance in an easy understandable way!

Piano i totally get you.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/07/2013 08:23

I was horrified to learn that my Great Grandfather was a Black and Tan and I can't quite understand it because they were an Irish Catholic family. Why would he have jo

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/07/2013 08:24

joined if he were Catholic?

Original poster
chubbymomie2012 · 30/07/2013 08:26

Neo, the black and tans were origionally supposed to help the Irish police keep law and order. and to deter any IRA attacks. So possibly he was just trying to maintain a peaceful world. Do you think?

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 30/07/2013 08:29

In a way I feel sorry for the beautician because she's young and has clearly grown up in an area where this sort of nonsense is still rife and thus harder to break away from if you've grown up being so exposed to those attitudes and not been taught that it's wrong :(

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/07/2013 08:30

Chubby I hope so. I remember being Shock when my Mum told me about him...

Roshbegosh · 30/07/2013 08:31

The Black and Tans were notoriously evil bastards recruited out of prisons etc. It is possible than English Catholics were among them, they hated the Irish not catholics per se. Mind you the Irish specials were supposed to be even worse as they were like collaborators against their own people.

Belchica · 30/07/2013 08:32

Fenian is an insult. End of.

OP, if I was in your shoes and it was bothering me, I would just quietly defriend and not book her again. No need for an explanation or to make it personal. There will be plenty of other mobile therapists keen to come to your house.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 30/07/2013 08:32

Piano - part of the problem of course is that people who use these terms can point to the people who swear they are perfectly innocuous and effectively use that willful ignorance (or worse) as justification for continuing to use those words.

Roshbegosh · 30/07/2013 08:33

Don't mean to dis your great GF neomaxi, people sometimes end up in the wrong group and no one realises until afterwards.

Original poster
chubbymomie2012 · 30/07/2013 08:33

Aaahhhhh Rosh, that explains the derogatory "Tans" term used by my southern cousins about our local friendly rioters.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 30/07/2013 08:35

Who TF are the friendly rioters?

auntmargaret · 30/07/2013 08:37

Shocking, sectarian behaviour, I'd be offended too. Good for you to stand up to it.

TalkativeJim · 30/07/2013 08:37

I am neither Irish nor Catholic, but I lived in Glasgow for a long time.

I've heard the word Fenian many times... and NEVER without the word '...bastard' being appended to it.

Definitely a massively offensive, loaded description for anywhere which has suffered sectarian hatred.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/07/2013 08:37

Rosh I know, I just feel confused about it because I remember my Nan, his daughter singing songs which were most definitely not on the side of the English. It's odd. Ny grandad apparently had shellshock in the war...maybe that influenced him.